The Ripper
Directed By: Allen Baron
Stripper Michele Schiffler waits in her office, not noticing a dark-clothed, caped man is lurking in the shadows. The man steps out and picks up his cane, revealing it to be a cane sword, which he uses to murder her. Hearing her screams, the bartender goes after the man, only for the man to run out, easily throwing off the bystanders that try to restrain him. Over the next few days, the man murders two more women. The newspapers christen the killer "The Ripper", due to his killings being exactly the same as Jack the Ripper's killings.
Kolchak is being chewed out by Vincenzo for his coverage of a robbery, during which he pretended to be the police commissioner, commandeered a private car, and placed several people under arrest. As punishment, Vincenzo forces Kolchak to take over writing the vacationing Miss Emily's advice column. Kolchak is incredulous, since the letters he receives are mainly from nutcases, and flees. Driving off, Kolchak’s police scanner tips him off to a police pursuit of the Ripper. Kolchak arrives, and watches the Ripper running from the police across a building. The Ripper is shot multiple times, but is not wounded and beats several officers before leaping off the four-story building into the pavement unscathed. Several officers attack him, but the Ripper beats them repeatedly and runs toward Carl before leaping above him and escaping.
The next day, Vincenzo confronts Carl about how he writes the Miss Emily column, since his answers are all cynical and blunt; upon discovering Kolchak is investigating the murders, he flips his lid, since the murders were assigned to Updyke. As Vincenzo begins chewing Kolchak out, Updyke walks in, traumatized by the Ripper's murders in spite of not having actually seen the bodies. At a press conference, Kolchak questions Captain Warren, the officer in charge of the case, about how the Ripper was able to accomplish such incredible feats. Warren neglects to answer, but he reveals that Jane Plumm, a competing reporter, had her paper receive a letter that appears to be from the Ripper, as the letter has knowledge of the crime only the police should know. After the press conference, Kolchak horse trades with Plumm, and discovers the Ripper sent a poem alongside the letter: "And now a pretty girl will die, so Jack can have his kidney pie." Plumm tells Carl that the Ripper had cut out the kidney of his latest victim, like the original Jack the Ripper had done. Kolchak researches the matter further, and discovers there had been Ripper murders all over the world.
The Ripper strikes again at a massage parlor, and Updyke arrives at the scene. He discovers another poem, "Jack is resting. Be reborn. To finish up on Wednesday morn." Updyke then sees the Ripper’s victim, and begins struggling not to vomit. Kolchak also arrives trying to get on, though he is denied entrance. Walking away, he finds that a couple have gotten into a car accident nearby, claiming to have hit a man, who simply got up and walked away. Kolchak finds a scrap of black cloth on the car and pockets it. Back at the office, Kolchak shoves the Miss Emily letters into his drawer and begins reading books about Jack the Ripper copycat murders. Vincenzo confronts him, and Kolchak promptly spins an elaborate tale on how he is helping Updyke research the murders, as he is a chronic "bibliophiliac" who steals books and lies that he has finished the letters, before rambling about team spirit. Vincenzo buys it, but after Kolchak leaves, he discovers the letters and goes into a rage once more.
Kolchak meets with Plumm, who has been meeting with people who claim to be the Ripper. Kolchak warns her that doing so is foolish, but she shows him a gun she keeps or protection in response. Kolchak speculates that the Ripper killings throughout the ages are all the work of one man, but Plumm scoffs at this. Kolchak shows her a photo of the Ripper, showing rope burns, and telling her that a German Ripper killer had been hung. She ignores the evidence, and Kolchak tries to warn her against meeting with another man claiming to be the Ripper, as he believes the Ripper will strike again, but she ignores him once more.
Believing the Ripper will return to the same spot, Kolchak arrives at the massage parlor the Ripper had struck. His attempts to get himself to stay wind up implicating himself for soliciting prostitution, and he winds up being arrested by two undercover detectives staking out for the Ripper. In spite of Kolchak’s repeated protests, he is sent to a squad car by Warren, who wants him out of the way. The Ripper attacks the two detectives and runs, pursued by numerous police cars, one of which happens to be carrying Kolchak. Several officers pursue the Ripper, who effortlessly evades them until he tries climbing an electric fence and is electrocuted, subduing him. At the police station, Carl is released, though his film was exposed and ruined. Kolchak tells Warren his theory, but predictably Warren responds with skepticism, and smugly assures that the Ripper is locked up in maximum security, and "no one gets out of maximum security." At that very moment, the Ripper tears his door straight out of the wall and walks out.
Kolchak remembers that Plumm was meeting the Ripper in Wilton Park, and that one of the Miss Emily letters had been about a woman’s complaint about a neighbor matching the Ripper’s description in a similar location. Kolchak rushes back to the office, and threatens Updyke to force him to tell him where the letters are; after Updyke coughs up the location of the letters, and he rapidly searches through them to see confirm if Plumm is meeting the Ripper. Vincenzo arrives and questions what is going on, only for Kolchak to explain, and Vincenzo joins him. The two find the letter, which confirms the Ripper is in Wilton Park, and Kolchak rushes there. He questions the writer of the letter, who reveals that her neighbor had brought a woman in with him. Kolchak investigates the rotten and decayed house after purchasing electrical gear, having surmised that the Ripper’s weakness is electricity. Kolchak breaks in and investigates further, only for the Ripper to arrive. Kolchak hides as the Ripper discovers evidence of Kolchak’s presence. The Ripper discovers Kolchak, who flees; he stumbles upon Plumm’s corpse as he runs. Kolchak runs out of the house as the Ripper pursues him. Kolchak lures the Ripper into a pond and attaches the gear to the fuse box, creating a live wire, which he drops into the pond. The Ripper is electrocuted and disintegrates into nothing, leaving behind only his clothes. The fuse box overloads, causing the house to catch fire and burn down, destroying the evidence.
Tropes:
- Beard of Evil: The Ripper sports one.
- Heroic BSoD: Played for Laughs by Updyke, who experiences this before he even sees the corpse of the Ripper's victims. When he actually sees a victim, he winds up disregarding his assignment to write a puff piece about the inner workings of massage parlors so he doesn't have to deal with the Ripper's killing spree.
- Jack the Ripoff: Played with, in that the killer is the Jack the Ripper. In fact, the episode posits that multiple "ripper" murders are all made by the same man.
- Reckless Gun Usage:
- Plumm tells Carl she's prepared for the Ripper, and pulls a .38 from her purse and points it at Carl. Carl, for his part, reacts as anyone would.
- The Chicago PD are worse, seeing as they should be trained in weapons safety. On every occasion they face the Ripper, they gleefully fire their weapons at the Ripper regardless of who might be in the path of their rounds.
- Serial Killer Baiting: After the Ripper murders a female staffer at a massage parlor, the police plant female cops at the facility. They hope that the killer will target one of the women so they can catch him.
- Sword Cane: Jack the Ripper carries a sword cane that he uses to kill and mutilate his female victims.
- Too Dumb to Live: Plumm decides to go interviewing men claiming to be the Ripper, alone. Kolchak points out that any one of the interviewees could turn out badly for her.
