Dennis: Let's find a girl for Charlie, right, someone to be there for him, spend time with him, you know, nurture him...
Mac: Bang him.
Mac: Bang him.
Based on the original, unaired pilot episode, Charlie tells Dennis that he has terminal cancer, prompting Dennis and Mac to find Charlie a woman he can have sex with before he dies. Meanwhile, Dee tries to convince the guys to hire some extra help for the bar, and Mac starts a relationship with Carmen, a pre-op transgender woman.
This episode provides examples of the following tropes:
- Appeal to Flattery: Carmen is able to keep Mac interested in her by complimenting his physique.
- Batman Gambit: Charlie's plan relies on the assumption that Dennis will tell the Waitress he has cancer, and that the Waitress in turn will be motivated to spend time with him because of her support for cancer charities.
- Cringe Comedy: The entire opening scene in which Dennis goes to Charlie's apartment to borrow a basketball, only for Charlie to tell him that he has cancer. The awkwardness of it has to be seen to believed.
- Cutaway Gag: Mac asks why Dee would want to punch him in the face. The episode cuts to Mac punching Dee in the office as she approached him from behind at a Christmas Party.
- Description Cut:Dennis: The problem is that every time a beautiful girl comes into a place like this it's always the biggest asshole that winds up accosting her.
(cut to Mac hitting on Carmen in the most asshole-ish way possible) - Even the Girls Want Her: Dee is impressed by Carmen's breast implants.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Even Dennis and Dee are appalled when they find out Charlie was lying about having cancer.
- Every Man Has His Price: When Mac offers the Waitress two hundred dollars to sleep with Charlie, she immediately calls him gross... and then says she'll do it for two hundred and fifty.
- It's All About Me: Dennis, Mac and Dee all find ways to make Charlie's "cancer" about themselves.
- Large Ham: Dee's theater friend Artemis, so much so that when she begins to have a very real breakdown about her financial situation, Dee initially assumes she's still acting.
- Lecherous Licking: Artemis licks Dennis's face during her "audition" to work at the bar.
- Rule of Three: A flashback near the beginning of the episode shows Mac accidentally punching Dee in the face when she takes him by surprise by grabbing him from behind at a Christmas party. He later does the exact same thing to Carmen, and at the end of the episode Dee punches him for ordering her around.
- Ship Tease: A flashback shows a Christmas party where Dee approaches Mac with mistletoe...only for Mac to accidentally punch her.
- Shout-Out: The movie Coyote Ugly is mentioned several times, and Artemis acts out a scene from it when Dennis interviews her to work at the bar.
- Skewed Priorities: On learning that Charlie has cancer, Dee's biggest concern is how bad he'll look without his hair.Dee: That is so sad. He is gonna look so bad without that hair.
- That Came Out Wrong: After Mac accidentally punches Carmen in the face, he justifies it to two onlookers by mentioning she has a penis, which makes it sound like he purposely punched her because she's trans. Cue Mac getting chased down by them for seemingly committing a hate crime.
- What the Hell, Hero?: For a very loose definition of hero, but this is briefly Mac's reaction on learning that Dennis slept with the Waitress. Dennis later does the same to Charlie when he finds out the cancer was a lie.
- Wounded Gazelle Gambit: Charlie pretends to have cancer in the hopes that the Waitress will feel sorry for him and eventually date him and/or sleep with him out of pity.
