Hermione Granger reads her copy of Hogwarts: A History alone in her compartment on the train. She's having trouble making friends, though it's not her fault; there's no cut-and-dry rules for socializing, and overall the process is entirely unreasonable. She doesn't let it bother her, but it would still be nice if there were some other kid her age who enjoying reading as much as she did.
Then she notices a strange boy outside her compartment asking around for her. When she proves her scientific literacy by reciting the names of the six quarks, he concludes that she must be Hermione, and takes a seat in her compartment. After he removes the scarf from his head, she recognizes him as Harry Potter.
Recognizing that she's well-read, Harry asks Hermione just what the history books say about him; Hermione practically rattles off a biography. Harry wonders if she has an Eidetic Memory.
- Hermione: “It's not photographic, I've always wished it was but I had to read my school books five times over to memorize them all.”
Harry decides to put this to the test; he takes out a book on potions and quizzes her on a randomly-selected recipe. She passes the test with flying colors. Next, Harry hands her a can of Comed-Tea (without telling her what it is) and offers her a proposition. As she drinks, he says that he'd like her to join him in taking over the world. She doesn't react strongly to this odd statement, to Harry's disappointment.
Harry clarifies his proposition, saying that he wants to discover, through the scientific method, everything he can about how magic works, and use this knowledge to revolutionize humanity as they know it. He needs her to help with his research; with their combined intellects, they should be able to catapult humanity to Star Trek levels of technology in a mere thirty-five years.
Hermione thinks the boy is all talk, and demands to see proof of his own intelligence. Harry does this by snapping his fingers, startling Hermione into spitting out her drink onto her new robes. As she starts to freak out about the stains, Harry snaps again, and the liquid disappears.
Hermione's first reaction is to escape; wordless, wandless magic can only indicate that he must be using the Dark Lord's power. But Harry calms her down, explaining that it was all just a trick. Then, he invites her to figure out for herself how he pulled it off. And so, Hermione goes step-by-step through the Scientific Method; she hypothesizes that the robes are all Charmed to keep themselves clean, and experiments by pouring some of the Comed-Tea on Harry's robes (with his permission, of course). When the stain vanishes, Hermione concludes that the robes must be Charmed. Harry says that that's not correct, to Hermione's disappointment.
Harry attempts to teach her what she did wrong, by playing a game called “the 2-4-6 task”. In it, Hermione is given a triplet of numbers (2-4-6), and told that it follows a secret rule, written on a scrap of paper that she holds on to. Hermione may suggest as many number triplets as she likes, and for each one Harry tells her whether it follows his secret rule or not. At any time, she may guess the secret rule, and then open the paper to see if she is correct.
Initially, Hermione is complacent, guessing only triplets of numbers that increase by two each time. Harry says yes to all of them. When Harry warns her that only 20% of adults get it right, she thinks a little harder, and starts guessing numbers increasing in regular intervals. Harry still says yes to each one. Confidently, she asserts that the rule is that the numbers have to go up by the same amount each time. She opens up the paper, which says:
- “Three real numbers in increasing order, lowest to highest.”
As much as Hermione feels cheated, she realizes that he never gave a wrong response. All of her triplets followed the rule, after all.
Harry explains that this demonstrates the concept of 'Positive Bias': She kept experimenting with triplets she expected to be true, instead of trying to find ones that were likely to break the rule. This is one of the big pitfalls of science, in which people are naturally driven to confirm their hypotheses, rather than try to find where they fall apart.
Harry invites Hermione to try to solve the mystery of the disappearing drink again. This time, she tries an experiment that she believes will fail: she pours some of the drink onto the floor. To her surprise, it vanishes. The pieces come together: the drink itself is enchanted! And it makes sense; he gave her the can, after all.
Happy to have found an intellectual peer, Harry requests that he assist her with her research.
At that moment, someone knocks on the door, and Harry quickly puts his scarf back on. Hermione suddenly realizes how odd it is that the famous Harry Potter is trying to avoid being recognized.
First-year Neville Longbottom pops in and asks if anyone's seen his pet toad. Hermione offers to help look for him, but Harry stops them, saying it would be more efficient to go to the front car and ask the more magically-inclined Prefects for help.
- Suddenly Neville gasped and took a step back. “I remember that voice! You're one of the Lords of Chaos! You're the one who gave me chocolate!”
Hermione is, naturally, very confused by this. Harry indignantly denies this, only for Neville to recognize him as THE Harry Potter. Harry simply says he's a Harry Potter, there's three of him on this train. Neville freaks out and runs away.
Harry explains that he, along with Fred and George Weasley, played a practical joke on Neville back at the station. They saw how timid he looked, and thought he could use some toughening up, so they disguised themselves as terrifying monsters, and... showered Neville with gifts. Menacingly. Eventually he worked up the courage to ask them to go away, and they ran off in fear. Harry hopes that that will help him be more bold in a situation where he actually does get bullied.
Hermione protests, saying that it was a mean prank. Harry rebuts that unless Hermione can put forth a good argument that it did more harm than good, he'll stick by the opinion that what he did was right. Hermione's best counter is that he might have nightmares, to which Harry responds that he was probably having nightmares already; at least now they'll be about monsters who give him candy instead.
Hermione can't come up with anything else to say, except to ask whether his life is always this strange. Harry says that he makes it his business to make it strange.
Eventually Neville returns, this time in tears. He says that the Prefects refused to help him, saying that finding his toad wasn't important enough. A Gryffindor prefect, at that! Suddenly, Harry's demeanor turns from quirky to icy-cold. He tells Neville that he'll come with him, thinking maybe being with the great Harry Potter will get them to change their minds. And if that doesn't work, they'll go to more extreme measures...
Hermione is alone again, feeling dazed and confused from her encounter with Harry. She also feels a bit depressed, learning that perhaps Gryffindor isn't the paragon of bravery she expected it to be.
Tropes present in this chapter:
- Manic Pixie Dream Boy: Harry, to Hermione.
- What Do You Mean It's Not Heinous?: Harry's reaction to the accusation of… showering Neville with money and chocolates."I never! " he said, voice full of indignation. "Do I look like the sort of villain who would give sweets to a child?"
