There is a tradition in Television where shows that are either popular or just starting air an episode after the Super Bowl in order to drum up interest, as it's usually the highest rated sporting event for the year. Guess which show got the slot in 2011?
We start the post-Super Bowl XLVnote business with the Red and White wielding fire. No, seriously. Then again, we do remind you of who their coach is. In any event, the Cheerios! lead a literally fiery Katy Perry routine that wouldn't be out of place in a Super Bowl halftime show, complete with flaming cone bras and the Unholy Trinity actually participating. Unfortunately, as always, what is amazing by normal standards is pathetic in Sue's eyes, as she deems herself "bored" and says she's lost interest. Sue, your definition of what's interesting is itself interesting. She blames the Trinity for her boredom then decrees that, in an attempt to make Santana feel small for going big, all her minions will stuff their tops. Quinn, the perpetual voice of reason in this context, tries to point out that Sue just witnessed the most elaborate routine the Red and White ever did, and that a Regionals win is in the bag; however, Sue wants bigger every time and the Cheerios! can only do so much. Sadly, all Q does is ignite the neurons within the cranium and with it being Sue's brain, you know it won't end well as we hit the Title Card.
Cut to the field where a game goes on, :05 left, Titans lead 17-14. Finn tries a peptalk about how proud he is of the team, saying that this game is superfluous but no one bailed. Unfortunately, he seemed to forget that amongst his teammates is a man who inadvertantly revealed his true self, got freaked out, drove a friend of Finn's to another school and seemingly wants to do the same to all of New Directions. Karofsky talks the smack but Finn, tapping into his latent savvy, points out that for all the taunts, Big Dave doesn't seem to have any semblance of a female partner. Naturally, hitting too close to home hits Karofsky's Berserk Button and the rest of the Titans have to hold him back. We then see what Karofsky can do when provoked; he blatantly misses a Finn throw and as such throws the game. In the locker room, Beiste lays into the team as the non-ND members prepare to lay into the ND members. Shannon dismisses Karofsky for running his mouth as we cut to Sue in her journal lamenting what to do about her minions, saying she's basically peaked. We cut to her getting a full body tattoo of herself in an attempt to feel something, though of course the artist misspells it. She ponders how to get creative again when she looks up and sees Felix the Cat fire a cannon. Of course, we cut to a life sized model in the field, the installer citing the safety risks that Sue will promptly ignore. She takes it as we cut to a contextually horrifying sight: Artie surrounded by Titans, Big Quenches at the ready. Seems Karofsky (and the Titans) are out for ND blood and poor Artie could only avoid the ice for so long.
Cut to Beiste and Will in the lounge talking about how the bad blood is starting to boil over. Beiste talks about how minus the recent game, the Titans are on a roll, and how ultimately teammates don't have to like but respect each other. This ignites Will's brain cells and we will warn you now, this won't end well. Cut to the choir room where the slushied Artie rolls in, startling ND. Finn gets the craving for the ol' ultraviolence as the ND men prepare to mobilize, only for their targets to walk in. And this is what won't end well: Will and Beiste want the Titans to join ND for a number during halftime of the championship game. Will, Beiste, have to say it: you're a pair of idiots. Both teams react as you'd expect. Will figures that if the Titans see what ND can do, they'd understand. To demonstrate, Will calls upon Puckleberry to perform; naturally, it's the Lady Antebellum song relevant to Finchel's breakup and the Puckleberry adultery that caused said breakup. Afterwards, Azimio cracks wise and nearly gets a six-string upside the skull, this triggering a brief scuffle between teams with Rachel having to be held back, the scrapper. Cut to Finn and Puck near the trophy case, seems Puck figures he and Finn need a united front if they're to lead the Titans to victory. Finn then asks why the duet and we cut to Rachel with the obvious answer; seems she still doesn't understand that, as dubious as Finn can be sometimes, she shouldn't have gone behind his back. Asking the man she went behind Finn's back with to help make Finn jealous is grounds to say Rachel, you're an idiot. Finn accepts a temp truce as we cut to Sue with a bigger cannon than before. Now, since every cannon needs fodder, and it's clear Sue is in one of her stages of unexposed insanity, she decides that Brittany will be the cannonball. Brit-Brit is displeased, even more so when Sue tries to demonstrate with a dummy that all but disintegrates. Quinn says she'll take care of this...
...and we cut to Figgins office where he asks what the fuck? Sue is clearly unhinged, saying the risk of someone's life makes her feel alive again. Sue? You're insane. Figgins decrees no cannon without consent, and this plus her insane state is enough to trigger a "Carmina Burana"-led rampage. Cut to Will telling Beiste about the spectacle when said spectacle blows in, trashing the locker room and, in a moment we kinda figured would eventually happen, tells Will she got her Regionals moved to the same night as the game, meaning the Unholy Trinity will have to make the Sadistic Choice. Cut to Will telling the assembled masses about Sue's power play, meaning the team will have to pull a double, the Titans not responding well to that. After Will makes it clear that the UT are out of one group either way, he reveals the song, a little bit of MJ, though with a touch of Yeah Yeah Yeah because when in doubt, mash it up. And because the group suddenly getting it together defeats the point of Glee, we cut to the auditorium where no one does well. That is, except for one. After the group leaves, Will calls Karofsky over to give him props. And this is where we invoke some Hidden Depths; as Will was announcing the song, we saw Dave with a more accepting look than the rest. Will says if Dave put his energy into something more positive, he'd be amazing.
We cut to makeup being put on as Karofsky approaches Finn and asks for a warm-up number, hiding behind bluster but it's clear Will's words are starting to get to him. In the bathroom, the Unholy Trinity are contemplating their Sadistic Choice as the person responsible for said Sadistic Choice exits a stall and makes with the intimidation tactics. And sadly they seem to work as we cut to Will getting the proper resignation papers. Naturally, some are not thrilled, namely Finn, who lays down a What the Hell, Hero? on Quinn, reminding her of last year. Finn correctly calls her weak as the knight in shining lips arrives, apparently to assert himself and challenge Finn for leadership. According to Sam, new blood is required to keep the bullies at bay as Finn always backs down when challenged, always cows when his pride is hurt. And now, Finn's ego is therefore bruised and shoving ensues, Will arriving to break it up.
And now, Mood Whiplash as the newly zombified ND men and Titans roll back the clock with some appropriate "Zombies". Afterwards, we see ND and the Titans walking down the hallway all puffed up and full of pride and you KNOW how this ends. And here we come to a subtle Brick Joke. We see the McKinley hockey team (you know, the one Karofsky was in in his debut?) arrive, mullets a plenty and apparently the Titans are blind in their makeup as they fail to notice the Big Quenches. They soon notice them up close and personal, as Karofsky, Azimio, and a non-lethal Red Shirt taste the ice. This causes the effect you'd expect, as the team offer a collective Screw This, I'm Outta Here, leaving both the performance and the game.
And now for the main cast member we haven't seen yet. We cut to Dalton for some Destiny's Child. Afterwards, we see Klaine, Rachel, and Mercedes at a spot we'll become familiar with over the rest of the series, a coffee shop known as the "Lima Bean". Klaine brag about their Regionals number, only for Rachel to reveal McKinley's current faction problems, the reason Kurt's heard none of it being Finn's too proud (or cowardly, take your pick) to talk. Rachcedes laments about the Titans barring the ND men quitting, only for Blaine to reveal that HS regs can allow a team to be two short. This makes Rachel go hmm as we cut to an unsurprisingly blank Titans signup sheet, Will liking joining to crossing a picket line; no one wants to be a scab. Cut to the choir room where Beiste says pride will come before the fall, namely them forfeiting. However, Rachel offers an alternate suggestion... namely having the ND women take the field. After the expected reactions, Rachel clarifies that it's only to fill out the team while Zizes jumps at the chance to dish out pain. The ND women hand out the permissions slips to make it official as we cut to Sue trying to get Brittany to sign a liability waiver by invoking Reverse Sue-cology tweaked for Brittany's mental faculties, citing a family of cannons that need her to be launched. Brit-Brit appears to sign as we go to break.
And now, the championship. We see Will, Klaine and the parents Hummel in the crowd as the ex-Titans arrive to pester Finn, only for the new teammates to arrive, the ND women in full gear, gamefaces on... well gamefaces and a showface. However, Puck manages to psych Rachel into the right frame of mind as the New Directions-based Titans huddle. Thing is, reality is far different than anyone thought, as Finn throws a pass which is quickly by the opposing team. As we prepare for halftime, shocking no one, ND's getting slaughtered 17-0. The next pass sees the ball go loose and Tina picks it up, nearly getting the TD before she's tackled. Play is stopped as Mike stands concerned, only for Tina to ask if they won, obviously the wind got knocked out of her. Finn, clearly seeing the writing on the wall, tags Sam in for the second half while sending Puck to try and convince the former Titans to return, while he makes one last plea to the Unholy Trinity to return. We cut to Brittany lamenting her fate as Quinntana try to comfort her. Finn arrives to point out that they joined Sue to become popular while they joined ND because they loved it, the whole mole thing aside. He then hits the Armor-Piercing Question: If they didn't think it'd hurt their reps, what would they choose? Finn then looks at Quinn and says that she may think she's not strong enough to leave, but she surely is. Therefore, the choice is made: The Unholy Trinity are out of Sue's colors. Sue, realizing this, stands shocked. She shouldn't be, because Aesop Amnesia kicks in next season putting Brittana back on the squad, while barring one scene that was just simply a prelude to reinforcement of her future status as Cosmic Plaything, Quinn never wears the Red and White again.
Cut to Puck in the locker room with a combination peptalk and "The Reason You Suck" Speech, saying the ex-Titans are so scared of labels that they'd rather be nothing. This plus a promise from Beiste to let them play if they do halftime convinces all but Karofsky to play. And now for a performance that would make you think it was the Halloween Episode; ND men and the Titans in zombie makeup, ND girls in same. And because you can see the 11th-Hour Ranger from a mile away, a makeup-less Karofsky arrives to join in and we can actually see Max Adler demonstrating some nice footwork. Afterwards, we see a fired up Titans return to the locker room, planning to take the makeup off, only for Beiste to tell them to leave it on for a psych job. The ex-Titans are back on the team and the rest of the game plays like you'd expect, ending with a single piano playing over silent footage of the Titans winning the championship. Interestingly, we see Quinn smiling at Finn like she wants him back or something. Or maybe she saw Rachel in the uniform and got confused. Hmm.
We start the home stretch with Sue talking to Katie Couric of all people. Seems with the Unholy Trinity gone, so went her Regionals streak, snapping at six wins. It also seems that Sue landed #1 on a list of "Losers of the Year", beating the economy, Mel Gibson, the housing market, Dina Lohan, Wall Street, Tiger Woods, the Dallas Cowboys, Brett Favre's cell phone, nine percent unemployment, and Dina Lohan's dog Sparky. Sue appears okay during all of this... until it's revealed that with the loss goes standing and the loss of standing means Will gets the rest of the budget. We then see Katie reveal footage of an interview with Will where he, in his own subtle fashion, gloats about her loss. Sue's response?: "I hate you, Diane Sawyer". Cut to Karofsky at his locker as Finn, the team MVP, approaches to give props. Unfortunately, he then forgets, again, why Karofsky's been the way he's been. One-off performances are fine, getting asked to actually join ND? That flips the switch and he reverts back to type, saying the championship win puts him on top and ND remains on the bottom. Finn stands dilapidated... and then we pan over to see Quinn. See, the thing about her is that due to having it drilled into her by her bastard father, Quinn is always in need of control. And while leaving Sue gave her some control back, it also exposed her to the hierarchy of McKinley, and thus requiring a buffer to shield her from the undesirables. In this case, she falls back to old patterns; she praises Finn for his behavior in regards to Karofsky... then says it reminded her of why she loved him. She then follows with a liplock that she appears to immediately regret, as it looks like it's instinctual to latch on to someone with power, almost as if she doesn't think she's good enough to be herself. And so, we end the first half of Season 2 with the Titans on top, ND on the bottom, and Quinn kissing someone not her boyfriend. It's like Deja Vu all over again. It's like Deja Vu all over again.
Next Time: Chap from Wings there, five songs rapid.
Songs
- California Gurls by Katy Perry, performed by the Cheerios!
- Need You Now by Lady Antebellum, performed by Rachel and Puck
- She's Not There by The Zombies, performed by Finn and the McKinley Titans
- Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny's Child, performed by Blaine and the Warblers
- Thriller/Heads Will Roll by Michael Jackson and Yeah Yeah Yeahs, by New Directions and the McKinley Titans
Tropes:
- Cannon Fodder: Sue wants to shoot Brittany out of a cannon.
- Embarrassing Tattoo: Sue's tattoo...of herself...is misspelled.
- Michael Jackson's Thriller Parody: The dance the Thriller dressed as zombies for the half time show. They make-up is so laborious to get on and off that they also have to wear it for the football game.
