Summary
And not a Joan Jett song in sight.We commence with New Directions gathered around a laptop observing a seemingly random sight: the video for Olivia Newton-John's 1981 classic, "Physical". However, we get a rather humorous subversion in that it is none other than the Tracksuit Tyrant getting physical and yes, there is a payoff for this later on. Kurt says he didn't steal it from a locked cabinet while getting her hormone replacement, while Finn wants to put it on YouTube. Jesse agrees, saying ND needs to stop being lame and get dirty. Speaking of the Adidas demon, we see her walking amongst the sheep before Karofsky utters the magic words "let's get physical". Sue, clearly unaware of her digital violation, merely dismisses him as not her type (she ain't kidding), however when Azimio quotes a lyric, this tips Sue off to something fishy, and for once, it's not the dubious cafeteria food.
Cut to Figgins' office and naturally Sue's on the warpath, correctly calling this an invasion of privacy. She even printed out the comments from the 170,000 views the video got; none flattering. When Will denies it was ND's doing, Sue produces a "Glist", a ranking of the sexual promiscuity of the various New Directions members; the smoking gun was a computer with the password "gleeclub". Figgins even quotes precedent; a year prior there was a list of ten ugly gingers made by none other than Sue, natch.
We then see the "Glist" rankings, minus Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Artie:
- 1. Quinn: +45
- 2. Santana: +43
- 3. Puck: +38
- 4. Brittany: +35
- 5. Jesse: +29
- 6. Finn: +19
- 7. Mike: +11
- 8. Matt: +5
- 9. Rachel: -5
Puck is third, shocker. Rachel is last, she is appalled. Back to Sue, who says normally she'd be pissed someone in glee did something embarrassing before she could, but now she dubiously sympathizes. Figgins tells Will to find the culprit or all of ND gets it while we hit the Title Card.
Buckinglee Palace. Will wants a culprit, naturally all of ND clam up. Santana points at Puck, who denies. Will ties in their "bad reputation" to a lesson, namely taking good songs tainted by whatever reasons and improving their reps. And of course, we get an example with some Vanilla Ice. Hey, any chance for Matt Morrison to show off the moves, huh? Afterwards, we cut to to the lounge as Sue enters to see pretty much the entire faculty staff awash in guffaws. The near fish-eyed camera angles don't help matters. Sue uses a V/O to psych herself up and ignore the laughter, only for it to hit her all at once. Therefore, we need a cameo; fortunately we have Molly Shannon to oblige us, as a transfer with drug problems who stands to laugh at Sue's misfortune.
Speaking of misfortune, when Rachel Berry's ego is crushed, all are not safe. In this case, she asks Artie for some A/V help; seems she's got a bug up the skirt and wants to get down and dirty. We shall warn you now, this, more than usual, will not end well. We return to Kurt and a ND meeting; seems he and those not on the Glist wish to find a way to build up their own reps. However, it seems even those ON the Glist need help too, as we reveal Brittany in the background. Or, more accurately, she took too many meds and forgot basic motor skills. She's also upset at being 4th, evidently she's kissed everyone in the school, students and employees. Not to mention her skills in the carnal arts that are only on par with one Ms. Lopez. Young Hummel wishes to cause a disturbance in the library, raise many eyebrows.
Cut to Sue lamenting to sister Jean, apologizing for not protecting her more. Jean reminds her of how they went to an animal shelter to help, Sue saying there are those worse than them. Such as those with OCD, as we cut to Sue telling Emma she's her new "therapist". Oh dear. Turns out the regular psychologist offed themselves, so Sue stepped in. Thing is, even when "giving back", Sue never stops to make Will Schuester miserable, in this case telling Emma about his dalliances with Shelby Corcoran and April Rhodes. Reverse Sue-Cology is then applied, insults to Emma's face in order to build up her confidence and give her motivation to unleash.
Rachel's Room. Rachel has Puck over, invoking their Portmanteau Couple Name as we see Noah in his finest Phantom mask. She asks for his help, saying his rep improved when they dated and that this is possibly his last chance to keep a rep and stay in ND. For the song, Rachel has chosen David Geddes' 1975 #4 'hit', "Run Joey Run". Puck then laments about how he tries to play nice, but his natural impulses always win out. Rachel sympathizes; she sees dubious performing and she tries to keep the comments down. Puck, again, natural impulses, tries to go for the lips, but Rachel stops him cold.
Break. We return to Sue leading Emma into the lounge as the aforementioned transfer with drug issues pours on more venom. Emma is led in, and sees her target. Emma gathers courage and lays in, calling Will a "slut" and declaring herself done with him. Good girl. Cut to the library, and if the Hammer pants hadn't tipped you off, y'all can't touch them. Of course, it is never that easy; afterwards, we see the librarian announce she's calling her church and having them perform there. Back to the "Glist" subplot, Will interrogates Finn, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Puck again, Brittany ("I don't know how to turn on a computer."), Quinn, Kurt, of course this being a wasteful exercise. Speaking of Hummel, he's perturbed their dubious reps remain intact. Artie lays down the only option; throw themselves on the grenade and tell Sue. Suspension will be counterbalanced with improved reps. Cut to said Bullhorn Bully putting in her journal her concern that this is Karma finally come to collect. We of course know otherwise, and there's a phone call to confirm it, none other than Olivia Newton-John herself, though we will tell you it's a Flanderization for comedic purposes. Sue's not buying it and hangs up, only to get a call back and the confirmation it's the real ONJ. She's asking why Sue made the video and Sue says it was her going through her favorite Jazzercise routines. ONJ says she actually botched the original video, but upon seeing Sue's, wanted the both of them to remake it. Sue is perplexed.
Cut to Will getting the business Sue got at the top of the episode, the drug addicted transfer even throwing herself at him. Will rebuffs, only to get a face full of Ken, yes he's still here, dragging him some more. After the break, we see Kurt all wild eyed and prepared to take the bullet for the video. Sue is coming down the hallway and Kurt owns up to it. Timing is everything though, and Sue thanks him for uploading. Hummel is perplexed. And we soon see why Sue's so forgiving, as said above, her and ONJ did indeed remake the video. Afterwards, we cut to Cape Cangleevil, where Will's setting up for Rachel's video. After Rachel gives a typically self-serving speech, we roll the video and... and... you know what, very rarely will we do this, but let's just have you watch it yourself
.
...yeah. Afterwards, the featured men are not pleased Rachel played all three of them, Finn even tapping into his emotional savvy and saying she only did it to stop being an outcast and start being some "hot, slutty girl singer". Finn piles it on and TBH, Rachel did bring it on herself. One thing to get a better rep, whole other thing to drag people down along the way. Break. Return to Sue thanking Jean for the motivation to tell her belittlers to shove it. Also, since ONJ stiffed her on the check for the vid, Sue's taking her cut and giving it to Jean's nursing home. As Sue reads Jean a story, we begin the home stretch with Will offering a bouquet to Emma as an apology. Emma, still possessing some backbone, appreciates the sentiment but makes it clear nothing is forgiven. As Will leaves, he spots Quinn and then gets the neurons to fire up; seems everyone was accusing everyone but our Ms. Fabray. That, plus him knowing what it's like to build up a good reputation only to ruin it in seconds tipped him off. Once again, Dianna Agron shines, pouring her heart out to Will about all the things she has lost, saying a bad rep's better than no rep at all. Will says once she gives her kid away, she'll be able to do better things than she ever though possible.
Unfortunately, Figgins arrives. Will protects Q, saying ND closed ranks. Figgins, after noticing Quinn in tears, calls this one a wash. Cut to Rachel's locker as Jesse arrives full of snark and hurt, saying that he canvassed the McKinley population, the general consensus being that though she was an unknown and not particularly liked, those who did know her could trust her. When Rachel says she has a pathological need to be popular and that it sometimes clouds her judgement, Jesse agrees on that level. Throw the emotions in and it's another story. Rachel haughtily says she knew Jesse would break her heart, but Jesse correctly says she broke his first. And thus, Rachel again sees herself hoisted again, though Jesse won't just vanish. We'll see him again after the next episode. And thus we end this episode with Rachel and the men she hurt venting in proper Bonnie Tyler style, intercut with St. Berry getting their ballet on, reputations dented if not entirely broken.
Next Time: What happens when the resident diva loses her defining feature?
Songs
- "Physical", performed by Sue (and a Reprise with Sue and Olivia Newton-John)
- "Ice Ice Baby", performed by Will and New Directions
- "Can't Touch This", performed by Artie, danced by Brittany
- "Run Joey Run", performed by Rachel, Jesse, Finn and Puck
- "Total Eclipse of the Heart", performed by Rachel
Tropes appearing in the episode
- Abhorrent Admirer: Miss Castle hits on Will.
- Adam Westing: Olivia Newton-John.
- Almost Kiss: Puck's charm is pretty strong, but Rachel resists.
- Arson Murderand Jaywalking: Jesse and Finn are angry at the way they're represented as romantic rivals. Puck is concerned that the video sucks.
- Call-Forward: Santana and Brittany with wings in "Run Joey Run" looks like shots from their wedding preparations in season 6.
- Can't Get in Trouble for Nuthin': Artie, Kurt, Tina and Mercedes are worried that they don't make the Glist. Their attempt to disrupt the library is applauded and they're asked to perform at the librarian's church.
- Hotter and Sexier: Sue and Olivia's remake of "Physical", complete with
Les Yay. - Instant Web Hit: Sue's videos.
- Interrogation Montage: Will trying to find out who posted the Glist.
- Shout-Out: The gold wings of Rachel's in "Run Joey Run" resemble Alexander McQueen's (posthumously) famous Savage Beauty jacket.
- Slut-Shaming: Emma takes down Will for his behavior with both Shelby and April.
- Stylistic Suck: Rachel's "Run Joey Run" video is MADE of this trope.
- Third-Option Love Interest: Puck in the Rachel/Finn/Jesse triangle.
