Airdate: March 12, 2006
Peter wins a week of maid service after appearing on Wheel of Fortune, and Quagmire falls for her, which changes his sexually-depraved personality. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to live without breast milk from Lois.
I Take Thee, Quagmire contains examples of:
- Bowdlerization:
- For reasons unknown, Cleveland asking Quagmire if he had an erection in his pocket had "erection" bleeped when FOX aired this episode note .
- During Quamire and Joan's montage parodying Disney films, the section where they recreate "A Whole New World" is edited or cut from Middle Eastern airings of the episode, due to the moment where they're shown flying over a war-torn Baghdad and getting fired at with missiles.
- FOX cut out a cutaway where Peter presents his invention of Crystal Pepsi due to the station not allowing such promotion of a product.
- Epic Fail: While on the Great Space Coaster, Peter somehow got himself and everyone on board lost for seven years.
- Faking the Dead: Quagmire's plan so that Joan will leave.
- Fauxdian Slip: When Quagmire discovers Joan is suicidal/homicidal:Joan: (angrily) I love you, Glen.
Quagmire: (nervously) I love you, too, insane woman I'm having second thoughts about!
Joan: What?!
Quagmire: Allllll right! - Game Show Appearance: The episode opens with Peter competing on Wheel of Fortune.
- Girl of the Week: Joan the maid for Quagmire.
- Ladykiller in Love: The episode focuses on Quagmire, a regular womanizer, settling down. Of course, this doesn't last and his desire to get out of the relationship fuels the rest of the episode.
- Male Gaze: There are a lot of close-ups of Lois' swelled up breasts.
- Mundane Solution: The fake death that was set up for Quagmire involves him being "attacked" by a ninja, a Nazi, and a robot, with a dinosaur "eating" his remains. This fails to convince Joan, so Quagmire pretends to die of a simple heart attack, which convinces her no problem.
- Murder-Suicide: Joan threatens to do this if Quagmire tried to end their relationship.
- No Dead Body Poops: Defied; at Peter’s prompting, Quagmire soils himself to sell the illusion of his death.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Glen doesn't lust over Peter's maid Joan like he does with other women, but actually falls in love with her and gives his depraving behavior a major overhaul. Peter suspects this is another trick, but then tries to change him back when he commits to go through with it.
- Potty Failure: To make doubly sure that Joan believes Quagmire when he fakes a heart attack, Peter says, "When people die, they void their bowels." Nothing happens, so Peter reiterates: "I said, when people die, they void their bowels!" Cut to outside the house, where Joe, Peter, and Cleveland are heard laughing when Quagmire finally goes through with it.Peter: What a jackass.
- Rage Breaking Point:
- One cutaway has Peter on The Great Space Coaster. After said coaster somehow gets lost for seven years, and Peter is losing his sanity, Ricky starts singing the theme song, leading to:
Peter: Shut up Ricky, just shut up right now! Unless the next words out of your mouth are directions how to get back to the fish skeleton, I'm gonna punch you right in the stomach!- He gets another one when Quagmire refuses his gift of the Statue of Liberty’s foot.
Peter: Hey, hey, do you have any idea what I went through to get this?! A lot! A real lot! You think this is just, "Oh, here comes Peter with the Statue of Liberty's foot, oh isn't that a gas?" No, no, the reality, the real reality of getting this together was staggering! You know? This cost me $437,000 - don't ask me how I got it! - I had to call in a whole bunch of favors from people I've never even met...! So the very least you could do is just... rub up against— I dunno...'' - Self-Harm: Joan's first response to Quagmire trying to end their marriage is to hold a knife to her wrist.
- Senseless Sacrifice: Joan attempts to fight Death to stop him from taking Quagmire. The moment she touches him, she drops dead.
- Shout-Out:
- One of Peter’s guesses on Wheel of Fortune is “the Batman symbol.”
- When Peter shows the videotape of Quagmire being "eaten" by a dinosaur, Peter hums the Jurassic Park theme.
- The scene where Peter rides on Joan’s back and is coaxed into a drag race by two Asian twins in yellow blazers is an almost shot-for-shot parody of Better Off Dead.
- Mayor West's reaction to finding the Statue of Liberty's foot is "Damn you all to hell!"
- Spanner in the Works: In order to be free of Joan, Quagmire faked his death, with his friends planning to dig him up once the funeral's over. Mayor West throws a wrench in these plans by having the casket encased in cement to prevent the deceased from coming back as zombies, causing Peter to have to expose the truth so Quagmire doesn't die for real.
- Stylistic Suck: The video that the guys make faking Quagmire's death. It involves Joe playing a ninja, Cleveland playing a Nazi, and Peter holding up a dinosaur toy (with his hand still in frame) to pretend that Quagmire is being eaten.
- Subverted Catchphrase: After a newly-married Quagmire watches Lois's boobs jiggle: "Giggity giggity GOD! I've made a terrible mistake!"
- Take That!: Death says he had a meeting at NBC about Joey.
- This Is Gonna Suck: Joan has this reaction when she sees just how dumb Peter [her new boss] is.
- Touch of Death: Joan dies when she touches Death. Moments later, a random guy from the crowd high-fives Death and instantly drops dead too.
- Translation: "Yes": Quagmire has a fantasy of him and Joan being in the middle of the forest and Joan professing her love to him in Elvish. Quagmire replies with a lengthy Elvish phrase of his own... which translates to "Giggity".
- Yandere: Joan turns into this after Quagmire tries to end their marriage. Out of fear that she would hurt herself and him, he backed out of it.
