Season 5 starts off with a battle of the ages between fantasy authors J. R. R. Tolkien (played by Peter Shukoff) and George R. R. Martin (played by Lloyd Ahlquist.)
TROPES
- Angst Aversion: In-Universe, Tolkien disapproves of Martin's habit of randomly killing his characters.
- The Anti-Nihilist: Tolkien doesn't necessarily disagree with Martin's view that the world is chaotic and bad things happen, but notes that the fantasy genre is to provide an escape from those harsh realities.
- Anyone Can Die: Martin fully embraces this mindset in his stories and even delights in making readers fall in love with his characters only to kill them off unexpectedly. He mocks Tolkien for sticking to The Good Guys Always Win.
- The Cameo: Daenerys Targaryen, Hodor, Jon Snow, the Eye of Sauron, high elves, an orc, and Mikey Walsh make silent cameos in the background, while Led Zeppelin appear in Tolkien’s last verse to provide background music.
- Cash-Cow Franchise: In-Universe, Tolkien boasts that his franchise makes billions of dollars for his family.
- Cool Old Guy: Tolkien’s more Rock and Roll than Martin, just ask Led Zeppelin!
- Darker and Edgier: Martin says Game of Thrones has more death, despair and other dark stuff than Lord of the Rings.
- Dirty Coward: Tolkien thinks Martin is a coward for his history of Draft Dodging.
- Dirty Old Man: Martin shows a few signs of this when he gleefully talks about how much sex he puts in his books.
- Distinguished Gentleman's Pipe: Fitting for an Oxford professor, Tolkien carries and uses a smoking pipe.
- Draft Dodging: Martin’s conscientious objector status is contrasted with Tolkien's experiences as a soldier.
- Escapism: Tolkien defends his more idealistic writing style by claiming that the Fantasy genre is meant to be unrealistic.
- Fat Bastard: Tolkien makes several digs about Martin’s weight in addition to his unpleasantness.
- Fat Idiot: Tolkien thinks of Martin as a fat and uninspired hack, as Tolkien claims that Martin and Jon Snow both know nothing.
- Flanderization: Martin's incarnation in the battle is more in keeping with The Theme Park Version idea of his books and the related TV show. Amongst other things he accuses Tolkien of letting good guys survive and bad guys die (which ignores Thorin, Boromir, Denethor and the Scourging of the Shire, not to mention the Bible of death and suffering that is The Silmarillion) and having too much detail in his books (each volume of A Song of Ice and Fire has dozens of pages on characters' genealogy alone, and backstory that goes back decades is often vital to characters' motivations). The Real Life Martin has repeatedly expressed admiration for Tolkien and likewise stated that Tolkien's books have the Unbuilt Tropes his own series drew from, and has claimed that one of his problems with Tolkien is when he is too reductive and not detailed enough
. On the Tolkien side of things, the battle plays up his status as a soldier, with Tolkien bragging about his experiences in the Somme and shaming Martin for not serving in the Vietnam War, both things that would be very unlikely in real life as Tolkien was deeply traumatized by his experiences (and thus would never brag about them) and grew to actively despise war (so it's unlikely he'd diss Martin for not wanting to go to war). - Follow the Leader: In-Universe, Martin is accused of being "an uninspired hack" by Tolkien, who claims that he even stole the R. R.
- The Good Guys Always Win: Tolkien defends this stance in his writing by pointing out fantasy is supposed to be unrealistic, so he can have the heroes win every single time if wants.
- Good Is Boring: Martin argues that Tolkien's black-and-white morality makes his books way too cliche and predictable.
- Hotter and Sexier: Martin says someone would need an all-seeing eye to find sex in Tolkien's stories, while it is much more apparent in his own.
- Hurricane of Puns: Puns on The Lord of the Rings titles in Tolkien’s last lines:You can't reach this fellow. Shit, I'm too towering.
Every time I battle, it's return of the king. - Hypocritical Humor:
- Martin accuses Tolkien of bogging down his stories with excessive detail, even though A Song of Ice and Fire is pretty detail-heavy itself.
- Martin is incredulous that a chain smoker like Tolkien would lecture him about his unhealthy life choices.Man, your fat jokes are worse than your pipe smoke!
- Insult Backfire: Tolkien spends most of the battle turning Martin's disses on their head. His character deaths are predictable because he writes fantasy, his extensive worldbuilding made The Silmarillion a successful book, Led Zeppelin was inspired by his works, making him more "rock and roll" than Martin, etc.
- Lean and Mean: Tolkien gets in several shots at Martin's weight, who happens to have a lot more of it than him.
- Lighter and Softer: Martin mocks Tolkien’s works for being more light-hearted/family-friendly than his own. Tolkien doesn't see this as a bad thing.Tolkien: Newsflash: the genre's called fantasy! It's meant to be unrealistic; you MYOPIC MANATEE!
- Pretender Diss: Tolkien mocks Martin for being a LARPer instead of a real soldier, in addition to his novel writing, by declaring that, "You and Jon Snow both know nothing!"
- This Is Reality: Tolkien concedes that it is more true to life for characters to die randomly no matter who they are.
- Retired Badass: Tolkien motions his status veteran of World War I, specifically taking part in the Battle of the Somme.
- Sadist: Martin shows signs of this, considering he lets his readers grow attached to his characters, only to gleefully kill them off.
- Sex Sells: Martin believes this and gives this advice to Tolkien, i.e. "Ditch the Goonie, cast a couple boobies!"
- Sharp-Dressed Man: It's the reason Tolkien gets called "Professor Tweedpants" by Martin. Tolkien retaliates by saying he doesn't take criticism on clothes "from a dude who sends a raven to say 'Hi' to his toes".
- Slobs vs. Snobs: George RR Martin is very raunchy and vulgar, while JRR Tolkien is dressed in a tweed jacket and smokes a Distinguished Gentleman's Pipe.
- Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism: Martin takes the cynical approach and mocks the Black-and-White Morality of Tolkien's prose. Tolkien, meanwhile, defends the idealistic approach on the grounds that it's the part of the point of the fantasy genre, and as such, doesn't have to be realistic or cynical.
- Sophisticated as Hell: While Tolkien makes his gentlemanly verbal jabs, he has friggin' Led Zeppelin back up his rhymes.
- Strictly Formula: Martin claims this of Tolkien’s books; "you can tell what's going to happen by page and age 5!"
- Suddenly Shouting: Several times, Tolkien goes from speaking calmly to shouting at the top of his lungs.C. S. Lewis and I were just discussing, how you and Jon Snow BOTH KNOW NOTHING!
- Trolling Creator: Martin is depicted In-Universe as openly making fun of his readers' shocked reaction when he kills their favorite characters.Martin: My readers fall in love with every character I've written.
Then I kill them! And they're like, "No, he didn't!" - Worldbuilding: Martin thinks Tolkien takes world-building too far by saying "we don't need the backstory on every fucking tree branch!". Tolkien defends it by claiming his Silmarillion is doing pretty well on sales.
