Recap / Columbo S 03 E 02

Episode: Season 3, Episode 2
Title:"Any Old Port in a Storm"
Directed by: Leo Penn
Written by: Stanley Ralph Ross (teleplay), Larry Cohen (story)
Air Date: October 7, 1973
Previous: Lovely but Lethal
Next: Candidate for Crime
Guest Starring: Donald Pleasence, Gary Conway, Julie Harris

"Any Old Port in a Storm" is the second episode of the third season of Columbo.

Vintner and oenophile Adrian Carsini (Donald Pleasence) is about to be named man of the year by his fellow wine enthusiasts. Just before decanting a vintage claret with them, he goes to his office and encounters his half-brother Rick. The two brothers have never seen eye to eye; Adrian views wine as an art, whereas Rick sees it as merely a business and deplores his brother's high-minded amateurism and lack of business sense. He informs Adrian that he is getting married, and that he is going to sell the land on which the vineyard is built. Desperate to prevent this, Adrian knocks him out and drags him to his private wine cellar, where he ties him up and leaves him to die of suffocation and starvation. Meanwhile he and his private secretary Karen (Julie Harris) jet off to New York City for a series of vintage wine auctions. He returns and finds his brother dead, then dresses him in scuba gear and dumps him in the sea.

Rick's fiancee Joyce (Joan Stacey) goes to the police to report him missing. Although there is not yet any sign of a murder, Lieutenant Columbo agrees to look for Rick, who is soon discovered dead in the ocean, apparently the victim of a scuba diving accident. His convertible is found parked by the coast with the top up. Several things bother Columbo: Carsini's stomach was completely empty at the time of his death, suggesting a prolonged fast; the day Rick died (per the medical examiner's report) was rainy, and not ideal for scuba diving; Rick loved his car and would not have left the top down on a rainy day.

Columbo visits the vineyard and interviews people there, including Adrian Carsini and his secretary Karen. Everyone remembers Rick visiting the vineyard on the 16th, just before they left for their trip to New York City. Columbo next interviews Falcon and Stein, the two oenophiles who were visiting Carsini on the day his brother came to the vineyard. They don't recall seeing Rick, but remember that Carsini left the room for a while, and that after he returned, he allowed Falcon to decant the claret instead of doing it himself.

After a crash course on wine, Columbo uses his newfound knowledge to impress Carsini. He prevails on Carsini to give him a look at the wine cellar where his most expensive wines are stored. He asks whether someone could be locked inside, and Carsini insists that this is impossible, because the door can be locked only from the outside. Columbo asks for a demonstration, and Carsini obliges by briefly locking him inside the cellar.

Columbo asks Karen whether she saw Rick leave the winery on the 16th. She replies that she saw him arrive and leave. This contradicts the testimony of the vineyard security guard, but Karen claims the guard is an unreliable drunkard. Columbo immediately calls Carsini and invites him to an expensive restaurant, as a way of expressing his regret for having suspected him.

Before the dinner with Columbo, Carsini asks Karen if she suspects him of murdering Rick, and she claims that she doesn't. At dinner, Columbo orders a bottle of Ferrier port, vintage 1945, an exceptionally rare wine of which Carsini himself owns a single bottle. To Carsini's amazement, the restaurant has a bottle, and it is served to them. Columbo and Karen enjoy their first taste, but Carsini is disgusted. He can tell after one sip that the wine has been stored at too high a temperature, rendering it undrinkable. He makes a scene, and the maitre d' lets them leave without paying. Before parting, Columbo casually informs Carsini of a 109-degree day that occurred during his trip to New York. He also thanks Karen for helping to lay his suspicions to rest.

While driving back to the winery, Carsini asks Karen why she lied to Columbo, and she reveals her romantic feelings toward her employer. She wants to be more than just his secretary, and implies that she is willing to use her knowledge as leverage to force him to marry her.

After Columbo's remark about the 109-degree day, Carsini realizes that all his wine was spoiled by the heat, since he had switched off the ventilation system in order to suffocate his brother. He takes the bottles to the coast and begins throwing them into the sea. He is discovered here by Columbo, who explains how he was sure of Carsini's guilt: while he was briefly locked in Carsini's cellar he pocketed his bottle of Ferrier port. This was the bottle that the wine steward served them at the restaurant, the bottle that Carsini himself deemed dreadful as a result of overheating. Carsini agrees to confess, glad to escape a forced marriage to his secretary. Before booking him, Columbo treats Carsini to a Montefiascone dessert wine, which he deems very suitable for the “final course”.

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Tropes present in this episode include:

• Affably Evil: Despite being a self-admittedly remorseless murderer, Adrian's passionate about his art and pays his people well. He is polite to Columbo and ends up forming a sort of friendship with him by the end; despite being a huge wine snob he seems to enjoy helping Columbo cultivate an appreciation for his passion rather than being a nasty gatekeeper. He takes his defeat with grace and the two share a last glass of wine before Columbo takes him to the police station.
• The Alleged Car: A Running Gag for the series regarding Columbo's ancient Peugeot. He parks it at the restaurant, and the valet remarks in surprise that "You don't see these much anymore." After Columbo goes inside the restaurant, the valet tries to park the car—but the engine won't start.
• All for Nothing: To keep control of the Carsini Winery, and keep Rick from selling it off to cut-rate winemakers The Marino Brothers, Adrian suffocates Rick in his wine cellar and disposes of his body as though it was a scuba accident. This only serves to tip off Columbo, as the method used to kill Rick, by shutting off the air conditioning to his wine cellar rather than just finishing him off with another blow to the head, left him dehydrated and malnourished before death, quite unlike what a healthy eater like Rick would be before diving. Columbo concludes that Rick was dead before he was ever in the water. Also, shutting off the air conditioning ruins Adrian's entire wine collection, save what he'd recently bought in New York, due to a particularly hot day when Adrian was out of town, allowing the wine to overheat and oxidize. By the end of the episode, Adrian is en route to prison, and has lost both his winery and virtually his entire wine collection.
• And Now You Must Marry Me: After she has lied to the police for him, Karen expects Carsini to marry her. The prospect of a forced marriage, along with the loss of his rare wines, is what leads him to confess so readily.
• And Starring: Julie Harris gets the "Special Guest Star" credit.
• Artistic License – Law:
  • Columbo undertakes to search for a missing man before there is any sign that he's dead, much less dead by violence. In real life, it's doubtful that a homicide detective would be allowed to spend his time this way. Lampshaded as Carsini out and out asks Columbo why he's working this case when it wasn't a clear murder or even a clear suicide. (Columbo's answer: "I just go where they tell me to.")
• Bald of Evil: Creepy bald Donald Pleasence, as usual in almost everything he did that wasn't a Halloween movie.
• Berserk Button:
  • What drives Adrian over the edge is when Rick mocks him about how he's going to sell the vineyard to the Marino Brothers, a mass market wine company, but tells Adrian he'll be taken care of, and maybe the Marino Brothers will "allow" Carsini to "lick the labels."
    Adrian: The Marino Brothers? The... Marino Broth... THE MARINO BROTHERS?! The "69¢-a-gallon" Marino Brothers?! They don't make WINE! They don't even make good mouthwash!
  • Also later, during the scene in the restaurant when he believes they've been served a glass of wine that is so oxidized from overheating he suggests it's been stored on the stove. It's a masterclass in acting from Pleasence.
    Adrian: An exciting meal has been RUINED by the presence of this...This...LIQUID FILTH!
• Big Eater: Rick was one, which makes Columbo suspicious when the autopsy on his body shows that he had been starved before dying.
• Blackmail: After Karen lies for Adrian, she attempts to blackmail him into marriage. For once a blackmailer survives on this show! Though Adrian takes the chance to remove himself from her grasp by accepting his arrest.
• Both Sides Have a Point: Of the Jerkass Has a Point variety. Rick is a hedonist who plays fast and loose with the family fortune, but he calls out his half-brother on how he indulges in a portion of his own produce instead of selling it to make a profit. Adrian is a snob who hardly even utilizes the business lucratively, but he recognizes his half-brother is grossly selling out the business to an inferior company, just to make a quick buck for a wedding to a girl he might not even stay with.
• Chair Reveal: How Rick surprises his brother in his office.
• Chekhov's Gun: Columbo works out that Adrian left Rick to suffocate in his wine cellar through shutting off the air conditioning and sealing the room off by stealing a bottle of expensive wine and having it served at an apology meal for Adrian at an expensive restaurant. Since Adrian was away in New York, he had no idea that one of the hottest days on record took place while he was gone. Due to the air conditioning being off, every bottle of expensive wine was heated by the ambient temperature in the room in excess of 150 degrees, so when Adrian loudly crows that the wine has spoiled, it gives Columbo the evidence he needs to explain how Rick was emaciated and died from suffocation before he was disposed of in the water.
• Chekhov's Skill: As Adrian is a wine connoisseur, he's able to pick up on subtle nuances in wine that others with less experience would miss. This is eventually his undoing. Columbo suspects that Adrian locked Rick in the wine cellar and left him there to suffocate, but can't find the proof, until he discovers one of the days Adrian was gone in New York was one of the hottest on record. He secretly has one of Adrian's private stock served to him at dinner, and while neither Columbo nor Karen notice anything off, Adrian immediately notices that the wine has been overheated and oxidized. This confirms Columbo's suspicion that Rick was indeed locked in there, and that Adrian shut off the air conditioning to suffocate him, unwittingly ruining his entire private wine collection in the process. Adrian even lampshades this when Columbo comes to confront him with the evidence, and states he's one of the few people with a palate refined enough to be able to notice the wine was bad, and laughingly admits that his skill has sealed his fate.
• Commonality Connection: Adrian and Columbo initially bond over their Italian heritage, with Columbo making him laugh, and then as Columbo takes an interest in and educates himself about wine Adrian is more than happy to help him develop as a fellow connoisseur. They seem to get along better than Adrian does with his fellow wine fans. Columbo, however, always keeps his eye on the prize throughout.
• Cool Car: A plot point. Columbo puzzles over why Rick, who supposedly went scuba diving, left the top down on his super-fancy convertible Ferrari on a rainy day.
• Cruel and Unusual Death: Adrian leaves Rick locked in his wine cellar with the air turned off to suffocate. He survives two days without any food or water before finally expiring.
• Doing It for the Art: Adrian loves wine so much willing to bankrupt the vineyard in order to produce wine so high in quality that few can afford to buy it. Later, after he realizes he's ruined his valuable stocks, he starts throwing them out, even though he may be one of the only people in the world who'd notice a difference in flavor.
• Entitled to Have You: Karen is a realistic form of this trope. Rather than simply being a mustache-twirling type trying to trap their love interest in marriage, her mindset of trapping Adrian is built on the belief that because she sacrificed 12 years being his dutiful secretary, he owes her his affection.
• Failed a Spot Check: Adrian doesn't think it's a bit odd that Columbo would order so rare a wine as the '45 Ferrier port on a cop's salary.
• Good Is Not Nice: Severely downplayed given the context, but when revealing how he figured out Adrian murdered his brother, Columbo admits to having done a "bad thing": stealing a bottle of wine from Adrian's own vault.
• Graceful Loser: Adrian chuckles, compliments Columbo on his cleverness, and remarks that he's relieved now that he doesn't have to marry Karen. He also readily agrees to make a full confession, adding that there's no remorse, only the feeling that a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders.
• Ignored Enamored Underling: Karen had worked for Adrian for twelve years without revealing her feelings, but when she lies for him, he asks her why and she tells him she loves him. He's uncertain of his feelings for her in return, but he knows that he doesn't like someone having a hold on him. And then she tries to force him to marry her and he certainly knows how to feel about that.
• Irony: When Adrian and Rick’s father died, he left Adrian the family fortune and Rick ownership of the winery. However, Rick has no higher ideals around wine and is content to live a playboy lifestyle while Adrian is a wine connoisseur and extremely passionate about the craft but also shown to be poor at handling money. Both sons would have probably been better off if they had the other’s inheritance.
• Jerkass: Both Rick and Adrian. Rick wastes his money on the high life and frequent failed marriages, and while the winery and land are his, and he only allows Adrian to run it because he wanted Adrian to make a profit for him, it's hard to feel sympathy when Rick tells him he's selling out to the Marino Brothers, and joking that maybe they'll let Adrian, who's put his entire life into the winery for decades, lick the labels. Adrian is sympathetic to a point, but not only does he run the business into the ground by insisting on bottling wines few people will ever be able to afford to buy, he also frequently goes out and spends upwards of $5,000 a bottle or more on wines that he's solely keeping for himself in his wine collection. Also, Rick's latest intended bride seemed completely in love with Rick, and is completely destroyed when she discovers he's dead, and later, that he's been likely murdered. Still, thanks to Donald Pleasence's portrayal of Adrian, you end up having more sympathy for him than for Rick.
• Jerkass Has a Point: Rick may have been a jerk, but he's right about Adrian's poor business sense.
• Ladykiller in Love: Rick has been in several failed marriages with loose women and gets defensive about his new girlfriend when Adrian brings this up. However, when we meet his new prospective bride, she's a stable, friendly, woman who seems to have genuinely loved Rick for who he was and not his money. Naturally, she's heartbroken to learn he died.
• Life's Work Ruined: Adrian murders Rick by leaving him bound in his wine vault and turning off the air conditioner so he suffocates. However, while he is away, there is an unexpectedly hot day that raises the temperature in the uncooled vault to the point where the wine oxidizes, destroying his priceless collection.
• Lonely at the Top: As the episode goes on, it becomes clear that Adrian's talent for wine has isolated him from others, even his fellow connoisseurs, to the point that when he recognizes Columbo's intellect and developing regard for wine, he seems grateful to have a friend.
• Make It Look Like an Accident: Adrian's plan to fake a scuba diving accident for Rick. It's ruined when the coroner reports that Rick hadn't eaten for two days (he was actually dying a horrible slow death in the vault), and Columbo notes that the car had no rain damage despite the top being down (Adrian hid it inside the winery).
• Match Cut: From Adrian smashing a bottle of wine to waves crashing against rocks on the coast.
• Moment of Weakness: Subverted. Adrian originally attacks Rick in a rage, immediately after rubbing his nose in the fact that his life's work and passion is about to be handed over to the wine equivalent of Walmart for low-quality mass production. This is, if not excusable, at least somewhat sympathetic and understandable. But after clubbing his brother unconscious, Adrian then decides to throw him into the wine vault to suffocate to death over the course of several days, a colder act of premeditation that destroys his priceless collection and sows the seeds of his own doom.
• Money Dumb: Adrian inherited a great deal of money from his father, but he's lost most of it because of his taste in wine. Not only is he so intent on pursuing quality over quantity that the business is going under, he's willing to spend thousands of dollars on wine that's too expensive to drink just for the thrill of owning it.
• Mundane Solution: Both Adrian and Columbo do this at separate occasions when guessing the type of wine they're tasting: Adrian places his guess down to the exact year and brand and when everyone is amazed by his accuracy, he tells them that he just sneaked a peek at the label when everyone else was too busy to notice, and Columbo narrows his guess down to 2 types of red wine, something that would be impressive for a complete amateur like he is, if he didn't already know that the Carsini vineyard only produces 3 types of red wine and it's not the type he tasted earlier.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Rick plans to sell the vineyard to the Marino Brothers, known for making cheap but profitable wine. This is a clear allusion to Ernest and Julio Gallo, founders of a massive winery in southern California that was one of the first to market to the masses.
• Oh, Crap!: When Columbo talks about how the week previous (when Adrian had tied his brother up in the wine cellar and turned off the A/C so he'd suffocate) there was a day when the temperature unexpectedly shot to 109 °F, Adrian's eyes go wide for a moment as he realizes the implications for his wine collection.
• Pet the Dog: Columbo treats Adrian kindly twice after the latter has been arrested. When Adrian worries about how his family's winery will go on after his arrest, Columbo assures him it will continue to thrive in his absence. And as a consolation, he and Adrian share one last bottle of wine together.
• Phenotype Stereotype: Averted. Rick (full name Enrico Giuseppe Carsini) is of Italian ancestry, but doesn't look it, according to Columbo. His fiancée explains that the family comes from Milan.
• Poor Communication Kills:
  • While Columbo talks to her, Rick's fiance mentions how Rick's motivation for getting more money was so they could have a luxurious wedding and honey moon. She brings up she would've been content with a simple wedding with no big splash. Had she made it clear to Rick, he might not have tried to convince Adrian to sell the vineyard, Adrian wouldn't have killed Rick, and the two parties would've been happier for it.
  • For that matter, the Carsinis' father implicitly recognized that each of his sons was His Own Worst Enemy and tried to short-circuit their worst impulses by giving Rick, who had a taste for the playboy high life, the family wineyard and Adrian, whose passionate perfectionism would prove an obstacle to actually turning a profit on their product, the family fortune. It backfired spectacularly, since Adrian proved a poor businessman who squandered the family's wealth on his wine collection and Rick, who had no interest in wine, just hired his brother to manage the business in his stead.
• Pyrrhic Victory: The scope of Adrian's efforts to keep his vineyard out of his greedy competitors' hands is an inverted version of this. On one hand, his murder eventually leads him to being discovered by Columbo. On the other hand, not only will his winery continue, but his arrest means he doesn't have to marry Karen against his will.
• Quantity vs. Quality: Out of over a hundred varieties of wine, Carsini Wineries only produces six, according to Adrian's exacting tastes (no champagne, for example). This makes excellent wine, but the lack of diversity (and the cost of those six) end up making the winery unprofitable.
• Sinister Suffocation: Adrian kills his brother by locking him in a wine cellar and leaving him there to suffocate. He doesn't realize that by doing this he'll destroy his stores of wine.
• Sommelier Speak: After a session with a French wine merchant, Columbo learns to deploy impressive-sounding oenological terms.
• Super-Senses: Adrian's rarefied sense of taste is something of a plot point.
• Sympathetic Murderer: Despite being rather arrogant, Adrian has a genuine passion for fine wines and in an offhand comment it is mentioned that he pays the highest wages of any vineyard in that part of California. He also enjoys helping Columbo cultivate a taste for fine wine in the same episode. Columbo likes him so much that, after arresting him, he pulls over to the side of the road so they can share one last bottle of wine before he hauls him off to be booked.
• Sympathy for the Devil: Even after Carsini has admitted to murder and has even stated that he feels no remorse, Columbo feels bad enough for him to treat him to a bottle of port.
• Trophy Violence: Adrian knocks Rick out cold by hitting him with a trophy.
• Too Clever by Half: Adrian probably would've gotten away with his murder if he simply killed Rick by hitting him on the head again and then buried him in the woods or something rather than concocting the scuba diving ruse.
• Wine Is Classy: The whole basis of Carsini's character. He views wine as Serious Business. Also his motive for murder, as Rick is going to sell the vineyard to a mass marketing company, which offends Adrian the wine snob.