Episode: Season 1, Episode 14
Title: Let Me Count the Ways
Directed by: James Burrows
Written by: Heide Perlman
Air Date: January 13, 1983
Previous: Now Pitching, Sam Malone
Next: Father Knows Last
Guest Starring: John Ratzenberger, Mark King
Title: Let Me Count the Ways
Directed by: James Burrows
Written by: Heide Perlman
Air Date: January 13, 1983
Previous: Now Pitching, Sam Malone
Next: Father Knows Last
Guest Starring: John Ratzenberger, Mark King
"Let Me Count the Ways" is the 14th episode of the first season of Cheers.
The gang at Cheers are getting geared up to watch a Boston Celtics game when a call comes in for Diane. It turns out that her family's pet cat, Elizabeth, has died. Diane spends the whole Celtics game on the edge of tears, looking for comfort from her friends and co-workers, but to no avail. Finally, after Diane bawls out the others for their lack of sympathy, Sam takes her into the back and they have a heart-to-heart.
The B-plot also involves the Celtics. Marshall, a computer scientist nerd from MIT, tells Sam and Coach that the Celtics always lose when there's a lot of radiation in the Van Allen Belt. Sam and Coach capitalize on this intel by betting against the Celtics—and they try very hard to hide this from everyone else in the bar.
Tropes:
- Acting Unnatural: Coach is very very unconvincing when the Celtics mount their late comeback, saying "I wish I had money on the Celtics" in a wooden, robotic manner.
- Bait-and-Switch: When Diane makes her first hysterical demand for sympathy, Norm says "This is me," then comes over and gives Diane a heartfelt talk about what his uncle would say when a family member died... then when the game comes back from commercial he rushes through the end so he doesn't miss anything.
- Comforting the Widow: Sam and Diane's mutual tears over the death of Diane's cat lead to a hug, which turns into kissing—which leads to an argument when Diane breaks the kiss off.
- Comically Missing the Point:
- Coach, as usual. Sam, having gotten Marshall's tip about the Celtics, says "Coach, when was the last time you had a sure thing?" Coach answers "Uh, Rosie McGonagall."
- When Diane tells Sam she's been sending not-so-subtle hints all day that she'd like some kind, or indeed any kind of support, Sam just states she could've just said.
- Dark and Troubled Past: Diane admits her parents argued so much and so viciously when she was a child that she nearly considered killing herself, and the only reason she didn't was because of her cat.
- Drama Queen: Diane, though this time because of grief at her cat's death and guilt over not being there in her last moments. She turns off a Celtics game to make an impassioned speech about how no-one's showing any sympathy to her.
- False Cause: You'd think a scientist like Marshall would actually try and explain how the Van Allen Belt influences the outcome of basketball games.
- Foreshadowing: Carla is really flirty with Marshall the MIT nerd. This pays off in the very next episode when it turns out that Marshall may have knocked her up.
- It Runs in the Family: Mrs. Chambers phones up the bar, and Sam receives. We only hear his end of the conversation, but it's pretty clear Diane's mom is as acerbic towards him as her daughter.Sam: Good news: You're definitely not adopted.
- The Last Straw: Diane tries to get through the day with no support from the rest of the bar, but when a customer notes she's screwed up another drink order, she starts crying again.
- Like an Old Married Couple: Sam and Diane at the end of the episode, getting into a childish argument, Sam getting at Diane for... how she eats pretzels, and Diane yells at him for his awful cologne.
- Manly Tears: Diane is extremely moved, when her story about how guilty she feels about Elizabeth's death makes Sam cry.
- No Sympathy: The bar is momentarily with Diane until she reveals the death in her family is her cat, then all sympathy evaporates.
- Not Helping Your Case: Sam insists he didn't just use his pet dog to pick up gals... as he zones out on whether he remembers its name properly, or if he's just getting it confused with one of those ladies.
- Pet's Homage Name: Diane's cat Elizabeth was actually named "Elizabeth Barrett Browning" for the poet.
- Sand In My Eyes: Sam denies that he is crying after Diane talks about Elizabeth, saying he's "allergic to cat stories."
- Seinfeldian Conversation: The Teaser has Diane coming into the bar and talking about having seen an Indian film. Coach misunderstands "Indian" and starts talking about Fort Apache, then Carla and Sam join in and the conversation wanders to making the hair stand up on your arms and making your eyeballs vibrate, and when Coach wanders back to Fort Apache, Diane screams in frustration.
- Stereotypical Nerd: Marshall is a nerd straight out of central casting, with the slicked-back hair and the impossibly thick, large Nerd Glasses, the nasal voice, and the technobabble talk as a computer scientist from the renowned MIT. He's pretty comfortable in his own skin however and good friends with everyone else at the bar.
