Animal Pragmatism
A professor lectures in a biology class on mating rituals. Behind Phoebe, three girls—Andrea, Tessa and Brooke—are reading a book entitled Bewitched. It's a book of supposed love spells. Phoebe "corrects" one of the spells, and claims to be doing a paper on the growing popularity of witchcraft. She hands them a flyer for a Valentine's Day party at P3. Phoebe asks a guy, Ethan, to come with her to P3.
The three girls have brought together a snake, a rabbit and a pig within a circled pentagram in their dorm room, and say the spell from the book. Nothing happens, but Andrea has recorded Phoebe's voice. She plays back Phoebe's version of the spell, and the three animals turn into hot, naked men.
Prue is adjusting to her new unemployment, she vows to do absolutely nothing. Dan wants to have dinner with Piper on Valentine's Day, which would conflict with her party at P3.
The Pig has eaten everything in the refrigerator and is still hungry. The Rabbit has just had sex with Andrea. The Snake tells his pals that they shouldn't act like animals anymore. The three animal-men step out into the hall, to funny, lecherous and snickering looks from everyone else as they are still naked. They steal a laundry basket from Ethan and dress themselves.
At P3, Leo offers Piper a small pile of flowers; he has no money or ID, but wants to give Piper what he can. He is working (and sleeping) at P3, and Piper is paying him under the table in cash. Dan appears with a huge bouquet. Dan is still jealous that Piper called Leo's name and not his when she was healed ("Awakened"), and she seems "different" when Leo is around.
Prue, bored, tries to telekinetically move a flowerpot on a mantle, but can't get it centered right. Phoebe calls; Brooke, Andrea and Tessa didn't show up for section and she's wondering if they called. While they're talking, the Pig trashes a hot dog stand. Phoebe spots the Rabbit getting aggressive with a woman and abruptly hangs up. Phoebe collars the Rabbit and gets a premonition of him biting the woman's neck. Phoebe knocks the Rabbit's legs out from under him. He gets up and runs away, and Phoebe chases him. To her surprise, the Rabbit leaps over a high wall and goes into the trees.
Prue is done doing "nothing," and heads to P3. Piper is wrapping a present for Dan—an architecture book. Prue thinks Piper ought to buy something for Leo as well. Phoebe arrives and mentions her premonition. Piper isn't happy; she didn't want a magical emergency on Valentine's Day.
Tessa is getting cold feet about the spell. Re-entering their room, they find the animal-men. The animal-men have found the spell and have decided that they want to stay human. The spell is already starting to wear off; the Rabbit's hands are starting to turn into paws. They menace the three girls and Brooke shows them the flyer for P3. Andrea has the class roster and knows where Phoebe lives. The Snake sees that Tessa is a possible problem and grabs hold of her.
Phoebe and Piper look for cards. They tease each other as they read several cards. Phoebe spots the Bewitched book and realizes that the three girls in her class have possibly cast her spell. She leaves, looking for Prue, as Piper checks out a few more cards. In the next aisle, Leo is also looking for a card.
Piper enters P3, which is not yet open, and finds no one; but she does find a path marked by rose petals. It leads to a curtained booth where Dan is waiting. He has bought a bottle of "Piper Red Label" wine. Piper tries to hide the card she is carrying, but Dan spots it. Piper hands the card over, and it says, "To a dear friend on Valentine's Day". Dan suspects that the card is for Leo. Dan feels quite jealous, and Piper decides she'd rather work.
The Rabbit breaks the door at the manor. Andrea and Brooke want to leave; on the way to the manor the animal-men beat up a pedestrian and played chicken through traffic. The Snake is starting to molt and the Pig's hands are turning into hooves. Andrea and Brooke now realize they're in over their heads. The Snake bites Andrea and Brooke. This makes Pig Man feels squeamish, and the Snake and the Rabbit grab him and snap his neck. They have four hours before they turn into animals again—which is also how long Andrea and Brooke have to live.
Phoebe and Prue go to the three girls' room, where they briefly meet Ethan. They hear a scream from a closet, and inside they find Tessa bound, gagged, and in a small cage. Tessa tells the two sisters what she and her friends had done. Phoebe looks for some hydrogen peroxide for Tessa's wounds; she opens a cupboard, and the Pig's corpse falls out; his nose has turned into a snout. Tessa tells the sisters that the others want to stay human and are looking for Phoebe at P3.
The animal-men kill a guy and steal his car. They dump Brooke and Andrea into the trunk and drive off.
At P3, Piper is talking with Prue and Phoebe about the animal-men on the phone. Ethan looks for Phoebe, who has not arrived. Leo offers to help, but Piper doesn't want Leo to risk getting hurt. Dan arrives and Piper tells him she's "running late." The animal-men arrive looking for Phoebe. Prue, Phoebe and Tessa show up minutes later; Prue and Phoebe ask Leo to watch Tessa. The three sisters move into the curtained booth to cast a spell to turn the animal-men back into animals. Darryl appears and tells them of a string of violent crimes from the campus to P3. Tessa says Andrea and Brooke aren't around, and then she spots the animal-men. Darryl tries to confront the two, but Prue astral-projects and urges him not to. Just in time, Phoebe completes the spell and casts it. Prue returns to her body; she realizes they have to keep the animal-men human until they can find Andrea and Brooke. Phoebe discovers she has turned everyone into animals.
The sisters find the Snake and the Rabbit back in animal form and load them into crates. Piper freezes the room and leaves the room with Prue, each carrying a crate, while Phoebe tries to reverse the spell. Piper and Prue find the stolen car with Brooke and Andrea inside. Phoebe reverses the spell, but unfortunately the Snake and the Rabbit are now permanently human. They attack the two sisters, and Piper freezes them while the police arrive. The two debate whether or not to kill them, but decide to let them be human and face human consequences: they go to jail for their crimes.Phoebe spends the rest of the evening with Ethan, and he finds a feather in her hair.
Piper gets ready to head out with Dan when finds a card from Leo in her purse. She dreams about running out to kiss him, then heads for the door.
Tropes:
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Snake and Rabbit do end up becoming human for good... only to immediately get hauled off to prison.
- Big Eater: The Pig, naturally.
- Didn't Think This Through: Applies to both Phoebe in the beginning of the episode (see Nice Job Breaking It, Hero below) and two of the animals in the end (see Be Careful What You Wish For above).
- Distracted by the Sexy: Barely averted. When Prue and Phoebe visit the dorms, Prue is momentarily distracted by a man in a towel and Phoebe nearly runs off with her date for that night.
- Easy Amnesia: It seems no one at P3 remembers being turned into animals or that anything happened at all.
- Gone Horribly Right: Phoebe's counter-spell does, indeed, turn the Snake and Rabbit back into animals, along with everyone else at P3 except the sisters.
- Humanity Ensues: Temporarily at first, then permanently at the end.
- Imagine Spot: After reading his Valentine card, Piper walks up to Leo and the two kiss. It then cuts to Piper standing where she was and she just leaves.
- In a Single Bound: Rabbit jumps what appears to be a 10-foot wall despite being human.
- Innocent Fanservice Guys: The animal-men walk into the dorm hallways completely naked, drawing a lot of attention. They eventually figure out the problem when someone tells them to "cover up" and they steal some clothes.
- Magic Pants: When the animals at P3 are turned back into humans everyone is wearing the clothes they had on before.
- Mix-and-Match Critter: Most snakes either use a venomous bite or squeeze their prey to death, depending on the species of snake, yet Snake does both.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Phoebe correcting a spell in a commercial spell book is what kicks off the plot. In her defense, she didn't think the girls would be able to cast it, she didn't know she was being recorded, and she probably didn't think a recording of her speaking a spell would be enough for it to work.
- Playing Against Type: Rabbits, especially domesticated ones, aren't known for being particularly aggressive. However, the Rabbit is just as violent as the Snake.
- Snakes Are Sinister: The Snake is the most scheming and evil of the three guys.
- Token Good Teammate: The Pig wants to remain human, but he doesn't want to hurt anybody, either.
- Unexpectedly Real Magic: The episode had three lonely depressed college girls attempting to perform a spell on three animals that turns them into attractive men. To their surprise, the spell works, but only after playing a recording of a modified version by Phoebe, an actual witch.
