"Let's see a good, clean, presidential fight to the death. No low blows. No negative campaigning. No pardons. I want you...to get it on!"
—Mills Lane
The tenth episode of the second season of Celebrity Deathmatch, also known as 4th Of July Celebration.
This episode consists of three pre-determined fights. The first undercard fight features lawyer Kenneth Starr taking on the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton in a fight for public approval. The second undercard fight sees the all-American Dawson's Creek star James Van Der Beek taking on the 5th President of Iraq, Saddam Hussein. The main event of the night features a presidential brawl, courtesy of the Deathmatch time machine, between founding father George Washington and 16th president Abraham Lincoln.
This episode contains examples of:
- The Alcoholic: Roosevelt is obsessed with brandy and is rarely seen without carrying a flask full.
- An Arm and a Leg:
- After Starr is restrained by audience members holding his arms, Clinton launches himself out of the ring and straight into a dropkick to Starr's chest, dismembering both of his arms.
- Washington dismembers Lincoln by chopping off one of his legs with an axe.
- Also, in the same fight, Washington throws his axe at Lincoln, only to miss and knock off the arm of a scaled model of the Statue of Liberty.
- Arrested for Heroism: James manages to kill Saddam, a man considered to be a national threat...and is promptly placed in handcuffs by Mills Lane for having desecrating the American flag in the process.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Clinton lands the first blow against Starr by slapping him; once for ruining his presidency, once for ruining his marriage, and once for ruining his chances of "hiring cute interns".
- Attack Backfire: See Fatal Fireworks below.
- Bludgeoned to Death: James manages to wrap Saddam in the American flag while he is distracted with Clinton's corpse, and beats him to death with the flagpole.
- The Cameo: This episode features appearances from Hillary Rodham Clinton, Richard Nixon, and Theodore Roosevelt.
- Chest of Medals: Both the veterans and Johnny are shown wearing their uniforms, each having their own medals pinned on.
- Cool Old Guy: The guest veterans. While they are all frail, and one of them in a wheelchair, they don't take kindly to having their belongings stolen, and have no qualms about beating Nick senseless after he's caught with their war memorabilia.
- David Versus Goliath: It seems ill-fitting for a young actor with no combat experience to want to engage in a fight to the death against someone with experience in armed warfare, but that doesn't stop James from taking on Saddam.
- Et Tu, Brute?: As Starr puts the pressure on Clinton to confess to every single thing he did with Monica Lewinsky, right down to explicit detail, Hillary is shown in the audience cheering for Starr before realizing that the camera is on her.
- Explosive Cigar: Clinton manages to shove one in Starr's mouth before lighting it.
- Extended Disarming: Mills Lane tells Saddam that he must submit to a weapon search before calling the fight. Saddam, of course, refuses.
- Fatal Fireworks: In honor of the theme of the episode, a fireworks display had been prepared to close out the show. However, Lincoln decides to light them in a last-ditch effort to try and win the fight. Not only does he succeed in blowing up Washington, he also decapitates both Roosevelt and himself in the aftermath.
- Handicapped Badass: One of the veterans interviewed by Johnny and Nick, who is shown attacking Nick after he steals their war memorabilia, is in a wheelchair.
- Head Crushing: Clinton manages to throw Starr, head-first, into the newly restored Liberty Bell.
- Head Turned Backwards: Saddam pins James to the floor and twists his head around several times. James kicks him off and allows his neck to unwind itself back to normal.
- Heal It with Booze: After Lincoln loses a leg, Roosevelt attempts to sterilize the wound by pouring brandy on it.
- Last Ditch Move: Lincoln lighting the fireworks display in an attempt to take down Washington.
- Minor Injury Overreaction: After slipping on a pool of blood, Mills demands that Washington and Lincoln return to their corners while the ring is mopped. Nixon is outraged at the interruption, however Mills then claims that he almost killed himself.
- Missile Lock-On: Saddam launches a missile right into James' face. It does nothing but crumple upon impact.
- Money Mauling: Quite early on in the fight, Washington pelts Lincoln with a barrage of dollar coins.
- Monument of Humiliation and Defeat: Nixon's decapitated head is kicked into the rafters above the ring and lands on a piece of rock. Washington's head is shortly sent hurdling in to the air following his explosive defeat and lands next to Nixon's head. After Roosevelt and Lincoln are then both decapitated by stray fireworks, their heads both land on the same rock, thus recreating an almost identical replica of Mount Rushmore.
- Off with His Head!:
- After he is caught wire-tapping in order to eavesdrop on Roosevelt and Lincoln, Nixon is swiftly decapitated by Roosevelt's cane.
- Later, both Roosevelt and Lincoln are decapitated by stray fireworks.
- Oil Slick: Saddam spills an entire barrel of oil into the ring, resulting in a Slippery Skid when James steps in it.
- Old Soldier: At the beginning and end of the episode, Johnny and Nick chat to a group of senior veterans at ringside.
- Slippery Skid:
- James slips on an Oil Slick created by Saddam.
- After Washington chops off Lincoln's leg, Mills slips on the pool of blood that forms, and sends the fighters back to their corner while he cleans up the mess.
- Spectator Casualty: After the audience expresses their undying loyalty and preference to Clinton, even after confessing to having an affair, Starr goes berserk and starts attacking random audience members.
- Spit Take: After extinguishing his wooden teeth in a bucket of water, Washington spits hot ash into Lincoln's eyes, blinding him.
- Supporting Harem: A group of young women are sat in the front row, cheering for Clinton. Clinton responds in kind by openly flirting with them...in front of his wife, no less.
- Tampering with Food and Drink: Saddam tries to appease James by offering him hamburgers. However, it's soon discovered that the burgers have been tainted with BSE (aka "mad cow disease").
- Too Dumb to Live: This doesn't stop Clinton from interrupting the fight to eat one of the burgers and swiftly dying.
- The Tooth Hurts: Lincoln manages to set Washington's wooden dentures on fire using the flame of the torch from the Statue of Liberty's dismembered arm.
- Throw the Book at Them: Starr manages to subdue Clinton by unloading an entire truck-full of books, copies of the Starr Report, on top of him.
- Trouser Space: Saddam pulls out an assault rifle from his pants, as well as a plate full of hamburgers.
- Universally Beloved Leader: Starr manages to beat a confession out of Clinton about having an affair with Monica Lewinsky...much to the delight of the Deathmatch audience.
- Weapon Specialization: Nixon gives Washington a hatchet to use during the fight.
- 0% Approval Rating: The first fight features a scoreboard that shows the approval ratings of each fighter. Starr's approval rating wasn't high to begin with, and no matter how hard he tries to convince the Deathmatch audience how awful Clinton is, Starr's approval drops to zero by the end of the fight.
