The burglar episode. Richie is enjoying a quiet night in when Eddie comes home drunk — Richie had given him some money to get fish and chips but he used it to get drunk instead. Eager for more, Eddie goes to the cupboard and swigs a bottle of bleach, which renders him unconscious. Richie drags him upstairs and into bed when he hears noises downstairs — the flat is being burgled.
Eddie and Richie catch one of them and discover his stash of gold and silver items. The two plan to sell it all and leave to the Bahamas, but they can't leave the burglar. Eddie suggests killing him and goes to the roof to get some pigeon poison.
The police come to investigate a burglary call and decide to call it off, thinking it was a party. To stop the police finding him, Eddie sellotaped the burglar to the ceiling, but they can't get him down. Another burglar arrives and knocks the two out. They wake up to find everything gone ... including their clothes.
Tropes
- The Alcoholic: Eddie comes home drunk, and passes out after necking a bottle of bleach. Richie points out that he's only ever been drunk once; the problem is, that's lasted for 17 years.
- Bawdy Song: Richie sings this version of The Sailor's Hornpipe
:Do your balls hang low?
Can you swing 'em to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Do you get a funny feeling when they're hanging from the ceiling?
Oh you'll never be a sailor if your balls hang low! - Bound and Gagged: Richie and Eddie tie one of the burglars to a chair with sellotape and tape-gag him.
- Bring Me My Brown Pants: When they realise they're being burgled.Richie: What should we do?Eddie: Shit our pants?Richie: I've done that.
- Comically Missing the Point: Eddie has a couple.Eddie: Out of the way, punk. I'll shoot the lock.Richie: Eddie, do you want to be skinned alive and buggered?Eddie: [points gun at Richie] I'd like to see you try!Richie: Not me, I'm talking about the burglars! They'll hear the gun.
- When 'questioning' the burglar.
Eddie: Did you see Emmerdale Farm last night?Richie: Eddie, a word. It's the wrong question.Eddie: Do you think he's more of a Brookside man? - Drunk with Power: The two catch a burglar in their flat, who they sit on, tie to chair with Sellotape and try to poison. It completely backfires.
- Groin Attack: Richie 's solution to getting the burglar off the ceiling after the police leave is to whack him in the nadgers with a broom. Later, the burglars leave Richie and Eddie's nadgers in a pair of mousetraps with a note bearing the name "Sue Carpenter". The mere mention of that name is enough to arouse the hapless duo enough to trigger the mousetraps.
- Never My Fault: Eddie went out and got drunk instead of buying fish suppers. He blames the town planner for putting the pub next door to the fish and chip shop.
- Non Sequitur, *Thud*: Eddie knocks back some bleach.Eddie: Ah, that's the stuff. Taxi! The Copacabana! [passes out]
- Nose Shove: Richie sticks an entire pencil up Eddie's nose. It stays up there for the rest of the episode.
- Police Are Useless: They fail to spot one burglar sellotaped to the ceiling, and another one on the window-ledge.
- Police Brutality: One of the coppers gives Richie a whack on the head with his truncheon before leaving.
- Vomit Indiscretion Shot: After being force-fed three cups of tea (one of which was poisoned), the burglar pukes up.
- Wire Dilemma: A variant, when they decide to poison the burglar by giving him a mug of poisoned tea.Richie: Which mug has the poison in?
Eddie: The yellow one!
Richie: They're all yellow!
