Tracey: Anyway, why you got the 'ump? That Maxie do a whoopsie on your trainers again?
Sharon: I hate that rotten animal. S'not a dog, it's a... toupee on legs!
— Sharon Theodopolopodous complaining about her dog-walking job to Tracey Stubbs.
- Date First Aired: 06/12/1990
Both girls have decided to start earning more money for Christmas, with Sharon taking up dog-walking to earn some cash and Tracey deciding to put her old typing machine to good use and type from home. Although Tracey doesn't manage to do well with her business, she does manage to get one customer - Dorien, who has taken up writing and thinking of sending a book to her publisher.
Tracey soon proves to be terrible at typewriting, so Dorien suggests that she gets taught word processing with the help of Teen Genius Adrian Gold. Unfortunately, he learns about Sharon's business in pet-sitting. And seeing as he's doing business in pet-sitting, he immediately begins to slander Sharon's business, claiming that she has misplaced a kitten under her care. With this in mind, Sharon decides to fight dirty, stealing one of his animals, a tortoise, under care and using it as a bargaining chip. Just as things come to a head though, Tracey loses her copy of Dorien's novel, so Sharon is forced to agree to a friendly takeover of her business so that he can help Tracey. Afterward, Sharon reveals a surprising truth about Dorien's novel - it has been plagiarised from The French Lieutenant's Woman. Dorien fesses up to it but admits she only did it so that the others would believe that she actually had talent in something. That said, she does get the idea of writing a book based on her sexual exploits from the girls...
Tropes in this episode:
- And I'm the Queen of Sheba: Sharon talking about Adrian.Sharon: D'you 'ere that Dor? If that's an innocent thirteen-year-old, I'm... Tina Turner!
- Ask a Stupid Question...: This occurs when Sharon reveals that she's in possession of a tortoise to Tracey.Tracey: Bloody Hell! Where did you get that?Sharon: McDonald's. It's their new recipe, crunchy meat pie Trace.
- Ass Shove: Tracey threatens to do this to Dorien with the typewriter if she says anything.
- Auto Erotica: Sharon makes a joke about Adrian being a quickie in the back of a Cortina.
- Blackmail: Sharon steals one of the animals that Adrian was caring for and refuses to give it back until he resolves their differences.
- Blatant Lies: When Sharon reveals a tortoise, Tracey asks her where she got it from, only to hear in response that it's a new menu item at McDonald's.
- Book Dumb: In her childhood, Tracey would do her math homework for ten minutes, then get angry and start throwing things.
- Bratty Half-Pint: Adrian is condescending to Tracey when she struggles with computers.
- Brief Accent Imitation: Sharon picks up a gangster voice when threatening Cuddles' life.
- Continuity Nod: Tracey brings up Aromatique again and says that her new typing business is an improvement over it.
- Curse Cut Short: Dorien cuts Tracey off when she starts raging at her.Tracey: You say one word, Dorien Green, an' I'll shove this typewriter right up your-Dorien: I'll ignore that because I can see you're under stress.
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Tracey threatens to tell a pervert over the telephone line what she would like to do, but not before they grab a pair of very sharp gardening shears.
- Deadpan Snarker:
- Tracey talking about Sharon's dogwalking business.Sharon: Chigwell is full of fatcats who want their fat cats fed and their dogs walked. I could clean up 'round here.Tracey: So long as you got a pooper scooper.
- Sharon talking about Dorien's work from home.Dorien: And I work from home.Sharon: What, testing the springs of your four-poster?
- Tracey talking about Sharon's dogwalking business.
- Dog Food Diet: Sharon mentions she nearly ate one of Maxie's treats.
- Groin Attack:
- Tracey threatens a pervert talking about his penis over the phone with some very sharp gardening shears.
- Maxie the dog tried to have his end with Great Dane, so she responded by taking off his end.
- Innocent Innuendo: Tracey's typing advert.Sharon: Well your ad didn' exactly 'elp, did it? "Clogged up at work? Let nimble fingered Tracey ease the flow".
- Intimate Telecommunications: Thanks to Tracey's Innocent Innuendo ad, a pervert calls her up, apparently under the belief that she's running a sexual telephone line. Sharon suggests that she just becomes that for real.
- Invented Individual: Adrian makes up a kitten that Sharon was allegedly looking after called Kylie so that he can claim that she lost it and is therefore a bad animal-sitter.
- New Job Episode: Sharon takes up a job as an animal sitter, although her business is taken over by Adrian by the episode's end.
- Noodle Incident: Sharon gave Tracey the Sindy doll she never let her play with as a child on her 21st birthday.
- One-Shot Character: Maxie the dog, Adrian Gold, and Cuddles the tortoise.
- Plagiarism in Fiction: Dorien rips off The French Lieutenant's Woman in her manuscript.
- Pun-Based Title: The title is a play on the phrase "jobs for the boys".
- Road Apples:
- The dogs Sharon has to walk crap everywhere.
- Tracey warns Sharon to get Cuddles off her worktop before he craps on it.
- Shout-Out:
- Sharon calls Dorien the woman who taught Cynthia Payne the birds and the bees.
- Dorien mentions Dungeons & Dragons.
- Sharon calls Adrian "J.R. Junior".
- Sharon mentions Tina Turner.
- Tracey uses officer and a gentleman as an expression.
- Dorien's manuscript is a blatant ripoff of The French Lieutenant's Woman.
- Sharon mentions Jane Seymour (Actress).
- Story Arc: At the end of the episode, Dorien is given the idea of writing her book based on her sexual experiences, which becomes a recurring plot point for the rest of the original series before she achieves success by the time of the Revival.
- Take That!:
- Tracey makes a joke about Bruce Forsyth needing a toupee.
- Tracey used to listen to The Rubettes in her youth, but Sharon though they were tasteless.
- Dorien blames Delia Smith for Marcus trying to cook.
- Dorien thinks her asking Tracey to type her novel is like asking Oliver Reed to manage a branch of Oddbins.
- Sharon worries that she's turning into Rupert Murdoch.
- Sharon wants to watch Prisoner: Cell Block H, but Tracey dismisses it as a load of old cods.
- Both Dorien's manuscript and Sharon's shopping list are considered better than anything by Jeffrey Archer.
- Sharon sarcastically states Cuddles the tortoise is the new crunchy meat pie from McDonald's.
- Adrian tells Sharon she looks like Cyril Smith.
- Dorien didn't think Tracey and Sharon read anything other than Tidbits.
- Sharon calls Dorien the woman who has done things Jackie Collins can only dream of.
- Teens Are Monsters: Sharon certainly thinks that 13-year-old Adrian is one for trying to get her petsitting business out of business.
- Teen Genius: Adrian is a 13-year-old who is skilled with computers and gives financial advice.
- Teeny Weenie: A pervert rings up Tracey and tells her his penis size, so she snaps back that she's seen bigger in a gherkin factory.
- Tell Him I'm Not Speaking to Him: Sharon and Adrian refuse to talk to each other and tell Dorien to relay their messages, despite all three being in the same room.
- While You Were in Diapers: Sharon mentions she was out grafting while Adrian was still a quickie in the back of a Cortina.
