Henry Gordon Jago and his friend, Professor George Litefoot, meet up for some mugs of ale to discuss the events of the past eve. Working at his pathological laboratory one night, Professor Litefoot was greeted by some constables who brought in a body of a man. Upon closer inspection, however, Litefoot discovered that the body was actually made of wood, very carefully and artistically crafted into looking like a human body, and it was even made to move like one too. The facsimile's eyes were made of an eerie glass, and its clothes fit so well that either it was made for them, or they were made for it. An odd Dutchman, a Mr Tulp, had come to visit him to reclaim the mannequin. Professor Litefoot had refused to trust him and summoned, by telegram, his old friend Henry Gordon Jago, whose experience in the world of art and theatre might provide some insight into the situation.
Jago, down on his luck in regards to work and money, was quite overjoyed to be contacted by his — rather rich — friend after a long period without communication. He agreed to investigate the warehouses and look for anything odd. Soon enough, he had snuck into one. (Well, lockpicked one. Well, smashed his way in with a brick.) Inside was a quaint contraption of electronic coils and wires, not unlike Professor Faraday's most recent inventions shown at the Great Exhibition. After accidentally disturbing the wires, Jago was met by a living, moving automaton... made of wood, and is knocked unconscious by him.
Professor Litefoot's wooden man, meanwhile, had also begun to move, getting up from the pathologist's slab and staggering off. Following his charge to the warehouse district, Professor Litefoot had overheard the wooden man and its friends talking of their plight. They were criminals, murderers who had been promised eternal life by the Dutchman. Their flesh bodies had been dead and buried for weeks. The mahogany man, who had ended up on Professor Litefoot's slab, had temporarily lost coordination and fallen off of a bridge, and had quite suddenly found himself in his coffin, clawing at the lid with rotting hands. Jago's disturbance of the electronic contraptions had restored the man back to his wooden body. Jago, now captured, was threatened by the assorted criminals, until Professor Litefoot (catching fragments of the conversation while hiding in the shadows) was forced to run away when the warehouse was set ablaze. Both men managed to escape from the fire (Jago's only jacket quite singed), and the wooden facsimile bodies were destroyed, presumably sending the criminals back to their coffins and to a Fate Worse than Death. Mr Tulp, their mysterious saviour, was nowhere to be found.
Tropes:
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: Litefoot's impression of a Dutch accent sounds German at best (and like a throatache at worst). Justified in-story, as Jago calls out his impression, noting that Litefoot is not a very convincing actor.
- Backdoor Pilot: The interview in the CD extras had the cast and crew discussion the possibility of a sequel. They would end up getting their own insanely successful spinoff series.
- Bad "Bad Acting": Litefoot is really not good at acting. Jago quickly tells him to stop trying to do voices and leave the ham to him.
- The Bus Came Back: Plenty of classic characters have returned for Big Finish, but Jago and Litefoot have to set some kind of record for most minor characters to return after most outrageously Long Bus Trip have the most success.
- Breakout Character: Both of them.
- Gothic Horror
- Large Ham: Jago
- Meaningful Name: "Tulp" is Dutch for "tulip".
- Quintessential British Gentleman: Jago and Litefoot (but definitely not the other characters in the story).
- Sequel Hook: And boy, did they get their fair share of sequels.
- Shout-Out: A whole lot of references to The Threepenny Opera.
- Steampunk
- Uncanny Valley: In-Universe. Litefoot notes there is something rather off about Mr Tulp, describing his perfect baldness, missing eyebrows, extremely round head, and Scary Shiny Glasses which obscures his eyes.
- Uncle Pennybags: Jago's sense of honour would never permit him to beg for money, but Litefoot agrees to anything Jago politely (or less politely) requests and eventually becomes a patron of the arts (well, alright, patron of the burlesque stage shows) for his friend.
