Title: The Child Stealers
Directed by: Noam Pitlik
Written by: Frank Dungan and Jeff Stein
Air Date: January 24, 1980
Previous: Vanished: Part 2
Next: Guns
Guest Starring: Richard Libertini, Ray Stewart, Jack De Leon, Dino Natali, Joanna Miles
"The Child Stealers" is the 15th episode of the sixth season of Barney Miller.
Everybody's favorite gay couple, Marty and Darryl, return to the 12th Precinct. This time, however, it's not a matter of one of them (usually Marty) being in trouble. Darryl Driscoll, as it turns out, was once married, and has a son named Jason. His ex-wife is refusing to honor the terms of their divorce agreement (Jason comes over every other weekend and for a month in the summer) and is threatening to take Jason away for an extended period. Darryl asks Capt. Miller for help, but Barney rather shamefacedly tells him that enforcing custody agreements is not a matter for law enforcement.
The second wacky case involves a suicide jumper, one Mr. Boyer, who was reported on top of the Washington Arch. Mr. Boyer, when he's brought in, cheerfully explains that he wasn't trying to commit suicide at all. He "materialized" atop the arch by accident, having time traveled from the year 2037. Mr. Boyer claims to be a historian who is doing research on the late 1900s.
In personal news, Sgt. Harris is being more obnoxious than usual about the money rolling in from his sales of "Blood on the Badge", wondering if he should buy gold with his royalties as a hedge against inflation. With Officer Levitt working in plainclothes again, Officer Zatelli comes up to deliver the mail, and is recognized by Marty. Barney, who knows that Zatelli is gay after Zatelli came out to him personally in Season 6 premiere "Inquisition", urges Zatelli to come out on his own terms before someone else does it for him.
Tropes:
- Casual Time Travel: Mr. Boyer can zip 57 years in the past like it's no big deal.
- Coming-Out Story: Officer Zatelli's sexuality, previously mentioned in Season 6 premiere "Inquisition" when he came out to Captain Miller, is revealed to the whole office when he blurts out "I'm gay!" when Mrs. Driscoll starts making nasty homophobic comments.
- Continuity Nod
- Another appearance of Marty and Darryl, familiar to the 12th Precinct and the audience.
- The "Blood on the Badge" arc referenced again, as Harris wonders where to park his money.
- The Officer Zatelli Coming-Out Story referenced in "Inquisition" is mentioned again, as Zatelli winds up coming out to the whole squad room.
- Expy: A time traveler with the long striped scarf and bug-eyed, toothy grin visits the 12th Precinct.
- Failed Future Forecast: Mr. Boyer claims to be born in 1993 as a product of "the post-war baby boom", that lawyers were outlawed in 1998 in favor of realtors, and that there was a massive gold strike in 1981 that caused the price to plummet to $35/ounce, causing a global economic collapse and its ultimate replacement by zinc. There was also an Overpopulation Crisis that in of itself led to advances for homosexuals.
- Field Trip to the Past: Mr. Boyer the "cultural historian" travels back to 1980 to learn about the past.
- Masculine–Feminine Gay Couple: Marty is very Camp Gay while Darryl is basically Straight Gay. In previous appearances Darryl veered more to camp as well, but he's much straighter in manner in this episode, possibly In-Universe as he's trying to get visitation with his son, or maybe because the story requires him to once have had a wife.
- Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: Mr. Boyer, a time-traveler from the future who identifies himself as such because he's sure nobody will believe him, convinces Harris to invest in zinc, apparently recognizes the Arthur Dietrich, and vanishes after leaving.
- Running Gag Stumbles: Barney is startled when Harris refers to Bellevue mental hospital simply as "Bellevue", rather than one of his endless Unusual Euphemisms, which were a Running Gag throughout the series.Barney: Usually you use a more colorful term, like "the Enchanted Kingdom."
- Stop Being Stereotypical: Marty's Camp Gay manner, and specifically his catty comment about how he loves what the detectives have done decorating the squad room, leads an irritated Darryl to say "Could we please stop perpetuating the stereotype for a moment and get on with this?".
- Take That!: Marty reports that Mrs. Driscoll is taking Jason to Detroit.Marty: Talk about child abuse.
- Time Travel Episode: One of the two wacky cases is that of a time traveler, who has come from 2037 to 1980 to learn about the late 20th century.
- Waiting for a Break: Dietrich isn't really waiting for one, but according to Mr. Boyer, who's so convincing as a time-traveler from 2037 that the detectives halfway believe him, he eventually gets one anyway. Mr. Boyer's reaction to learning who Dietrich is—calling him "sir", asking to shake his hand—strongly implies he's a household name in the future.Dietrich (as everyone else stares at him following this revelation): I couldn't have done it without you guys.
