Title: Asylum
Directed by: Danny Arnold and Alex Marsh
Written by: Roland Kibbee (story), Roland Kibbee, Tony Sheehan, Reinhold Weege, and Danny Arnold (teleplay)
Air Date: February 24, 1977
Previous: Moonlighting
Next: Group Home
Guest Starring: Jack De Leon, David Clennon, Michael Panaieff, Ion Teodorescu
"Asylum" is the 19th episode of the third season of Barney Miller.
Wojo brings in two people who are angrily yelling at each other in Russian. It turns out that the one, Andrei Bulganov, is a Soviet embassy official that was trying to stop the other, Fioder Jilinsky, from defecting. Wojo saw the former attempting to force the latter into a car, whereupon he arrested Bulganov for kidnapping and, on his own authority, gave political asylum to Jilinsky.
Bulganov is quickly let out of the cage once Barney confirms that he holds a valid diplomatic passport. Matters then turn to the fate of Mr. Jilinsky. Bulganov insists that the cops turn Jilinsky over to him and Wojo angrily refuses. A Jeffrey Stevens from the State Department (David Clennon) arrives, but he is brand new in his job, has no idea what to do, and is terrified of making a decision.
Meanwhile, everybody's favorite Camp Gay petty criminal, Marty, makes his return. Marty got busted in possession of a plastic bag with a white powder, presumably cocaine. Marty, who has just three weeks left until he clears parole, begs Capt. Miller for mercy, but Barney can only use his discretion if the coke amounts to less than half an ounce. Otherwise his hands are tied.
Tropes:
- Bait-and-Switch: Yemana takes a call asking how much time would have to elapse before the cops will look for a missing husband. Barney asks how long the husband has been missing. Yemana says he's talking to the husband, who's wondering how much of a "head start" he'll get.
- Beleaguered Bureaucrat: Mr. Stevens from the State Department, who arrives at the 12th in a state of panic over the whole incident, both for the international political implications and for his own career. Finally he admits that he was supposed to go to the Department of Agriculture.
- Calling Me a Logarithm: Wojo intervenes to prevent Jininsky from being kidnapped, and is reproved by Stevens:Wojo: I just think somebody ought to tell this guy that people don't get away with kidnapping around this precinct. I don't care what country they're from.
Stevens: You might have taken alternative actions if you had been a bit more perspicacious.
Wojo [pausing]: Oh yeah? - Comically Missing the Point:
- Barney, annoyed that Marty got arrested again when he'd almost cleared probation, says "Very stupid, Marty." Marty, thinking about the homophobic a-hole of a cop who arrested him, says "And ugly, too."
- Dietrich does this on purpose. He asks Yemana if Yemana has ever thought about going to his "homeland", with the shrines and temples and the cherry trees in bloom. Yemana gives him a look of blank contempt and then answers "I was born in Omaha." Dietrich smiles and says, "Funny, we have a city in Nebraska that sounds just like that."
- Curse Cut Short: Two examples:Stevens: I hope you understand that you had no authority to do what you did.
Wojo: The guy was bein' kidnapped! What was I supposed to do, huh!? Stand around with my finger up my-
Barney: Wojo...
(later)
Barney: Mr. Zilinsky, we're doing everything we can to help you!
Stevens: (insistently) Which is nothing! None of us can do anything!
Wojo: You speak for yourself, John!
Stevens: Jeffrey, sir!
Wojo: Oh, who gives a flying-
Barney: WOJO!! - Diplomatic Impunity: Barney releases Mr. Bulganov after confirming that he's actually with the Russian embassy, which means he can't be arrested for kidnapping.
- Funny Foreigner: Both of the Russians but especially Zilinsky. When Wojo says that diplomatic immunity isn't granted for "frivolous reasons", Mr. Zilinsky says "Oh no, I am homosexual."
- Ignoring by Singing: The totally useless Mr. Stevens puts his hands over his ears and starts whooping loudly, rather than hear Barney tell Wojo to escort Mr. Zilinsky to the State Department.
- The McCoy: The hot-headed and not too bright Wojo often made snap decisions that caused problems for Barney. In this episode he 1) arrests a diplomat and 2) decides that as a NYPD detective he has the authority to grant political asylum to a Russian defector.
- Obstructive Bureaucrat: Mr. Stevens says that he has no authority to grant asylum to Mr. Zilinsky and neither does Wojo or Capt. Miller, so he decides to forbid Barney from doing anything at all. Even so much as giving Mr. Zilinsky a ride to the State Department or even telling him the address.
- You Say Tomato: Mr. Stevens says he's just gotten his job with the new administration in Washington. Barney nods and says he thought he detected a bit of an accent (Jimmy Carter being a southerner and staffing his administration with southerners). Stevens then flips it around on Captain Miller.Stevens: We don't have an accent anymore. You do.
