Title: Abduction
Directed by: Bruce Bilson
Written by: Tom Reeder (story), Reinhold Weege, Tony Sheehan, and Tom Reeder (teleplay)
Air Date: February 3, 1977
Previous: Fire '77
Next: Sex Surrogate
Guest Starring: Florence Stanley, Ron Colbin, Vivi Janiss, David Clennon
"Abduction" is the 16th episode of the third season of Barney Miller.
Various detectives in the 12th Precinct have personal stuff going on. Yemana comes into the squad room giddy, offering to buy all his coworkers lunch, because he won a series of bets for total winnings of $116. Harris is also giddy, because he has finally gotten a piece of writing published. His good mood is ruined when he finds out that the magazine that bought his story, a nudie magazine called "Sir Gent", re-edited it into a porn story. Fish for his part is unpleasantly surprised when Bernice strolls into the office, and tells him that she wants to get a job.
An older couple, Mr. and Mrs. Wheaton, come into the precinct and ask for help with their daughter. It seems Barbara Wheaton has joined a cult, the Light of the East Temple, and taken the new name "Praknamurti". Wojo goes to see Barbara at her place of work—the cult runs a health food restaurant—then comes back and tells Barney that Barbara is perfectly fine, she's 22 and able to make her own choices, and it isn't a police matter. Barney tells the Wheatons that the NYPD can't help.
So the Wheatons kidnap their daughter. This gets them arrested, which draws both Barbara and cult leader Bodhisattva (David Clennon) to the 12th Precinct.
Abe Vigoda's spinoff Fish premiered two days after this episode.
Tropes:
- Bad to the Last Drop: Yemana offers the Wheatons some of his legendarily awful coffee. When Mr. Wheaton asks if they have anything stronger, Yemana says "There's nothing stronger. Anywhere."
- Comically Missing the Point: Fish says he has indigestion, which leads Wojo to get nosy and suggest Fish get an enema, which causes Fish to spit back "Get away from me!"
- Cult: The Light of the East Temple, which is goofy, but seems to be essentially benign; Barbara isn't being financially or sexually exploited and her parents are free to see her. In fact, Bodhisattva broadly hints that the whole cult is a way to get cheap labor at his health food restaurant, that he has "a lot of turnover" when people get tired of the spiritual path, and that the odds are good Barbara will eventually come home.
- Executive Meddling: In-universe with the first short story Harris sells to a magazine—a dirty magazine called "Sir Gent" that sleazes it up considerably. (His original story, "John and Marianne," was probably an erotic love story; the magazine added "And Harry and Frank," who turn out to be "Acrobats. Big ones.")
- The Gambling Addict: Nick, thrilled that he won a series of bets on the New Year's bowl games, the Super Bowl, and a hockey game. His good mood is ruined when he finds out his bookie went bust.
- Head-Tiltingly Kinky: Harris stammers with embarrassment when the gang finds out that his story ran in a nudie magazine. He insists that "Sir Gent" is a respectable publication, and in response Barney turns the magazine sideways, to look at the centerfold.Harris. That's what they call a "slick" in the trade.
- I Have No Son!: The unpleasant confrontation in the squad room climaxes with Mr. Wheaton saying "As far as I'm concerned, Barbara Lynn Wheaton no longer exists." At the end however Mrs. Wheaton coaxes him into going to the health food restaurant for lunch, and it's implied that eventually Barbara will come home.
- I Read It for the Articles: Harris claims that "Sir Gent" publishes worthwhile literature. Then he reads the magazine and finds out that they turned his story into a porn story.
- Lame Pun Reaction: The detectives talk about how most kidnap victims are kidnapped by people they know.Yemana: I just thought they picked someone at ransom! [laughs]]
Barney: [glares] You would say something like that to a man who's wearing a gun? - Looks Like Jesus: Bodhisattva. To make matters worse, when he sweeps in in his white robe and red cloak, with his neatly combed long hair and beard, he looks intensely at Fish and says, "I was sent here." Fish looks mildly apprehensive and replies, "For anyone in particular?"Bookie: [in a whisper to Fish] I'll give you seventy-five to one it ain't!
- Prefer Jail to the Protagonist: Yemana's happiness about winning his parlay is ruined when his bookie comes in and asks to be arrested. It turns out that a lot of people hit on that same string of bets, and the bookie is busted and can't pay. (And some of his other clients won't be as nice as Yemana.)
- Roman à Clef: The character of Bodhisattva parodies "Father Yod
", a cult leader who also ran a health food restaurant in Los Angeles. The kidnapping of Barbara (Praknamurti) by her parents reflects the high-profile 1976 case of Madonna Slavin (Kulapriya) of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness, whose parents kidnapped her and attempted to have her deprogrammed (rather harshly, by her account). She was released and returned to her chosen faith. Her parents were charged with kidnapping and false imprisonment, pleaded no contest, and fined $100. - Stay in the Kitchen: Fish forbids Bernice from getting a job. He actually says "I command you." (1977, folks.) The plot thread ends when Bernice comes back from the employment agency and says that she was rejected because she hasn't worked since before World War II and has no skills. Fish hugs her and says he's confident she can get a job if she wants.
- There Was a Door: Wojo comes back to the squad room and says he kicked in the hotel room door where the Wheatons were holding Barbara. Barney isn't bothered by this until an embarrassed Wojo says "I didn't know it was unlocked."
