Quotes / Who Shot JFK?

"First of all, Kennedy was assassinated, which was traumatic enough in itself but was made even worse by the fact that we never did find out for sure what happened, which means that for the rest of our lives we're going to be opening People magazine and reading articles about yet another conspiracy buff claiming to have conclusive proof that Lee Harvey Oswald was actually working for Roy Orbison or the Nabisco Corporation or whatever."

— Dave Barry Slept Here

"How many fucking people does it take to shoot a president?!"

— Harry Coin, Illuminatus!

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Santa Claus shot JFK. Hey, where are those drinks?"

— Cole MacGrath, inFAMOUS

"...And I passed [doing a vodka ad that paid $50,000] up. And I must say it took great courage at the time, 'cause I needed the money. I was writing, and I needed to be free, creatively, you know... I was working on a non-fiction version of The Warren Report."

— Woody Allen, The Vodka Ad

I shouted out, "who killed the Kennedys?"
When after all, it was you and me

— The Rolling Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil"

"Ventura has also written a book, Don’t Start the Revolution Without Me, in which – according to his agent – Ventura reveals “why he left politics and discussing the disastrous war in Iraq, why he sees our two-party system as corrupt, and what Fidel Castro told him about who was really behind the assassination of President Kennedy.” A pity; he almost managed to stagger his way to the finishing line in that blurb."

— Encyclopedia of American Loons on Jesse Ventura

Good lord, don't you people read the ending credits?

JFK
An Oliver Stone film
...
Cinematography by: Robert Richardson
...

— The Internet Oracle solves the riddle

Mason: You tried to make me kill my own president!
Dragovich: "Tried"?

— Call of Duty: Black Ops

Mr. Rate: Whoever took that shots' probably dead now. That's how a conspiracy works. Them boys on the grassy knoll? They were dead within three hours. Buried in the damn desert, in unmarked graves out past Terlingua.

Nick Memphis: And you know this for a fact?

Mr. Rate: Still got the shovel!

— Shooter

Magneto: I didn't kill the president.
Xavier: The bullet curved, Erik.
Magneto: Because I was trying to save him. They took me out before I could.
Xavier: Why would you try and save him?
Magneto: Because he was one of us.

— X-Men: Days of Future Past

Girls with a time machine:

I'm your granddaughter!
Really?

Boys with a time machine:

CIA, president Kennedy dies today.
Yeah, we know.

—A time travel "Yes Chad" meme

"What if nobody shot JFK? His head just did that."

— Various Sources

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