"I apprehended the accused and advised him of his rights. He replied, 'Why don't you ram it up your pimhole, you fusking clothprunker.'"
''This game made me realize that the plot of many Mario games can be enlivened somewhat by assuming that 'cake' is the Mushroom Kingdom word for 'sex'. The Princess invites Mario over for some... 'cake', but Bowser kidnaps her so she can make some... 'cake' for him, instead. (Only now he's five hundred feet tall and emperor of the universe, so she'd better make sure her... 'cake' is spread quite wide."
Laura: And now it's time to play the recurring Batman Odyssey game that I like to call Decipher This Series of Words: "BLAST YOU BOY, you scared the string out of my knees!" ...I just Googled the phrase "scared the string out of my knees," and it appears no one has ever said it outside of this comic, right now. Oh wait, I stand corrected: It was also used one time in Volume 1 when Batman dropped LSD.
David: It is literally not a figure of speech.
David: It is literally not a figure of speech.
—Laura Hudson and David Wolfkin, "The Complete and Utter Insanity of 'Batman: Odyssey'"
"Soon the primal fire began to burn in Lady Hookstraten's body. Her hips twitched and trembled as each...fireball from Oliver's powerful cannon erupted like molten lava into the quivering mouth of her ever-fluttering love purse."
— Steve Martin, The Lonely Guy
"Aw, cupcakes!"
— Murray, Sly 2: Band of Thieves
"MRIFK!"
— Grignr, The Eye of Argon
Birger: Can I say dick in here?... Hello! Is one allowed to dick in here?!
Behind the scenery: No!
Birger: No? Well... Then I say synthesizer instead!
Behind the scenery: No!
Birger: No? Well... Then I say synthesizer instead!
— Birgers unintended joke, in Bakhalt
"Sometimes I ride the goat while swabbing the deck, and that is not a euphemism for anything."
— Sealand, Hetalia: Axis Powers
"This froopin' WHOMPS!"
— T.J. Detweiler, Recess
Finn: I'm gonna go MAN-HANDLE THOSE GUYS' BANANDLES!
Jake: (Beat) What?
Jake: (Beat) What?
— Adventure Time, "Conquest of Cuteness"
(Hugo has just told his father he's in love with Alice.)
Geraldine: So what did he say?
Hugo: Well, I can't tell you what he actually said because, because you're the vicar. But let's say a certain word is represented by another word that, that sounds a little like that word, like, uh... like... "duck," for instance.
(Beat)
Hugo: He asked me what the duck I was playing at. He said he didn't give a flying duck if I ducking loved Alice ducking Tinker, and if I ducking kissed her again, he'd make sure that I was well and truly ducked.
Geraldine: Well, duck me.
Geraldine: So what did he say?
Hugo: Well, I can't tell you what he actually said because, because you're the vicar. But let's say a certain word is represented by another word that, that sounds a little like that word, like, uh... like... "duck," for instance.
(Beat)
Hugo: He asked me what the duck I was playing at. He said he didn't give a flying duck if I ducking loved Alice ducking Tinker, and if I ducking kissed her again, he'd make sure that I was well and truly ducked.
Geraldine: Well, duck me.
— The Vicar of Dibley, "Engagement"
Tsunade: (Consulting Anko on her accidental pregnancy, which she's been insisting is just the flu.) "You don't have to stay sick with the flu."
Anko: "I said not to say it. I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Hiashi doesn't rule you, nor does he make decisions for you."
Anko: "I know that. But it's my flu, and I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Are you going to let him have any say in this flu? Help raise the flu bug or anything?"
Anko: "That's the silliest thing I ever heard. Raise a flu bug? Don't you think you're carrying this a bit far?"
Anko: "I said not to say it. I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Hiashi doesn't rule you, nor does he make decisions for you."
Anko: "I know that. But it's my flu, and I'm …fine."
Tsunade: "Are you going to let him have any say in this flu? Help raise the flu bug or anything?"
Anko: "That's the silliest thing I ever heard. Raise a flu bug? Don't you think you're carrying this a bit far?"
Joel: "Holy crap! You weren't supposed to...count the sheep with her."
Phil: "You call sex 'counting the sheep'?"
Joel: "I call everything that. Including people. Sheep."
Phil: "You call sex 'counting the sheep'?"
Joel: "I call everything that. Including people. Sheep."
"I just got such a thrill out of it because it's always been a fantasy of mine to go camping with two men. So I said it was my Jules et Jim" fantasy".
— Dana Delany quoted in Dana Delany on "Jules et Jim"
Dana Delany on "Jules et Jim"Anything can be charming with the right choice of words.
Woman: Oop! I've had a few too many whiskeys. Time to play mama bird to the toilet!
Shinji:“Do you think we’ll be able to keep it quiet enough in here? The walls are thicker than at home, but not soundproof.”
Asuka:“I’m very well motivated to be quiet right now, Shinji, because I really want this to happen. Now get your ‘Positron Rifle’ into ‘firing position’, quickly.”
Shinji:“You say the most sensual things, liebchen,”
Asuka:“Shut up and kiss me.”
Asuka:“I’m very well motivated to be quiet right now, Shinji, because I really want this to happen. Now get your ‘Positron Rifle’ into ‘firing position’, quickly.”
Shinji:“You say the most sensual things, liebchen,”
Asuka:“Shut up and kiss me.”
"After some silent voting, we decided that Davis Mipper was definitely the worst artist, so we drained all of his vein paint and spread it on the wall with our fingers. But I wasn’t satisfied with just that garish red, so we ground up his bones and made it into a really pretty pastel pink."
—Hailey Solomanari, Kakos Industries
Paula: Cookie, I am all for you getting your butterfly smashed.
Rebecca: Listen, nobody is smashing my butterfly.
[jump cut to:]
Rebecca: Do it, Greg, smash my butterfly!
Greg: What?
Rebecca: Listen, nobody is smashing my butterfly.
[jump cut to:]
Rebecca: Do it, Greg, smash my butterfly!
Greg: What?
—"Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?", Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
"When you poured the Bisquick, did you mean to make pancakes?"
—Abraham on how Glenn and Maggie conceived a child, The Walking Dead
Smithy: Do you want that corn on the cob?
Nessa: Is that a euphemism?
Nessa: Is that a euphemism?
Ieyasu: ...Mitsunari, there are things that are and aren't okay to ask. Nobunaga was exploring the hills, trimming hedges, while [female player character's name] took care of any uppity snakes.
Mitsunari: That sounds so dangerous. Why didn't they ask someone else to do it for them?
Mitsunari: That sounds so dangerous. Why didn't they ask someone else to do it for them?
Captain Fancey: It appears he has a curious marking on his...if you'll pardon the expression, Reverend...on his diddler!
Reverend Flasher: His diddler? I don't know what that is.
Captain Fancey: Oh, well perhaps a more familiar word would be... (whispers in ear to sound of accordion)
Reverend Flasher: I fear that won't be of much use to you.
Captain Fancey: Well why not?!
Reverend Flasher: So many folk around here keep poultry, you see.
Captain Fancey: I don't mean that kind of co—! Oh, this is very difficult...
Sgt Strapp: If I may be permitted to speak. You see, what he means Rector is that he's got a birthmark on his..." (whispers in ear to sound of accordion)
Reverend Flasher: Aha! Now I have got it! But I honestly don't think that Jack the woodcutter...
Captain Fancey: Jack the woodcutter?!!
Reverend Flasher: Well he's the only one I know who has a chopper.
''"Holy swearing cuss!"
— Kylie, Fantastic Mr. Fox
"We all know that the alphabet has twenty-six letters (count 'em!). You can mix and match them to make many nouns and verbs. But if you say the wrong one to your mama, it may upset her. So in Bikini Bottom, we have a word that's preferred. We just say, 'Barnacles!': a word that's okay to scream, when you want to let off some steam, and say what you really mean. We just yell, 'Barnacles!' and go on our merry way. 'Barnacles' is the way we say what they say we can't say."
— Spongebob Squarepants, sung by Spongebob himself in the song "Barnacles"
''"We work for a few more hours and then we can go back to our room and count each other's spots."
— Jadzia Dax (an alien with spots), Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Meridian"
Laverne: "A society gentleman would only go out with you for one reason: to have a good time, a few laughs, and a little vo-de-oh-dodo."
Shirley: "I don't vo-de-oh-dodo!"
Laverne: "You vo-de-oh-dodo!"
Shirley: "I don't vo-de-oh-dodo!"
Laverne: "You vo-de-oh!"
Shirley: "Once, and I was going steady for a whole year."
— Laverne & Shirley, "The Society Party"
"His Defiant, with its thrusters, will explode in your wormhole, and he'll rub his trusty spangler wrench on your warp core manifold. His multiphasic torpedo will penetrate your rift, and cause a quantum singularity in your transwarp conduit."
— The Sexy Data Tango
Melena: "Frankly, Frex doesn't expect a child of his to be interested in fun. Fun is counted for overmuch in this world, Nanny. I agree with him on that."
Nanny: "So, your dragon-snaking with Turtle Heart is what — devotional exercises?"
— Wicked
[to Jimmy] I don't mind! Once, when I was seven years old I sat on a banana, and of course that changed my life.
— Hugh Neutron, ''The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius
"Love hole? Is it really that hard to just use the proper words?!"
— Agent Charlotte Webb, The Protectors Of The Plot Continuum, "A Matter of Perspective"
Trixie: We need to talk about sex. When you take your clothes off, do you worry about them looking and seeing that fried chicken and jumping out of the window? Do you worry about them seeing the coq au vin and jumping out the fucking window?
Katya: Last week's boeuf bourguignon.
Trixie: Bend over and peeping that croque monsieur? Or that croque madame?
Katya: Once they get a whiff of that bouillabaisse they're gonna hit the pork and say "no, no".
Trixie: Once they get into that steak frites, sis, once they look up on that pomme de terre they're fucking out of here, bitch. Do you worry about the nudity?
UNHhhh, Disappointment, the hosts getting distracted by describing privates as various items of French cuisine.
, the hosts getting distracted by describing privates as various items of French cuisine.Detective: He wants me to explain police procedure to you, boss.
The Goose: Go ahead. I'd like to hear "piss off" explained in depth.
— Phoenix, "Top Quality Crims"
Maggie: Diddler! You know what a "diddler" is, don't cha?
Sergeant Strapp: A "diddler" is a slang term... [Sergeant Strapp whispers in Captain Fancey's ear as an accordion plays]
Captain Fancey: Hoooo! Flap me sideways! I've never heard it called that before!
"Did the... did the red peony bloom?"
— Ming Lee, Turning Red
"Here; nice and snug, like a ferret in a cardboard tube."
