As a rule, man is a fool.
When it's hot, he wants it cool
When it's cool, he wants it hot
Always wanting what is not
When it's hot, he wants it cool
When it's cool, he wants it hot
Always wanting what is not
—Anonymous proverb
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Live-Action TV
For "fans", they sure do complain a lot.
— Dean Winchester, Supernatural
Frasier: What's the one thing better than an exquisite meal? An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night.
Niles: Quite right. *raises glass* To impossible standards!
Niles: Quite right. *raises glass* To impossible standards!
— Frasier
Music
It doesn't matter what you do
It doesn't matter what you say
There will always be one who wants things the opposite way
It doesn't matter where you go
It doesn't matter who you see
There will always be someone who disagrees
It doesn't matter what you say
There will always be one who wants things the opposite way
It doesn't matter where you go
It doesn't matter who you see
There will always be someone who disagrees
She says, “I know you! You’re an artist, draw a picture of me!”
I say, “I would if I could, but I don’t do sketches from memory.”
“Well,” she says, “I’m right here in front of you, or haven’t you looked?”
I say, “All right, I know, but I don’t have my drawing book.”
She gives me a napkin, she says, “You can do it on that.”
I say, “Yes I could, but I don’t know where my pencil is at.”
She pulls one out from behind her ear
She says, “All right now, go ahead, draw me, I’m standing right here!”
I make a few lines and I show it for her to see
She takes the napkin and throws it back and says, “That don’t look a thing like me!”
I say, “I would if I could, but I don’t do sketches from memory.”
“Well,” she says, “I’m right here in front of you, or haven’t you looked?”
I say, “All right, I know, but I don’t have my drawing book.”
She gives me a napkin, she says, “You can do it on that.”
I say, “Yes I could, but I don’t know where my pencil is at.”
She pulls one out from behind her ear
She says, “All right now, go ahead, draw me, I’m standing right here!”
I make a few lines and I show it for her to see
She takes the napkin and throws it back and says, “That don’t look a thing like me!”
— "Highlands", Bob Dylan
But what would you say
if I walked away?
Would you appreciate?
But then it'd be too late.
Cause I can only take so much
of your ungrateful ways.
Everything is never enough.
if I walked away?
Would you appreciate?
But then it'd be too late.
Cause I can only take so much
of your ungrateful ways.
Everything is never enough.
— "Never Enough", Dream Theater
But it's all right now
I learned my lesson well
See, you can't please everyone
So you gotta please yourself
I learned my lesson well
See, you can't please everyone
So you gotta please yourself
— "Garden Party", Ricky Nelson
The more they get, the more they need,
And every time they get harder and harder to please.
And every time they get harder and harder to please.
— "Give the People What They Want", The Kinks
I want you to change, but don't change
I want you to grow up, but don't age
I want the rage, but don't get too angry
I want the new, but old Shady
I want you to say what they won't say
Just don't go too far, but go cray
I want you to almost lose it, man
They keep movin' the goalpost, don't they?
I want you to grow up, but don't age
I want the rage, but don't get too angry
I want the new, but old Shady
I want you to say what they won't say
Just don't go too far, but go cray
I want you to almost lose it, man
They keep movin' the goalpost, don't they?
— "These Demons", Eminem
Literature
A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?”
So the man put the boy on the donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.”
So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.”
Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours—you and your hulking son?”
The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the Donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the Donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned.
“That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them: “PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.”
So the man put the boy on the donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.”
So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.”
Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours—you and your hulking son?”
The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the Donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the Donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned.
“That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them: “PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.”
—"The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey," Aesop
Theater
It’s a revolution! We’re going to offend somebody!
— John Addams, 1776
Video Games
"Come oooonnnn... More stuff!"
"There's stuff on that I don't like! "
"There's stuff on that I don't like! "
—Arno the Almost Omnivorous, Logical Journey of the Zoombinis
Web Animation
Fans are clingy complaining dipshits who will never ever be grateful for any concession you make. The moment you shut out their shrill, tremulous voices the happier you will be for it. Incidentally, why not buy a Zero Punctuation T-Shirt?
Web Original
I'm not a Seth MacFarlane fanboy. I've always been staunchly pro-Simpsons and anti-Family Guy. I never watch any of MacFarlane's other shows, either. And I'd take a bullet to the dome before watching five minutes of Ted. So I'm not in the tank here when I say that MacFarlane, all things considered, did a perfectly adequate job hosting the Oscars on Sunday night. He took a thankless task and the worst audience in show business and managed to, at the very least, slip in a few subversive wisecracks AND keep his energy level high for four straight, interminable hours. At this point, I don't really know what else you want from an Oscar host. If people aren't bitching about Billy Crystal being too mild, they're bitching about MacFarlane being too harsh on a group of people that DESERVE harshness.
—Drew Magary, Make It Stop
, Make It StopThere is a diabolical twist to Star Wars fandom, you see, that defies comprehension, and yet is the life-blood of all Star Wars fans. It is this: Star Wars fans hate Star Wars. If you run into somebody who tells you they thought the franchise was quite enjoyable, and they very-much liked the originals as well as the prequels, and even own everything on DVD, and a few of the books, these imposters are not Star Wars Fans.
— Andrey Summers, JIVEMagazine
In hindsight, of course, everybody recognizes that Kinda is a classic piece of Doctor Who. And yet in the Doctor Who Monthly poll on Season 19 it ranked dead last — as the absolute worst story of the season.... if you prefer either Time-Flight or Four to Doomsday to Kinda, there's something seriously wrong with you. And unfortunately, apparently the Doctor Who Monthly readers, or at least those that answered the season poll, did.
The usual cautions about the tastes of Doctor Who Magazine readers apply, but what we have to remember is that this was also an era where John Nathan-Turner was overtly courting fandom through the magazine. And here, quite frankly, we see where this becomes really, really toxic. Because by most metrics, even in 1982, it would have been clear that there are really interesting and praiseworthy things going on here and that this is a model story for how to do Doctor Who. Instead, though, the whims of fandom had sway.
The usual cautions about the tastes of Doctor Who Magazine readers apply, but what we have to remember is that this was also an era where John Nathan-Turner was overtly courting fandom through the magazine. And here, quite frankly, we see where this becomes really, really toxic. Because by most metrics, even in 1982, it would have been clear that there are really interesting and praiseworthy things going on here and that this is a model story for how to do Doctor Who. Instead, though, the whims of fandom had sway.
Enterprise took a lot of flak for showing many aliens that weren't in the other series, especially since Enterprise was exploring space closer to Earth than any of the other series. It also used some aliens that appeared in later series when they shouldn't have. The writers just couldn't win.
— h2g2
Street Fighter II was a megahit. It changed video games, revitalized the arcade scene, and pleased just about everybody — excluding, I suppose, fanatical Karate Champ loyalists. Naturally, fans craved more. Capcom took an "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" approach to following it up, releasing Street Fighter II: Champion Edition and then Street Fighter II: Hyper Fighting... But by the time Capcom unveiled Super Street Fighter II Turbo, many fans were turned off. "Just more of the same," they grumbled, and went to place their quarters on the Mortal Kombat and Samurai Shodown cabinets. Capcom took heed and released Street Fighter Alpha. It was a fine game, and a good starting point for a new 2D fighting series, but I don't recall it turning many heads. "Sure, the new graphic style is nice," we said. "But there aren't enough characters, and most of them are just the same people, anyway. It's still too much of the same old, same old. When is Street Fighter III coming out already?" A couple years later, Capcom released III, and nobody even cared. "It's too different," we whined this time. "Who are all these new people? What happened to the old ones? What's with only being able to pick one Super Art? And besides, 2D games are practically antiques at this point. 3D games - now those are the wave of the future!" Recently, when Capcom announced Street Fighter IV would contain most or all of the old cast from Street Fighter II and would be 3D, gamers were already tearing their hair out and wailing that it was definitely going to suck. I would hate to have an audience like us.
— Pat R., "A Series Discovers Its Crack Pipe"
"I CAN'T PLEASE YOU FUCKING MORONS!!!"
— The Amazing Atheist in his BEST SONGS EVER video
video"Mike Scully had a responsibility to take The Simpsons in a new direction. Like, I love the Oakley & Weinstein years, but the show can't stagnate. It has to keep trying new experiments. If he had just copied the goals and styles of the early years, you'd be getting a YouTube essay complaining about how the show played it safe. I think there's something to be said about this laser-focused season 10 that they delivered. That we have this year full of these fun Homer adventures, big character conflicts, irreverent B-plots, and a marathon's worth of running around."
Western Animation
Focus Group Guy: Now, how many of you want to see Itchy and Scratchy face real life problems, like the ones you face every day?
Kids: Me! Me! I would!
Focus Group Guy: And how many of you would like to see just the opposite? Getting into far-out situations involving robots and magic powers?
Kids: Me! Me! I would!
Focus Group Guy: (Beat) So... you want a realistic down-to-Earth show... that's completely off the wall... and swarming with magic robots?
Kids: Yeah, that sounds good.
Milhouse: And also, you should win things by watching!
— The Simpsons, "The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show"
Real Life
You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
— John Lydgate, later paraphrased by Abraham Lincoln
Of course I listen to my readers! So the next book will be: Set in Ankh-Morpork/not set in Ankh-Morpork. With lots of the good old characters/with a whole cast of new characters. Written like the old books, which were better/written like the later books, which were better. With lots of character development/none of that dull character development stuff, which gets in the way of the jokes. Short/long. You want fries with that?
Second, y'know, I get asked a lot, 'Give us ALIEN aliens.' So I do. And then I get gigged because they don't act like we'd expect humans to act. Sometimes I just throw up my hands....
Only one death threat, two demands for my immediate resignation, and two for my suicide. IT'S A HIT!!
Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.
Think of the most vicious, bitchy queen you've ever met. The worst of the fans are much, much worse.
You can't please all of the people all of the time, and last night all of those people were at my show.
People used to complain about how the list was too hard to navigate and that we should turn into a calendar. Now all I hear is that the calendar is too hard to navigate and we should go back to a list. The lesson here? Never listen to fans.
— Brian Clevinger, on the 8-Bit Theater archive design
, on the 8-Bit Theater archive designI just find it amusing that for eight years you said that you’d be happy if only Bendis weren’t writing AVENGERS any more, and here we are on that day, and you’re not remotely any happier.
— Tom Brevoort to a fan on his formspring.
There will be people who might feel disappointed if fighters that appeared in a previous title are not included. I didn’t want any players to feel that way, so we worked really hard to make this happen. But what I learned is that regardless of doing our utmost, no matter how hard we try, and no matter how many fighters we include, there will always be people who feel that way.
— Masahiro Sakurai on the roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
