Quotes / Those Wacky Nazis

Anime & Manga

"YOU UTTER FOOL! GERMAN SCIENCE IS THE FINEST IN THE WORLD!"

—Rudol von Stroheim, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency

Blogs

"YOU DARE SPEAK TO THE MASTER RACE THAT WAY?"

— Zane McBane, Bronyism

Film — Live-Action

"Nazis. I hate these guys."

— Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Elwood Blues: Illinois Nazis.

Jake Blues: I hate Illinois Nazis.

— The Blues Brothers

"Funny how Nazis are always the bad guys. Hello, OSS 117? We are in 1955. Can we have a second chance?"

— OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies

"What you just saw took place in Germany between 1934 and 1945. The situation grew out of the aftermath of World War I; Germany had been defeated, leadership was at a low end, inflation was high, and thousands were homeless, hungry, jobless, and Hitler took advantage of the situation to establish himself and his Third Reich. You all know the rest, the camps, the killings, what resulted was the most efficient death machine ever devised."

—Ben Ross, The Wave (1981)

Live-Action TV

Seven of Nine: "Nazi"?
Paris: Totalitarian fanatics bent on world conquest; the Borg of their day. No offense.
Seven: None taken.

—Star Trek: Voyager, "The Killing Game Pt. II"

General Gruber: I am Gruber. As you can see, I am ze Nazi general who is always being fitted for a new uniform. I enjoy the company of beautiful women, and listening to classical music... with my eyes shut!
General Schtum: I'm Schtum! Ze Nazi general with a steely streak to my character. You vill find that I am alvays removing my gloves. So... I disapprove of ozzer generals being measured for new uniforms! And I am also alvays ze one who is vinding up ze telephone and saying, "Get me ze Führer!"
General von Dünkel: Gentlemen! Allow me to introduce myself. General von Dünkel. I am the slightly pervy general. Und I may also be a little bit gaaay. As you can see, I have a twitch, und I am always dubbing my mouth with a handkerchief, because I have no lips.
General Kessler: Good Evening, gentlemen. I am Kessler! I am the easygoing general who does not need to salute properly. You will note my ludicrous scar and my obvious limp. I also have spent many happy years in London. The reason for my uniform being to a slightly different colour to yours is never explained.
General Matthau: Well, you leave me no choice. I am the Nazi general who is outwardly calm, but subject to sudden and inexplicable fits! Of! Temper!

— Alas Smith and Jones, Nazi Generals

Literature

"Hitler's brain is still alive, and still controls the Aluminum Nazi Hell Creatures From Beneath The Hollow Earth."

— Principia Discordia

"Nothing horrified—or amused us—like Nazis."

— Earth (The Book)

It was like having a machine about the place, bringing tea by numbers; you could almost hear the whirr and click with every action. In fact, he was a robot-genie, with the gift of sudden shattering appearance; he would be out on the verandah, standing at ease, and if I so much as coughed he would be quivering in the doorway shouting "Saar!", ready to fetch me a box of matches or march on Moscow. I began to understand Frederick the Great and Hitler; given a couple of million Hanses at your beck and call, the temptation to say "Occupy Europe at once!" must be overpowering.

— George MacDonald Fraser, McAuslan

Music

Vile ve're winning as we should,
Hitler speaks,
Und das is gut!
But ven Hitler don't make speeches,
Ve don't like it!

— Goebbels, This is the Army, "Ve Don't Like It" (additional song written by Irving Berlin in 1943)

Newspapers

Schmidt demonstrates once again that, when it comes to movie villains, you can't do better than Nazis.

— Roger Ebert on Captain America: The First Avenger

Tabletop Games

If Hitler had not created the Nazis, fiction would have had to invent them. From Indiana Jones movies to Hellboy comics to just about every post-1933 modern game setting, “Nazis” fill a convenient role as faceless villains. Like orcs in fantasy settings or insectlike aliens in science fiction, they possess a fierce facade and the reputation to match it, which only it makes it all the more satisfying when a square-jawed hero levels his weapon and mows them down by the dozens.

—GURPS WWII: Iron Cross

Theatre

Don't be stupid, be a smarty!
Come and join the Nazi Party!

—"Springtime For Hitler", The Producers

Consul Karl Baumer is the type of German who makes caricaturists' lives easy, and pro-German propaganda difficult.

— Character description, Margin for Error

Web Animation

I know what you're going to say: "Yahtzee!
You slick Internet paparazzi!
Surely it's always fun
To stick the butt of a gun
Up the arse of a goose-stepping Nazi!

—Zero Punctuation on Wolfenstein (2009) (in limericks)

Web Original

Other websites like to tiptoe around the issue, but we've never hesitated to come out and just say it: The Nazis were bad.

—Cracked, "5 Nazi Plans That Prove They Were Dumber Than You Think"

The thing is, apparently, when you give Terrance Dicks the freedom to unleash the darker corners of his mind and write a story for adults that doesn’t have any pesky constraints or censorship… you get Nazis. And, I mean, this isn’t entirely unfair — the Nazis are, in fact, really horrific. But there’s something deeply charming about the fact that, when told he can write an adult novel, Terrance Dicks is apparently the sort of person who goes, 'at last, I can put something really horrible in my book. Like Nazis!'

— El Sandifer

Web Video

"There's always two things that you'll find in a Naziploitation film: 1) That same picture of Hitler will be in the background of all of them, and 2) No matter what the plot is, there will be a character who shows up to tell you that whatever's going on is of 'ze Führer's highest priority!'"

— The Cinema Snob, Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS

"Can it be? Nazis! A blessing from the heavens! The developers did something right for once!"

— Fat Mann Judgeth reviewing Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade for the Sega Genesis

The Major: Gentlemen...ve...are Nazis!
Nazis: SEIG HEIL! SEIG HEIL!
The Major: Und ve...vill have war!
Nazis: SEIG HEIL! SEIG HEIL!
The Major: Und ve...u-und ve...ACHOO!
Nazis: GESUNDHEIT! GESUNDHEIT!

— Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

Pip: Alright men, you know the drill. If it moves; it dies. If it dies; you move on. Keep those grenades coming. keep the bullets raining. And most-importantly: have fun. I'm going to have a smoke.
Willingham: No offense sir, but you're being awfully casual about this. I mean, as casual as usual. But aren't we dealing with "Bram Stoker Meets Castle Wolfenstein" shit here?
Pip: Honestly Willingham, we were prepared for a full-on tactical assault. Instead we got a volley of Swastika-covered dipshits running dick-first into enemy territory.
Willingham: Still kinda crazy though isn't it?
Pip: No way! If you told me two years ago when we were either starting or ending a war in The Middle East that we'd end up fighting Nazi Vampires, I'd have kissed you full on the mouth. But now? All I feel is robbed.

—Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

The Doctor: Also, I believe our forces are being quite literally slaughtered!
The Major: Oh, who gives a shit? They're Nazis!

—Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

Western Animation

"Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot — and the only reason they can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."

— An analysis of Neo-Nazis, from The Badger comic

Real Life

"It's been one of my lifelong jobs: to make the world laugh at Adolf Hitler."

— Mel Brooks

"Satire is great, but for Nazis you use baseball bats and broken bottles."

— Woody Allen

Call me old-fashioned if you will, but I have always taken the view that swastika symbols exist for one purpose only — to be defaced.

— Christopher Hitchens

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