Quotes / The Tape Knew You Would Say That

(The Tenth Doctor is recording himself onto a tape in 1969. Sally is watching the tape in 2007.)

Sally: 1969, that's where you're talking from?

Doctor: Afraid so.

Sally: But you're replying to me. You can't know exactly what I'm going to say, forty years before I say it.

Doctor: Thirty eight.

(Later in the same conversation)

Sally: Next thing you're gonna say is, "Well, I can hear you."

Doctor: Well, I can hear you.

Sally: This isn't possible!

Larry: [watching] No, it's brilliant!

Doctor: Well, not hear you, exactly, but I know everything you're gonna say.

Sally: How can you know what I'm gonna say?

Doctor: Look to your left.

(Sally looks to her left, where Larry has been transcribing the conversation.)

Larry: What does he mean by look to your left? I've written tons about that on the forums. I think it's a political statement.

—Doctor Who S29 E10 "Blink"

Professor: (on holo-recorder) I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.

Bender: Well, life goes on... Except for you! (cackles)

Professor: I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

Bender: YOU BASTARD!

—Futurama, "A Clone of My Own"

Delta: Unfortunately, I have been taken by the Meta. This is merely a memory I left in Caboose's mind to help you along your way.

Church: Then how are you talking to me?

Delta: I am not. I merely used logic to determine what questions you would ask and in what order. Then I left the appropriate responses.

Church: Oh, reall—

Delta: Yes, really.

Church: Okay. I like cheeseburgers.

Delta: Stop trying to test me.

Church: Empire State Building.

Delta: Seriously, stop. I left this memory in case you found it.

—Red vs. Blue, Season 6, Chapter 11, Director's Cut

(Lois enters the room, tripping a rope that triggers a cassette player that plays a recording of Peter)

Peter: Please leave the light off, Lois. I don't want to be seen right now.

Lois: I imagine you wouldn't, the way you've been acting.

Peter: I thought you might say something like that.

Lois: Well, you do have it coming. Anyway, I convinced Meg to go to the dance, so I'm gonna go drop her off.

Peter: Please don't yell, Lois, I've learned my lesson!

Lois: I wasn't yelling, I was just saying...

Peter: Ugh, you would bring that up. Can't you leave the past where it belongs?

Lois: Peter, what's wrong with you?

Peter: Because I've already explained that to you! It was a scavenger hunt!

(Lois turns the lights on and lifts up the covers to reveal the player and a bunch of pillows)

Lois: What the hell is going on here?!

Peter: Lois, if you still haven't discovered I'm gone, please flip the tape over to Side B.

—Family Guy, "Let's Go to the Hop"

Jake: Yeah, you cost me a lot —
Doug Judy: You're talking to a prerecorded video, but it's cool. I hear you in my heart.

— Brooklyn Nine-Nine, "The Negotiation"

Eggman: And Sonic, if you happen to be listening...
Sonic: Oh, I'm listening, all right, and I'm gonna kick your fat, stupid, annoying, dumb, piece of shit, motherfuckin'...
Eggman: All right, all right, all right, you can stop swearing at the screen now. That's right, I can't hear you, but I knew you were doing that! Now you're taking a hit of crack!
Sonic: [is taking a hit of crack] No I wasn't.
Eggman: Uh-huh! How am I doing this, you ask? I spent years and years hanging out with you, so now I know your every move, and you'll never be able to stop me!
Tails and Eggman: Bullshit!
Eggman: See, I know your moves too, Tails! And I've already taken over half the video game universe!
Sonic and Eggman: Double fuckball sandwich!
Eggman: Ha, I can do this forever! No wait, don't shoot the screen—[Sonic shoots the TV]

— Sonic for Hire

(Ryan, Yaz and Graham are on a crashing plane without the Doctor when a video appears on the in-flight screens.)
Doctor: Welcome aboard!
Graham: You are kidding! How's she doing that?!
Doctor: I realize you have questions.
Graham: Where are you? We're going to die!
Doctor: First of all, you're not going to die! Second of all, don't talk back to the screens. Obviously I'm a recording and I can't hear you. Third, don't panic. Especially you, Graham.
Graham: I'm not panicking!
Doctor: Yes, you were. And I did just say don't talk back to the screens.

—Doctor Who S38 E1/E2 "Spyfall"

Gerald: If you're hearing this pre-recorded message, it means the worst has happened. Black Doom has returned and called you "cringe".
Black Doom: How did you prepare for this specific possibility?
Gerald: He may be wondering how I prepared for this specific possibility, but I can't answer questions because this is a pre-recorded message.
Black Doom: Shit.
Gerald: Listen to me, Shadow! All my years of research have gone into making you the world's most based lifeform. You are scientifically designed to be based!
Black Doom: He's lying to you, Shadow. My powers allow me to detect all cringe.
Gerald: He may be saying that his powers allow him to detect all cringe...
Black Doom: Stop doing that.
Gerald: ...And it is true; there is one part of you that is cringe.
Black Doom: See?
Gerald: It's the blood of Black Doom that runs inside of you!
Black Doom: What?!
Gerald: If you defeat him, there will be no cringe left.
Black Doom: That's preposterous! Cringe is determined by your behavior, not by your blood. Even if I were cringe, my DNA would have no effect on Shadow being so.
Gerald: He may be making a valid argument about the nature of genetics, but observe this meme in which I have depicted him as the Soyjak and you as the Chad. He has already lost!
Black Doom: No! Impossible! They didn't even have memes 50 years ago!

— Jehtt, "No, you're cringe"

Phone Guy: [Animatronics] used to be allowed to walk around during the day, too. But then there was the Bite of '87...
Markiplier: THE BITE!?!
Phone Guy: Yeah...

—Markiplier, WARNING: THE SCARIEST GAME IN YEARS| Five Nights at Freddy's - Part 1

SlinkyDolphinClock: What sound does a dog make again? I can't remember.
Doug: Bark?
SlinkyDolphinClock (in the same donation message): No not bark, the other one.
Doug: Woof?
TTS: Spawning wolves.

—DougDoug, ''Skyrim but if I say "dragon" then 10 dragons spawn

"So relax, take a breather. You earned it for making it this far into the video. We can just have a friendly conversation, me and you. Me, who's recording these voice lines months in advance, and you, who can't actually talk back. That'll work, right?"

— pannenkoek2012, SM64’s Invisible Walls Explained Once and for All

---