"Now I could keep looking and see what else I could find, besides the black mold, the damaged retaining wall, the frayed electrical wires, the lead paint, the water damage, the fire damage, the sun damage, the broken furnace, the rotted floorboards, hey! Look at that, no termites! The cracked chimney, the bats, the rats, the spiders, the raccoons, the hobo, the detached gutter, the outdated fuse box, and the paint job in the kitchen, which is fine, but the trim really clashes with the countertops. Or I could just recommend that you do not buy this godforsaken Guantanamo Bay of a house and suggest that we all get our asses out of here before a medium-sized wind blows the whole sumbitch down."
— Home inspector, How I Met Your Mother, "Home Wreckers"
Okay, the lobby's looking shabby, and it's got the wrong address
And the whole dang thing has been condemned by American Express
Still, the management is cheerful, though the whole joint's gone to Hell
Oh, welcome home to the Happiness Hotel
I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
— Egon Spengler, Ghostbusters
All your pipes are antique; your water pressure's too weak
You've got an attic full of dry rot 'cause your roof sprung a leak
Your fridge is starting to reek; your hardwood floors really squeak
But don't worry; I'll show you my amazing technique!
You've got an attic full of dry rot 'cause your roof sprung a leak
Your fridge is starting to reek; your hardwood floors really squeak
But don't worry; I'll show you my amazing technique!
— "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Handy"
It was difficult to tell whether it was three or four stories high; the windows seemed to move when he looked away from them, the shadows and the lines of the house conspiring to make them impossible to count. The porch listed at one end, and the chains that had once held a swing still dangled, rusty and abandoned. Someone had taken the time to freshen up the paint when they heard the place was to be sold. The end result was that the house appeared to have contracted a bad case of leprosy.
— Thomas Price's first impression of the Old Parrish Place, InCryptid, "The Way Home"
