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Fan Works
If you wouldn't mind, I'd really appreciate it if I could be excused... I need to take care of a private matter, you know... of a biological nature.
Daphne, please, it's not a cold; it's a viral infectious disease of the upper respiratory tract, which affects primarily the nose.
Peter Venkman: "So what's it gonna be, Spengs, are you going to take it like a man, go upstairs and rest out your cold, or do we have to carry you, while you throw a tantrum over it?"
Egon Spengler: "I've never thrown a tantrum in my life. I make disa... disa... ACHOO! ACHOO! Disagreements."
Leni Loud: "Eww! Did you... pee yourself?"
Lisa Loud: "Yes. I... urinated in my sleep."
Films — Animated
I was wondering if you'd like to go on a da—- uh, activity with me.
— Flint Lockwood, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Films — Live-Action
You can call them ghosts, or as I prefer, the living impaired.
— Dr. Harvey, Casper
Literature
She said it was completely inappropriate to take a picture of someone's "posterior". No one on my team knew what "posterior" meant, but luckily we were in the library, so we looked it up in the dictionary. And you'll never believe this, but it means "butt".
— Gregory "Greg" Heffley, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, "The Ugly Truth"
Live-Action TV
Worf: "I did not faint. Klingons do not faint."
Dr. Pulaski: "Excuse me, I'll rephrase. This Klingon suffered a dramatic drop in blood pressure, his blood glucose level dropped, there was deficient blood flow resulting from circulatory failure. In other words, he curled up his toes and lay unconscious on the floor."
— Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Up the Long Ladder"
It is *not* an old washing machine! For your information, I am lodged in a domestic cleaning appliance!
— Worzel Gummidge, "The Scarecrow Wedding"
Stand-Up Comedy
There's a condition in combat. Most people know about it. It's when a fighting person's nervous system has been stressed to it's absolute peak and maximum. Can't take anymore input. The nervous system has either (click) snapped or is about to snap. In the first world war, that condition was called shell shock . Simple, honest, direct language. Two syllables, shell shock. Almost sounds like the guns themselves. That was seventy years ago. Then a whole generation went by and the second world war came along and very same combat condition was called battle fatigue . Four syllables now. Takes a little longer to say. Doesn't seem to hurt as much. Fatigue is a nicer word than shock. Shell shock! Battle fatigue. Then we had the war in Korea, 1950. Madison avenue was riding high by that time, and the very same combat condition was called operational exhaustion. Hey, were up to eight syllables now! And the humanity has been squeezed completely out of the phrase. It's totally sterile now. Operational exhaustion. Sounds like something that might happen to your car. Then of course, came the war in Vietnam, which has only been over for about sixteen or seventeen years, and thanks to the lies and deceits surrounding that war, I guess it's no surprise that the very same condition was called post-traumatic stress disorder. Still eight syllables, but we've added a hyphen! And the pain is completely buried under jargon. Post-traumatic stress disorder. I'll bet you if we'd of still been calling it shell shock, some of those Vietnam veterans might have gotten the attention they needed at the time.
Web Animation
I did... micturate myself.
— James Rallison, TheOdd1sOut, "Peeing Yourself"
Webcomics
Random Man: "'The experiment had a thermal event.'"
Gordon Noble: "It caught fire."
Random Man: "'The experiment underwent an unplanned, rapid disassembly.'"
Gordon Noble: "It exploded."
Random Man: "'The experiment experienced a pyrotechnical disconformity'."
Gordon Noble: "It caught fire and then exploded."
Ruffles: He's inside the mop closet spying on us.
Duane: [in the mop closet] I AM NOT! I was assessing the situation ere intruding!
Duane: [in the mop closet] I AM NOT! I was assessing the situation ere intruding!
Western Animation
Fecal incident!
— Bobby Santiago, The Loud House, "Linc or Swim"
Gertrude is *not* a toy! She's a miniature locomotive!
— Grandpa Pig, Peppa Pig
My... my buttocks came into contact with the... buttocks of another young man!
— Ned Flanders, The Simpsons, "In Marge We Trust"
