The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had radioactive waste dumped into my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation!
David: And now, it’s time for the Cliff’s Notes version of Smallville.
Chris: They do in 20 minutes what that show did in ten years, and it’s still too damn long.
Chris: They do in 20 minutes what that show did in ten years, and it’s still too damn long.
—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on
Superman: The Movie
Superman: The MovieJessica: What doesn't kill us makes us stranger.
Simpson: Stronger.
Jessica: If you say so.
Simpson: Stronger.
Jessica: If you say so.
—Every Marvel origin story, Jessica Jones (2015)
Spider-Man Noir: My name is Peter Parker.
Peni: My name is Peni Parker.
Spider-Ham: My name is Peter Porker.
All Three: I was bitten by a radioactive spider (Ham:...pig).
Noir: In my universe, it's 1933, and I'm a private eye. I like to drink egg cremes and I like to fight Nazis. A lot.
Peni: I'm from New York in the year 3145. I have a psychic link with the spider who lives inside my father's robot, and we're best friends forever!
Noir: Sometimes, I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything.
Ham: I'm a photographer for the Daily Beagle! When I'm not poaching around, I'm working like a dog trying to sniff out the latest story!
Peni: My name is Peni Parker.
Spider-Ham: My name is Peter Porker.
All Three: I was bitten by a radioactive spider (Ham:...pig).
Noir: In my universe, it's 1933, and I'm a private eye. I like to drink egg cremes and I like to fight Nazis. A lot.
Peni: I'm from New York in the year 3145. I have a psychic link with the spider who lives inside my father's robot, and we're best friends forever!
Noir: Sometimes, I let matches burn down to my fingertips just to feel something, anything.
Ham: I'm a photographer for the Daily Beagle! When I'm not poaching around, I'm working like a dog trying to sniff out the latest story!
Hi, my name is Hobie, Hobie Brown. I was bitten by — wouldn't you like to know? — and for the last three years, I've been the one and only — wait wait wait, you think I'm gonna show you my secret identity? Come off of it! That is, when I'm not playing shows, antagonizing fascists, staging unpermitted political action/performing art pieces, or having a laugh at the pub with the mandem! I'm not a role model, I was briefly a runway model, I hate the AM, hate the PM, hate labels, I'm not a hero, 'cuz calling yourself a hero makes you a self-mythologizing narcissistic autocrat!
— Hobie Brown/Spider-Punk, Spider Man Across The Spiderverse
"Doomed planet. Desperate scientists. Last hope. Kindly couple. Superman."
