Quotes / Stewart Lee

• Overly Long Gag: The "rap" routine from the first episode of Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle. It takes up about a fifth of the entire programme:
  Stewart Lee: My second favourite celebrity hardback is this. This is a book called My Dangerous Life With So Solid Crew. Er, And it's by a man called Asher D, who was in Grange Hill, and he's one of these rappers they have now, the rap singers. I don't know if you've seen them.
  Yeah, you've seen them about, the rap singers? You've seen the rap singers, on the on the Top of the Pops they have them, don't they? They used to come on there, didn't they? The rappers, the rap singers come on the Top Of The Pops.
  You've seen them on there, there'd be a young woman singing, and then one of the rappers would come on and they'd talk, and do a little dance.
  You've seen them, the rappers, the rap singers on the Top Of The Pops now.
  They're on the on a lot of the adverts now.
  They might have a rap singer on one of the adverts.
  It might be a sausage, or some wool or something, and there'll be a rap about it, about how good the sausage is.
  You've seen them on the... You've seen them on the Top Of The Pops and on the adverts.
  You've seen the rap singers, you've seen them, yeah, you know what I'm talking about, the rap singers, and on the films they have them now. You might see a film in the pictures and James Bond or someone, he might go in one of these nightclubs and there'll be a rapper in there doing a rap. You've seen them, yeah, on the Top of the Pops and in the, in the adverts.
  In the films, they might have them.
  And, um, in the shopping centre you see them as well, don't you, the rappers? They run along the, um, you know, there's like a hand rail — a banister along the steps there.
  They run along, they run along the hand rail, don't they? And they get to the end and they go, "Oooh", like that, in a shopping centre, by the, where the multi-storey is.
  They run along the — the rap singers, they run along the banister, don't they? The hand rail, where the steps go down, and they jump off there onto the, er the disabled access ramp.
  They might jump down on there, where the wheelchairs go.
  Not when there's one there, they just jump down, and they go like that, the rappers - so, you've seen them on the Top Of The Pops and on the hand rail, they run along the hand rails, don't they? By the shop, by, where the multi-storey is, and where the Corn Exchange is — by the Corn Exchange, you see? And then they're on the ramp, aren't they, on the disabled ramp, and they jump up off there onto it's like a little wall, about that high, but it's not made out of concrete, it'll be like logs that have been sawn in half and put up, and they jump up on there, where there's flowers in, flowerbed, they jump up on there.
  Yeah? The rappers, the rap singers, you've seen them by, where the Corn Exchange is, by the, by the multi-storey, yeah, they run along the banister of the steps and they go like that, and then they jump down on the... It's not just for wheelchairs — prams, as well, can go on it.
  Then they jump up on the little wall thing and then they flip off there, don't they? And they run along, the rappers, to where there's... You know where the shopping trolleys come out from Sainsbury's and there's like a perspex kind of cover over it, they jump up on there, don't they? Then they go, "Ooh", like that, where the Corn Exchange is, round the back of the multistorey.
  Your rap singers, singing.
  Now, this book's not really aimed at me.

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