Quotes / Stepford Snarker

Tony: Have you noticed the closer we get to uncomfortable truths, the more jokes per minute you make?
Peter: That's not true.
Tony: No?
(Beat Panel)
Peter: So this talking horse walks into a bar -
Tony: I rest my case.

— Spider-Man

Kevin Cozner: Because he's gay, Raymond has been put through hell by his colleagues. Many of whom, to put it frankly, look exactly like you.
Detective Jake Peralta: Devastatingly handsome? [Kevin frowns] Sorry, I'm not comfortable with emotions.

— Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I have never "broken down", as opposed to slowly crumbling.

—Gore Vidal

Lulz is engaged in by Internet users who have witnessed one major economic/environmental/political disaster too many, and who thus view a state of voluntary, gleeful sociopathy over the world's current apocalyptic state, as superior to being continually emo.

—Encyclopedia Dramatica

The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it.

4:00, wallow in self pity

4:30, stare into the abyss

5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one

5:30, jazzercize

6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again

7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. I'm booked!

—The Grinch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

You know, I think it all started with my father, the emptiness I mean. It's a defense mechanism. I was scared, I would never earn his respect, so I shut down. Built up a wall of sarcasm and quips, so I wouldn't have to feel.

—Falco, Dorkly Originals, "Falco Adjusts His Attitude"

I've always admired your ability to make jokes when faced with adversity.

— Father Forthill to Harry Dresden, Death Masks

I can't help it. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.

— Jace, The Mortal Instruments

One must remember that a comedian cries by laughing.

— Zenon Laskowik (a comedian)

"A few weeks ago I was hapilly retired sulking by my swimming pool, and my psychotic best friend shows up out of nowhere to torture me over mistakes I made, honest mistakes I've made over a decade ago! We, our little posse are flat fucking broke, but hey let's spend two million dollars to tandem rotor fucking chopper so I can go steal nerve gas from fucking terrorists! Forgive me, you ignorant fuck, but sarcasm is all I fucking got!

—Michael De Santa giving us wonderful recap of the past events, Grand Theft Auto V

"Y'know, underneath that cool exterior and all that sarcasm, he's just a vulnerable little bunny in need of a good cry."

— Lola on Bugs, The Looney Tunes Show

"Hi, I'm Chandler. I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable."

— Chandler Bing, Friends

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