Quotes / Springtime for Hitler

"We searched Broadway on and off
For singers with a cough
We had tryouts and auditions by the score
And to trip the light fantastic
We picked dancers who were spastic
If anyone jetted, we jetted them out the door

They shouted hooray
For that sausage on display
Where did we go right?
Our leading man was so gay
He nearly flew away
Where did we go right?
A show so easy to despise
Now it's up for the Pulitzer Prize!
Oh, where, oh, where, tell us:
Where did we go right?"

— The Producers, "Where Did We Go Right!?"

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

— Brain teaser

"You fail at failing. No, that's not a double negative."

— Fauxtivational Poster

Marcellus: I heard you was in steam automobiles.
Harold Hill: I was. 'Till someone actually invented one.

—The Music Man

"Things I have learned: Never put anything ugly or stupid into your game. Everyone will want one."

— Nemo, Puzzle Pirates artist

"I'm so unlucky that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying."

— Rodney Dangerfield

"I can't lose! Even when I want to lose, I can't!"

— Denny Crane, Boston Legal

Francis: Sir, these guys are going to kick my ass if I win!
Commandant Spangler: Well, that's just gravy. May the best man lose.

— Malcolm in the Middle

"When their producer took the idea of doing a cover of "Noize" to them, the band was less than thrilled. Lead singer Kevin DuBrow hated the song outright, to the point where he and drummer Frankie Banali conspired to sabotage the recording and make it impossible to release... He screamed loud and off-key, doing his best not to give a fuck while ironically forgetting that rock music is all about not giving a fuck."

— Cracked, "6 Classic Songs That Were Supposed to Be Jokes"

"You could say 'failed'; I think a better word for it would be 'deliberately tanked.'"

— Todd in the Shadows, on Chumbawamba post-"Tubthumping."

"As usual, Tanya has overestimated her own ability to fail and surprised precisely one person in the whole nation with her success."

— Slayer Anderson describing the central premise of A Young Woman's Political Record

I’m not big on conspiracy theories but someone needs to get to the bottom of how talented people made this show. I started to take notes like "tax scheme" (maybe the ‘I’ stands for IRS) and "Springtime for Hitler Shenanigans."

— Brian Tallerico on The I-Land

There will come a time in each of your careers when you’ll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And I’m ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, he’s got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me I’m stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV.

— Joey Tribbiani, Friends: "The One with the Racecar Bed"

Father, I have successfully opened negotiations with Avatar Aang—
Fire Lord Ozai stared down at the urgent hawk letter in his hand. It was already on fire at the edges, the flame pulsing slowly inward with each of his breaths.
Zuko's ability to fail at any task—including a suicide mission— was truly impressive.

— As The World Should Be

"Task failed successfully."

— This meme Windows XP error message◊

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