Comic Proper
Michelle: She's also a smartass, but like you say: better a smartass than a dumbass.
Michelle: Okay okay okay calm down. I'm sure there's a perfectly rational explanation for this. And that explanation would be...that this is obviously some whacked-out dream.
Michelle: My life has gone from 'alright' to 'crappy fantasy fanfic' in three hours. Cut me some slack.
Merial: You haven't really seen the fun side of all this, Michelle. Just give it a chance, please? It really is great once you stop trying so hard to make things go back to 'normal.'
Jim: Oy. Look, it's all super advanced magic and I can't explain it because I really have no idea how it works. [...] Look, it makes more sense when you get a feel for it. My personal motto is "Tadaaa...Magic!"
Michelle: Yeah, I'm not so sure about this "no pants" thing. Getting drafts where drafts should not be gotten.
Jim: This should be easy. Like riding a bike!
Michelle: I broke my arm riding a bike...
Michelle: I broke my arm riding a bike...
Michelle: I'M GOING TO DIE!!!
Jim: Well with that attitude you won't accomplish anything!
Jim: Well with that attitude you won't accomplish anything!
Eustace: What, are you Irish now, boy? The whole "confuse the bumpkin with different accents" game got old by the third week.
Jim: You look like a crow from Dumbo that fell into a production of Hair.
Michelle: Jim!...That's rude, right?
Marshall: Yes.
Michelle: Jim!
Michelle: Jim!...That's rude, right?
Marshall: Yes.
Michelle: Jim!
Jim: Think of them as insurance so I don't get my gorgeous orange arse handed to me again.
Jim: If you'd stop whining about your own problems for four minutes you might find out.
Marshall: Eustace and I are mystical Indian spirit animals, boy. Give us some credit for being able to see through a half-assed lie.
Merial: I swear to God, if we die I will never forgive myself.
Greg: Galdang that smells like rotten tuna fish burnt hair dog vomit.
Gabe: Oh, I was about to, but you know how much I hate playing the Deus ex Machina.
Mikhail: Up for poker this Friday, Gabe?
Gabe: You supply the bourbon and I'll try not to bring down my holy wrath upon thee.
Gabe: You supply the bourbon and I'll try not to bring down my holy wrath upon thee.
Gabe: Well you do keep saying how much you need a change in your life.
Bloodcarver: I meant something like taking a vacation with my wife, not committing high treason.
Bloodcarver: I meant something like taking a vacation with my wife, not committing high treason.
Merial: Plenty of people talk to you, Greg. You just don't talk back.
Merial: So, um. Feel better now?
Jim: I just punched a demon in the face. Best birthday of me life.
Jim: I just punched a demon in the face. Best birthday of me life.
Django: G'morning, Master Noir. I see you're still very much in need of a haircut.
Tony: "Just a bandersnatch," he says. "Just a walking acid trip. Perfectly normal, it is."
Tony: Okay, so what are these weirdo shops around here?
Blanche: Oh, well they are just full of the strangest, most magical items ever! Brodie's over there is a mysterious place called a "bakery". They sell bizarre and strange items like "biscuits" and "scones." Oh and over there is an ancient mythical establishment known as a "bookstore." Should I slow down? I know all these unfamiliar terms might be overwhelming.
Blanche: Oh, well they are just full of the strangest, most magical items ever! Brodie's over there is a mysterious place called a "bakery". They sell bizarre and strange items like "biscuits" and "scones." Oh and over there is an ancient mythical establishment known as a "bookstore." Should I slow down? I know all these unfamiliar terms might be overwhelming.
Zech: [on an Entertainingly Wrong bestiary's description of centaurs] What, you don't believe I'm the spawn of a big horse god and a cloud?
Elise: I know for a fact that you don't eat raw flesh. Or any meat.
Zech: I never told you how I eat hobos?
Elise: I know for a fact that you don't eat raw flesh. Or any meat.
Zech: I never told you how I eat hobos?
Elise: We wouldn't be fighting each other constantly over inane reasons, at least.
Zech: You were about to throw down with me just now 'cause I'm not immediately agreeing with you!
Zech: You were about to throw down with me just now 'cause I'm not immediately agreeing with you!
Jim: Is she in full devil regalia? Is she poking him with a gig? Is she parting the heavens and raining fire down upon him? Turning him into one of her legion of hellhounds set to smite all that is unworthy and destroy all that is fun?
Jim: C'mon, I saw Paul and Jon over at Greensleeves and we haven't embarrassed them at all today.
Lorne: What's this? Are we not allowed to come say hello to our dearest siblings?
Jon: No.
Paul: You two bring disaster with you.
Jon: No.
Paul: You two bring disaster with you.
Paul: You can't make judgements on an entire culture using an eccentric homosexual cursed gryphon as your example, Jonny.
Jim: Aww, and how does it feel to be related to me by blood, dearest Paulie-poo?
Jim: Aww, and how does it feel to be related to me by blood, dearest Paulie-poo?
Jon: I ain't a racist. I just don't think it's a good idea to be friends with manticores.
Jim: Sounds racist to me.
Jim: Sounds racist to me.
Jim: Honestly, Rupert, how can a blood relative of mine be such crap at Borogove?
Tim: Sam, that was a very irresponsible and dangerous waste of magic. Ten points from Gryffindor.
Ike: Look, I am capable of fixing your keyboard or eating it. Guess which I'm closer to doing?
Tony: What do you think is the problem?!
Tim: *beat* I take it this is not what he's supposed to look like?
Tony: I'm getting really tired of nobody freaking out over this like the should be!
Tim: *beat* I take it this is not what he's supposed to look like?
Tony: I'm getting really tired of nobody freaking out over this like the should be!
Abbie: You're not a monster, Paul, you don't get it. You got a medallion, you can get out of this place. I can't. Sometime before I die I would like to walk out of here without forty layers of concealing clothing on. I want to be able t'visit me parents in Cardiff without it bein' a giant bleedin' production.
Paul: *siiiigh* Fine. And if this turns out to be the worst idea in 500 years I will have no end of "I told you so"s.
Abbie: Aww, Paulie. If I didn't know better I'd think you weren't thrilled to be planning Jim's going away party.
Paul: Abbie, if it were up to me the party would consist of a single cake with "Good Riddance" written on it.
Paul: Abbie, if it were up to me the party would consist of a single cake with "Good Riddance" written on it.
Ike: Why, Mr. Hyde, alert the presses! It appears that Master Lyon and Master Finn are not in fact attached at the hip!
Jim: Can you believe me brother got the Horsemen to play minus their Satan drummer? Just for li'l ol' me? I get a party an' I get t'piss Elise off at the same time. It truly is a Christmas miracle.
Jim: Not everyone can be as everyday normal as ouzelum birds and bandersnatches, can they?
Lorne: It is crap. Rule number one of the Avalon, Anthony: Everything David says is crap.
Tim: In honor of Mr Finn's departure from this, our sceptred isles, in favor of the New World, tonight we have a duel between two great nations! To my right, hailing from somewhere in the United Kingdom, or so he tells us, we have Royce "The Fool" Carmikal! Jack-of-all-trades and owner of the Electric Voodoo Tattoo and Curio! Mr. Carmikal has challenged the gentleman to my left, known only as Jack! This guitarist of the Four Horsemen comes from the deserts of New Mexico, and has never lost a bar bet! Can one of Her Majesty's own finally beat the Yank? It's the British Invasion versus American Imperialism!
Greg: Don't underestimate me, Michelle! I held off the Momo with naught but my forehead, you know.
Janis: Well I'm sorry, Michelle, but if you aren't going to tell me what you're worried about I'm to start assuming!
Janis: Whatever you need to say, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.
Michelle: You say that now but you don’t know the kind of crazy that’s about to come out of my mouth.
Michelle: You say that now but you don’t know the kind of crazy that’s about to come out of my mouth.
Janis: It hasn't really sunken in yet. I'm sure once you leave I'll start sobbing uncontrollably.
Michelle: Would you like to see two impossible things today?
Greg: That's none of your business! And stop making bets about me!
Michelle: Oh sorry, I must've been distracted by the demons and the dragon and the CHANGING MY ENTIRE SPECIES thing.
Michelle: I'm leaving. Don't have too much fun at our expense.
Lily: I am as Arthur, on the holiest of quests.
Lily: I can spend my notes on whatever ridiculous thing I want to spend them on, and I want. This. Talisman.
Dean: Well I'm not buying you a pint next time you say you're short. Those days are over, moneybags.
Dean: Well I'm not buying you a pint next time you say you're short. Those days are over, moneybags.
Alec: Congratulations, Snodgrass. I don't know how you dropped off me radar, but you have successfully progressed from a mere annoyance to a being of EXTREME INTEREST. I hope you enjoy the extra attention.
Eustace: Anybody told you what a barrel of giggles you are, Ms. Rienkemeyer?
Gabe: I am far too busy for this hide-and-seek nonsense. Attention! Secretive crazy hill folk! I need to talk to whoever's in charge here!
Myra: A prank requires something to be funny.
Gabe: Myra, I don't suppose you would enjoy vanquishing hellbeasts, would you?
Myra: I'm sure I could find some way to have a good time.
Myra: I'm sure I could find some way to have a good time.
Eustace: That's not super reassuring.
Gabe: I'm not a reassuring being.
Gabe: I'm not a reassuring being.
Rhonda: Hold on, I'm still feeding off her pure hatred. It gives me sustenance.
Tony: Oh sodding hell, why are you always popping up around me?
Alec: I work here. I'm allowed to pop up.
Alec: I work here. I'm allowed to pop up.
Comments/Alt Texts
runedeadth: ...I MUST go out and buy a suspicious cloak and walk around town wearing it. 6'4" guy walking round all mysterious, dropping random trinkets...Well, that’s my weekend planned.
runedeadth: When I stub my toe I swear like a sailor. When I have my toenail ripped out I say things like "Fudgesicles!" and “Gosh Darn it!". True story.
runedeadth: *Crack* *Crack!* *Tsh tsh tsh tsh* *Crunch*. Either I’m being followed, or theres a really bad Indie band out here!
Kabbalist: So...is this GOOD white fire, or BAD white fire? These emotionally activated superpowers can go either way.
runedeadth: There's nothing more fun than trying to explain something complicated to someone who really doesn't get it.
Kabbalist: Particularly when you don't fully understand it either, and to someone that expects you to know everything just because you know more than they do.
Kabbalist: Particularly when you don't fully understand it either, and to someone that expects you to know everything just because you know more than they do.
Saelina: "Normal" is a setting on the clothes dryer. For everything/body else...fuggedaboudit.
AshtaraSilunar: No, no. All physics majors know that you are normal if you’re perpendicular to the ground. Therefore anyone standing is normal!
AshtaraSilunar: No, no. All physics majors know that you are normal if you’re perpendicular to the ground. Therefore anyone standing is normal!
runedeadth: Cliff Lion Tossing, a popular sport in the Avalons. Of course, indestructible Nemean Lions are usually used, so a winged one might be cheating.
mask777: Nah, no need for [memory-erasing] powers. You just bonk their heads, find a tree with a low branch, and when they wake up tell them they hit their head.
NXTangl: Cheshire requires teeth and, in extreme cases, a complete lack of anything attached to said smile.
Murg: Draconomicon? Really? I'll bet hooking a turbine up to Lovecraft's spinning grave could prove to be a viable source of renewable energy.
Mooglets: Is it odd that I think Jim is far more handsome in his true or even half form that in human?
TheOtterOne: No. Everyone's more handsome when they're happy with how they look; he’s happiest when he looks the way he’s accustomed to.
TheOtterOne: No. Everyone's more handsome when they're happy with how they look; he’s happiest when he looks the way he’s accustomed to.
The_Rippy_One: And the entire readership facepalms.
CyberSkull: Why can't dreams ever give nice, sensible, logical advice?
Sybarite: It is amazing how much easier it is to deal with monsters and demons when you have no fear. It works even better when you are justified in having no fear.
Kabbalist: Note to self: buy any 'normal' friends an etiquette manual and translation guide before introducing them to the weirdos I usually prefer to keep company with.
CrayolaAutumn: Today, Blanche teaches us how NOT to be subtle.
Alt Text: Cliffhangers happen when things actually happen in this comic instead of just people yap yap yappin' at each other.
Drake Arron: We should SO continue that argument in the comments...
Silver Guardian: Because when you don’t know that you don’t know something, it’s easy to make yourself believe you do know. And because most people don’t want to believe they didn’t know as much about themselves as they thought they did.
Alerhys: "It’ll be a safe, controlled environment." I felt a great disturbance in the Force...as if millions of genre-aware voices suddenly cried out...
Footnote: I wouldn’t trust Alec as far as I could throw him. And seeing that he’s a giant monster nightmare bear, I can’t throw him at all.
Greenwood Goat: Again, no problem with the exposition. Exposition is good. Exposition is fun. May those who rail at exposition be confounded–-do not count them among the just!
Mai: Or am I seeing links that aren’t there? I probably am—I've had too much wine this evening and I swear I briefly managed to link David Bowie to the Tooth Fairy. Can't quite remember how.
Q?: This should be interesting, a smile from an insecure (half) manticore, second prize winner in the scariest teeth awards.
Q?: Adaptation through alcohol and complaining, the age old method.
Silver Guardian: Depending on where you are and who you ask, any sort of contest might bring such a reaction, especially from men with more pride than self-control.
Emma: I have no idea what’s going on, but I bet whatever it is is going to be hilarious.
Chabbit: NO, GREG, DON’T SAY IT! YOU JUST INVITED ALL THE SHENANIGANS IN!!!
Dragontech: Smooth as 60-grit sandpaper...
Silver Guardian: [My mother], meanwhile, would sit there and calmly take it in stride. This is not to say that she would believe me, mind you, merely that she would humor me.
Min: Kory, your plot thickener is of an exceptional brand. May I get the name of the store at which you purchase it?
Antigone: I am very pleased that this isn’t the kind of comic where adolescents with "superpowers" hide it all from their parents and handle everything by themselves.
CrayolaAutumn: There’s an ACME delivery plane flying overhead with a loose anvil sliding toward the back ramp.
Quats: Love conquers all, DESPITE that cheesy ‘mustache’ that looks like a caterpillar died on your lip last year.
Drake Arron: I just hope this isn’t too stereotypical. I hate stereotypical.
Yargo: Jim is so cute when he’s four.
Syberi: Things changed: 0. Things revealed: >1.
Dragontech64: This encounter foretells of great tribulations in the near future. Followed with a great "I told you so".
khade: There is good evidence that if they actually cared to, and could work together for an extended amount of time, the bugbears would rule the world. Luckily they all know how much work it would be and realize that they’d rather be doing ANYTHING else.
NasiDe: We go throughout the entire comic expecting the unexpected, and then the expected comes along leaving us surprised that the unexpected never came!
mage_cat: It would be funny if one day someone countered one of Alec’s bugbear theories by saying the person in question was a different creature entirely. "H. P. Lovecraft was a nokk. I thought everyone knew that."
Alexander: That moment when you realize you’ve started a war that simply can’t be won.
Dajagr: It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye...then it’s a scavenger hunt!
mage_cat: I wonder if Gabe won the Nightmare in a poker game.
Scurv Of PCP: I wonder if Gabe lost and got Nightmare in a poker game.
Scurv Of PCP: I wonder if Gabe lost and got Nightmare in a poker game.
Jade Fairchild: I love how nonchalant Gabe is about all of that nonsense. Some might hear such a conversation and...I dunno...DESTROY.
Kai: Oh my god Hank you are like an adorable little Disney character with an NRA membership.
TB: Finding a great new webcomic and realizing you’ve got years of material to read is like discovering a new author you really like in the library and finding out he wrote another thirty books.
KRuth: I’m not sure if I should be curious or worried that you seem to have so much practical knowledge of pole-arms...
Greenwood Goat: Maybe he wants to go down in legend, as a tale to frighten children with.
Zzzx: That’s a face that is ready to do some stomping of other faces.
Hadashi: This doesn’t look like a level-appropriate encounter, but on the off-chance they win the loot drop will be EPIC.
JoB: Considering that the corners of her mouth are about to become part of her hairdo, chances are that Myra’s enjoying her current activity A LOT.
ponyhome: If you’re going to be pedantically correcting people, do it right.
Retmas: Rough translation: YOU HAVE F***ED UP
TB: Never get blood all over a guy who really likes white suits.
Lazureus Falcone: Got to love dangling that carrot of hope just in-front of their face long enough to get their hopes up...and then you eat it.
Alt Text: Nobody gets me, I'm the wind, baby.
Quirky: *CRASH* ...The wind just broke his leg.
Quirky: *CRASH* ...The wind just broke his leg.
TCS: The apple may not fall far, but sometimes it gets picked up and carried to a better place.
Kata: There’s no angst so great that hearing your BFF called humiliating pet names by his mother can’t make it better.
TCS: Annnnd this is the part where my maturity ran out.
GDA: "Unique." A fancy way of saying "There’s nobody else like you." Also a polite way of saying "We have no idea what you are or how to fix you."
Lynx-Eye: You can run, but you’ll just go to jail tired.
Anima: Just because there are people with worse problems than you, doesn’t mean your problem is any less of a problem.
Mourice: [responding to a Hurricane of Puns] I don’t know whether to clunk your heads together or give you both medals.
Superrad: I hope that last panel was as fun to draw as it looks like it was.
Sabreur: Only a cat can have a face that says “I love you!” and claws that say “You’re bleeding now!” at the same time.
TB: Someone who invented that in our world would have Bill Gates shining their shoes.
Spencer: Ooo! Lovecraftian sounds nice! It has "Love" in it! *Google* Oh. Never-mind. I take that back. The love I expected was replaced with an equal or greater amount of tentacles.
Az: Two mustaches enter, one mustache leaves!
Merle: Oh jeez, I am trying to comfort a fictional character. This is what webcomics have done to me.
mage_cat: A lot of teenagers act like they’re invulnerable anyway. I cringe to think of what one with actual proof of the matter would get up to.
Averant: It’s going to be my stock response now. "Man, I’m bored." "Bored? BUT YOU HAVE THUMBS!"
SuperTaster: Cats can sleep anywhere. Birds have wiggly necks. They combine to form Voltron.
PJSam: Oh that’s right, these guys are evil.
