Quotes / Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century

The Fall and Rise of Sherlock Holmes

Lestrade: What do you make of this, Watson?
Watson: Inadequate external security. Infra-alarm system non-functional. Internal security compromised due to obsolete non-shatterproof glass.
Lestrade: So glad I asked.

Get in the cruiser, you worthless bucket of zed.

— Lestrade, to Watson

Holmes: You call this food, Inspector Lestrade?
Lestrade: How... how did you know my name?
Holmes: Eyes and brains, my dear. The family resemblance is strong. I knew your ancestor only too well, I'm afraid. Besides, you're still wearing your badge.

Holmes: Who or what is that metallic gentleman sitting in the back? Does he do anything?
Lestrade: Debatable.

The Crime Machine

Holmes: Now, be specific, Wiggins. I need to know the precise epicenter of all this criminal activity.
Wiggins: Oh, well, uh...
Holmes: Has London changed so rapidly? I never heard of "Owella."

One mustn't judge the mettle of a person by his outside... which in your case is metal...

— Holmes, to Watson

Lestrade: You'll be working under me.
Holmes: Balderdash! What sort of world has this become?
Lestrade: A better one!

The Scales of Justice

Chapman: I locked these cages myself!
Watson: It appears you neglected to use actual locks.

The Adventure of the Beryl Board

Holmes: George Burnwell?
Burnwell: Who's asking? Whoever you are, you'll be paid later.

Grayson won't like it... Eh, but what else is new?

— Lestrade

Don't try it, Georgie Porgie.

— Lestrade

You bugged him? [snickers] No wonder we get along so well.

— Lestrade, to Holmes

The Adventure of the Mazarin Chip

No violence, Fenwick. I beg of you, consider the furniture.

— Holmes

Fenwick: We don't stand a chance!
Moriarty: Nonsense. I'll merely use the Mazarin Chip to turn this room into a transporter and beam us out.
Fenwick: [gasps] Brilliant!
Moriarty: I was kidding. Idiot, you obviously haven't watched the classics.

The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire Lot

Augh! He's laughing at us. As well he may. The sucker changed the vault codes on us. Not even the Royal Bank Examiner could get in now... Finally, the heavy artillery is here! Wait until this ionic cannon does its thing. That smirking perp won't be laughin' then!

— Lestrade

Lestrade: Just a few more centimetres of steel and the jaws of justice will put the bite on our caped criminal!
Holmes: After all this destruction, one would hope so.

Watson: Those galacto-steel vault doors are a full metre thick, Holmes. They were designed to withstand a nuclear war.
Holmes: Ah, but nothing can withstand our Lestrade. She is a force of nature unto herself.

The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle

I do wish I could stay and verbally spar! Actually, no, I don't.

— Moriarty

The Adventure of the Dancing Men

Lestrade: Holmes! About time you got here.
Holmes: And good morning to you too, Lestrade.

Lestrade: And where were you this morning, Mr. Slaney?
Slaney: At my hotel.
Lestrade: Can anyone confirm that?
Slaney: My pillow.

The Adventure of the Engineer's Thumb

Louie: No way you Yard dogs are scrambling my brains!
Lestrade: We don't scramble brains; we modify criminal behavior through science.
Holmes: I believe that Louie fails to appreciate the subtle difference.

Grayson: [to Lestrade] All right, send Holmes. Maybe he can turn something up.
Holmes: Your confidence is touching, Chief Inspector.

Silver Blaze

Holmes: Lestrade, you do know how to pilot this machine, don't you?
Lestrade: We're about to find out.

The Adventure of the Deranged Detective

Ah! It's all about the oysters, isn't it? I knew it! I knew it!

— Holmes, feigning madness

Watson: You're not mad, either of you!
Lestrade: Angry, yes. Deranged, no.