"In trouble with the old lady" is the only way Bruce Willis knows to be married. In fact, it has been argued, most notably by us right now, that Bruce Willis is the only person who could have played the child psychiatrist in The Sixth Sense. In the first scene, the character's happily married and getting ready to bone his wife when he's shot. If it had been anyone else, we would have immediately wondered why his wife was refusing to look at him or even answer his questions in every scene after that. With Bruce Willis, we just clucked our tongues and thought, "Just like Holly. I wonder what he did this time."
— Cracked
"I had no wish to marry after Lyanna was taken from me, but Jon said the realm needed an heir. Cersei Lannister would be a good match, he told me, she would bind Lord Tywin to me should Viserys Targaryen ever try to win back his father's throne," The king shook his head. "I loved that old man, I swear it, but now I think he was a bigger fool than Moon Boy. Oh, Cersei is lovely to look at, truly, but cold... the way she guards her cunt, you'd think she had all the gold of Casterly Rock between her legs."
— King Robert Baratheon, A Song of Ice and Fire
"If I wanted wooden sex with strings attached I'd get married."
— Bill Maher, New Rules: Polite Observations from a Timid Observer
" This hasn't been a marriage for years, but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well, guess what, I've changed! And the new me whacks off when he feels horny, 'cause you're obviously not gonna help me out in that department!"
—Lester Burnham, American Beauty
"We must obey the forms. Yet that princess shall have no more of me than my name. No child of mine, nor touch, nor softness of glance, nor instant of desire."
—Paul Atreides, Dune
Mayor Bumble: Didn't you hear me calling?
Mildred: No, I 'ad the radio on.
Mayor Bumble: I know you had it on. I can't remember the last time you had it off.
Mildred: Neither can I.
"Has Marcus hidden your credit card in a place where you'll never find 'em?" (Beat) "Like down his Y-fronts?"
— Sharon Theodopolopodous, Birds of a Feather, "A Brush with the Law"
"I once asked his mother if she'd ever had an orgasm, she said exotic fruit gave her diarrhea."
— Dorien Green, Birds of a Feather, "Trouble and Strife"
Evelyn: What is it, dear?
Stanley: I've forgotten what you do...
Mr. Grainger: I had to pick up my... passport. I've never been abroad before, you know, and... for some reason, they held it up.
Captain Peacock: Whatever for?
Mr. Grainger: Well, my wife filled in the application for me, and where it said "Sex", she put "August 3rd, 1953". She's got a memory like an elephant. (Beat) Come to think of it, she's got everything like an elephant.
Olive: Oh, Arthur, it's hardly worth me going to bed.
Arthur: How right you are.
Wally: Yeah, but, er... while we're still awake, what about, er, you an' me, er-
Lill: You must be demented. Get back to yer own bed. Saucy old bugger.
Lord Twithampton: Well, if it does come to armed conflict, it's going to be terribly hard on me an' your mother, you know. Cooped up here, I hope we don't get on top of each other.
Lurk: Don't worry. There's no fear of that.
