Quotes / Sex Is Evil

Film — Live-Action

Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and DIE!

— Coach Carr, Mean Girls

"At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get chlamydia... and die."

—Coach Carr, Mean Girls

The penis is evil! The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the Earth with a plague of men, as once it was.

—Zardoz

Now let me tell you something, Streebeck. There are two things that clearly differentiate the human species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private hell.

— Joe Friday, Dragnet

"Remember, the children can't praise the Lord if they've got genitals in their mouths."

—Reverend Ritz, Nudist Colony of the Dead

"Listen, sister! Nudity didn't work for Adam and Eve and it's not gonna work for you! If God had wanted us to walk around naked he wouldn't have made little animals for us to cut up and make fur coats out of!"

—Ms. Luger, Nudist Colony of the Dead

Literature

Take sex away from people. Make it forbidden, evil. Limit it to ritualistic breeding. Force it to back up into suppressed sadism. Then hand the people a scapegoat to hate. Let them kill a scapegoat occasionally for cathartic release. The mechanism is ages old. Tyrants used it centuries before the word "psychology" was ever invented. It works, too.

— Robert A. Heinlein, Revolt in 2100

Live-Action TV

"But kids, Katie did it. And she got pregnant. With quintuplets! And she lived out her days in a trailer park, where she died an alcoholic. So the moral here, kids, is don't have sex until you're married. Maybe even wait a year or two into marriage."

— Future Ted, How I Met Your Mother, "First Time in New York"

For such an intellectually superior race Vulcans have a remarkably Victorian attitude to sex.

—The Doctor, Star Trek: Voyager ("Blood Fever")

Newspaper Comics

Moral Majority: The Moral Majority is supporting a Congressional Amendment against sex.
Woman: But where will babies come from?
Moral Majority: The stork.
Woman: The stork doesn't bring babies. Sex brings babies.
Moral Majority: Don't be duped by the evolutionists. Sex brings moral decay. Sex brings communism, pornography and immigrant hordes. PRAISE THE STORK!
Woman: Storkism. It's time has come.

—Jules Fieffer political cartoon◊

Video Games

Guest: My girlfriend Rachael and I have been together for a long time and, ahh, s-she wants to take it to the next level.
Nurse Bob: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa! How long have you been dating?
Guest: We've been dating for eight years.
Nurse Bob: Listen to me a minute: SEX IS NOT A NATURAL ACT!

— Heartland Values with Nurse Bob, GTA Radio''

"The only time your children should be playing "Doctor" is when you break the other one's arm! If we don't teach our kids that our bodies are filthy, disgustin' and dirty, that women are sin, and that emotions can be suppressed by cold showers, how in the hell are they supposed to grow up well-adjusted?!"

— Nurse Bob, Heartland Values with Nurse Bob, GTA Radio''

Web Original

Dalton isn’t helped by other factors surrounding the production. Apparently, as a result of the AIDS scare in the eighties, it was felt that a promiscuous Bond didn’t send the right message. Nevermind the fact that he killed people for a living or the fact that he drinks like a fish, it’s the promiscuity you need to worry about. There’s something telling in the way that the only females who Bond flirts with (outside Moneypenny, the pre-credits girl and the Bond girl) produce guns and threaten to kill him — there’s no subtext hidden there about how the lifestyle could kill you.

—Darren Mooney on The Living Daylights

Shatner popularized the idea of an explorer who fucks his way across the universe, a mantle later taken up by lesser Star Trek characters and thoroughly avoided by the entire useless, sexless cast of the dung pile called Star Trek: Voyager, despite its inclusion of Jeri Ryan wearing nothing but paint.

—Cracked

Frankly Harry has needed a bad girl to rip his uniform off and have her wicked way with him for over five years so this corruption of his character is long overdue. Unfortunately rather than making a man out of him it seems to have the reverse effect and rather than standing up for his rights he now sounds like a petulant, sulking child. It's hardly a swing in his favour. As soon as he has had his end away he starts agonising over violating regulations.

—Joe Ford on Star Trek: Voyager, "The Disease"

In a medium that often struggles with its perception by the general public as being nothing but juvenile fantasies for boys with no social skills, having two high-profile comics where female reproductive organs were literally used as traps isn’t really helping anyone.

—ComicsAlliance, "The 5 Worst Comics of 2010"

The conservatives had their chance with Clinton's blow job, an they totally blew it with their self righteous indignation over harmless consensual sex.

—Don Hopkins, game developer

Sex Education from the Bible — Probably the only sex-ed book that contains more references to Satan than to semen. A must-read for aspiring misogynists and writers of religious-themed erotica.

—Rational Wiki

It’s hard not to suspect that he isn’t really thinking of the children. Maybe he was when he suggested that sex education is "a Trojan horse inside the schools”, and by receiving such education “they’re going to start talking about threesomes, and they’re going to be talking about everything that’s okay.” He didn’t actually explain whose Trojan horse it was, but you can all guess, I suppose.

—The Encyclopedia of American Loons on Keith Ablow

If you take away spanking and fisting and calling someone a 'filthy little crumpet', what else is left for you to do? Shake hands before delivering an efficient and dignified blowjob? And what happens if a lady is having sex and she accidentally female ejaculates? Will they have to start over, or can they just clean that up later in editing?

—DListed, "Some Pearl-Clutching Prudes In The UK Just Banned A Whole Bunch Of Fun Sex Acts From British Porn"

Sex is Evil, and the good can’t have it back. They gave it up. It’s ours.

—Corin Deeth III, Kakos Industries

Wikipedia defines sex-positivity as “an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable.” That sounds more like what people want. Health and pleasure, sex that feels good and that you feel good about, that leaves all participants better off, their relationships stronger, their bodies and souls nourished. Positive sex.

The problem is that positive sex doesn’t result from merely “having an attitude” that it is so. It results from cultivating skills both physical and spiritual, and discerning those skills in others. It can be an intimidating endeavor, one that requires both instruction and encouragement. Both of those are conspicuously missing from every mainstream culture and subculture I know of. They all have their own criteria, such as consent or matrimony, to declare whether sex is permissible or not, not whether it’s good or lousy. And when they get into the detailed aspects of sex, they focus almost exclusively on the negative ones.

—Jacob Falkovich, Quillette, "The Sex Negative Society"

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

—INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE on the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God (a fake book satirizing 1894 attitudes towards sex)

Web Video

Yahtzee: This is the scene that made the game so controversial, cause look: It's a cock! 4 glorious pixels of cock! An entire Tetris piece of cock!
Gabriel: "4GloriousPixelsOfCock" is my eHarmony name.

—Let's Play Dreamweb

Men don't love women, Mace is unmarried, Palpatine don't got a wife... In fact, the only person who's married is Jimmy Smitts!

—Mr. Plinkett on Attack of the Clones

Western Animation

Premarital sex turns straight people gay and gays into Mexicans. We all go down a notch!
[much later]
...and, if you have sex, you're automatically in Al Qaeda.

—Peter Griffin and Jerry Kirkwood, Family Guy, "Prick Up Your Ears"

Steve: So you're saying I should never have sex until I'm married?
Stan: Yes, or angels will kill you.

—American Dad!

I guess what they say is true: sex kills.

— Junie Harper, King of the Hill

Spilling your seed wastefully is a sin. But it's also a sin to procreate in odd, exciting ways. Men and women have only one holy position and that's called the missionary position.

— Clay Puppington, Moral Orel, "God's Chef"

Real Life

Young people should NOT sow their wild oats! Sowing your wild oats will only create an unquenchable appetite. Once you've been DESENSITIZED to the sinfulness of sexual sins, then you WILL likely struggle with it for the rest of your life.

—David J. Stewart, ''Pornography is Sin! ...a curse upon America''

Playboy just wants to liberate women to behave like pigs, have sex without consequences, prance about naked, and abort children.

—Ann Coulter, How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)

When I spoke at Carleton College, I told the young people: "Unless they were a virgin on their wedding day, anyone who preaches abstinence to you is a hypocrite." Two weeks later, Ann Coulter showed up at the same school, and one of the students raised his hand and asked her whether she'd been a virgin! It made the papers—and made me laugh. You know what Coulter did? Attacked the kid and changed the subject.

— Jesse Ventura, Don't Start the Revolution Without Me! (2008)

In order for a ruling class to rule, there must be arbitrary prohibitions. Of all prohibitions, sexual taboo is the most useful because sex involves everyone.

— Gore Vidal

A woman, the only one who was able to project the glowingly innocent sexuality of a being from some planet uncorrrupted by guilt-who found herself regarded and ballyhooed as a vulgar symbol of obscenity- and who still had the courage to declare "We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it's a pity that so many people despise and crush this natural gift."

— Ayn Rand, Marilyn Monroe: Through Your Most Grievous Fault

"Press conference yielded the usual crop of daftness. I've been asked if I related personally to Carrington's tortured relationship with sex and replied that no, not really, I'd had a very pleasant time since I was fifteen. This elicited very disapproving copy from the Brits... No wonder people think don't have sex in England."

— Emma Thompson, Bringing Jane Austen's Novel to Film

"'Beautiful people' flaunt promiscuity and perversion."

— Ted L. Hanks, Family

---