Quotes / Sarcasm Mode

Oh yeah, like I'm sarcastic.

— Malcolm, Malcolm in the Middle

Fry: But won't that change history?
Professor: Ohhh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. "I'm-My-Own-Grandpa"! Let's get the hell out of here already! Screw history!

—Futurama, "Roswell, that Ends Well"

GLaDOS: Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer parts in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer. Good job on that, by the way. beep Sarcasm Sphere self-Test complete.

—Portal

GLaDOS: Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you've killed me. By the way, thanks for that!
Aperture Announcer: Sarcasm self-test complete.
GLaDOS: Oh, good. That's back online.

—Portal 2

"Oooo, a sarcasm detector! Well, that's a really useful invention!"

—Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons. A moment later, the sarcasm detector explodes.

Domor: "If you can't be anything but sarcastic, Feygor, shut the feth up!"
Feygor: "I'm not being sarcastic."
Squad: "Shut the feth up!"
Feygor: "It's this thing! This thing!" (indicates his augmetic voice-box) "It makes me sound fething sarcastic even when I'm not!"
Brostin: "To be fair, you're sarcastic most of the time anyway."
Feygor: "Not always."
Yael: "How can we tell when you're not being sarcastic?"
Mktag: "Maybe he could hold up a hand when he's actually being sarcastic for real. Like a signal."
Feygor: "Oh, that's a good idea."
(beat, everyone looks at Feygor)
Feygor: (raises his hand reluctantly)

— In Remembrance

Brandy: Okay, is it possible to work even slower?
Ed: You know, I haven't given it that much thought but I reckon it just might be possible.
Brandy: I was totally being sarcastic
Ed: Oh well it shames me to admit it Miss Brandy but I don't traffic in sarcasm too much so I don't really tend to recognize it when it is out there. You could give me a heads up like "Hey sarcastic comment coming". Just let me know then I'll have my eyes open. I mean come on, a sarcastic otter? That'll be unnatural.

— Brandy & Mr. Whiskers

Lana: Wait, here's an idea-you talk louder, and maybe they'll come to us.
Archer: We'd lose the element of surprise, Lana.
Lana: That was sarcasm!
Archer: No way? Really? Because so was that, just now.

— Archer

Oh that was sarcasm but I forgot to inflect. This sounds way more like sarcasm. Inflection is sooo interesting.

— Abed, Community, Communication Studies

Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! [leaves, slamming the door. Beat. pokes his head back in] By the way, I was being sarcastic! [slams door]
Marge: Well, duh.

—The Simpsons, "Flaming Moe's"

"Sorry, did that hurt? / That "sorry" was sarcasm / I am not sorry."

—Zer0, Borderlands 2

Dean: Are you serious?
Death: No, I'm being incredibly sarcastic.

— Supernatural, "Appointment in Samarra"

Giles: Alright, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the 12th Century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.

— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Never Kill A Boy On The First Date"

Black Mage: [After another instance of Sarcasm-Blind] We're going to have a code. When I stab you in the ear, that means I'm being sarcastic. Got it?

Red Mage: I have reservations about that, vis-a-vis the stabbing and also my ear.

Black Mage: I'll take that under advisement. [Stabs Red Mage in the ear]

— 8-Bit Theater

Meryl: Can you move?

Jim: Yes, Meryl, I can move. I've just been lying on this beach for the last few weeks because I can't resist the great taste of wet sand.

Meryl: Aw, it's so nice to hear that sarcasm of yours again.

—Mogworld

Festival Teenager #1: Oh, here comes that cannonball guy. He's cool.
Festival Teenager #2: Are you being sarcastic, dude?
Festival Teenager #1: [Dejected] ... I don't even know anymore.

—The Simpsons, "Homerpalooza"

Lucas: Maybe that's why the spies abandoned this warehouse. They gave up.

Cyril: Sure. And when my dad can't find a parking spot at the mall, he just stops on the road, gets out, and abandons the car.

Lexi: He does?

Cyril: Yes. We have to buy a new car almost every time dad goes shopping.

Lexi: That's nuts!

Cyril: [shaking his head] Little kids are so gullible.

—Spy Gear Adventures^note Cyril is only a year or two older than the other two.

"No," said the robass. "I do not mean no period. I mean no question mark with an ironical inflection."

— The Quest for Saint Aquin by Anthony Boucher.

Green Arrow: Green Arrow's got this.
Green Lantern: Since when?
Green Arrow: Sarcasm is just lost on some people.

—Injustice 2

Frank: Hey, we can't give up! We don't know that the landlord is gonna choose Mitchell over us. I mean, we've lived here nearly ten years and he only moved in a year ago. I am sure that Mr. Wilson will feel some loyalty to you and me.
Col: Oh, yeah! And he'll probably drop the rent too!
Frank: Do you really think he will?
Col: OH, YEAH! And completely renovate the whole apartment!
Frank: Hey, are you being sarcastic?
Col: Oh, yeah, I'm being really sarcastic!
Frank: [Beat] Hang on, that doesn't make any sense. You know, you should have said, you should have said "No, I'm not being sarcastic!" You know, you can't say, "Yeah, I'm being really sarcastic!" sarcastically. Like, that's, really, that - that's wrong. You- That, that doesn't make any sense.
Col: Oh, well I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry that I haven't mastered sarcasm. I mean, you're so fantastic and I'm so stupid. I mean you're the man that everybody thinks is fantastic, and I'm just a little man that crawls around on the ground like a little ant. You're so good! I'm so bad! - Help me. - You're the best man in the world. I'm just a little man running around like a dickhead. And what are you? You're the best - help me. - You're the man everyone- [Frank slaps him] Thank you.

—The Adventures of Lano and Woodley , "The Wall"

Next time, try drinking something healthier... like radiator sealant.

— Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist

Flippers: What's with the handcuffs on a little girl? Her wrists could slip right out. How about a cage?
Det. Stork: (on radio, excitedly) Bring in the cage!
Flippers: I was being sarcastic.
Det. Stork: (on radio, disappointed) Sarcasm. Strike the cage.
(Groaning can be heard on the other end of the radio.)

— Hoodwinked!

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