Quotes / Professional Slacker

"I have never known anyone else who will work so hard to avoid hard work, Matrim Cauthon."

— Egwene al'Vere, The Wheel of Time

"I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference."

— Wally, Dilbert

Eric Cartman: I typed up all my findings, Token. I made ten copies and put them in envelopes. If I don't pass this math quiz, the envelopes are all set to be sent to ten different news organizations.
Token: You did all that instead of studying for the test?

— South Park

"I don't care that you text all day and sleep at your desk. In fact, I encourage it."

— Ron to April, Parks and Recreation

Janitor: How about a little wager? If I win, you have to do my job for a day.
J.D.: And if I win?
Janitor: I'll do my job for a day.
J.D.: How is that fair?
Janitor: I'll actually do my job for a day!
J.D.: Ohh! Deal!

— Scrubs

"Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"Backup QB is the best position in sports. Fact, I get drunk all the time, I don't have to show up to class and it's just like being a real QB, but without all the pain."

— Alex Moran, Blue Mountain State

"Being happy at work is an artform. First, never overdo any task. Higher-ups want to see their tasks progressing at a consistent pace before the deadline, so never turn in anything early. Second, never take the initiative. If higher-ups don't personally tell you what they want you to do, that is not your problem. Third, don't work hard by yourself, and never fight for clout. If you can, try and drag someone in to suffering together with you. Whatever you do, never work alone for the sake of trying to demonstrate any kind of ability. Afterward, you can give credit to your peers, both as an easy hat-tip or simple investment into your future. But also as a shield against the possibility of higher-ups promoting you — a promotion means even more work."

— Qingque, Honkai: Star Rail

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