Comic Strips
"I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry. There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year: Hardware and Software."
— Boss, Dilbert
Film — Live - Action
Steve Schmidt: I've already said this five times already. She is not giving a speech.
Chris Matthews: Well, she seems to think otherwise.
Steve: Well, she's not.
Chris: What do you want me to tell her?
Steve: Tell her she's not fucking speaking!
Chris: Okay, well, you both seem pretty certain—
Steve: Well, let MY certainty supersede HER certainty! God DAMN it!!
Chris Matthews: Well, she seems to think otherwise.
Steve: Well, she's not.
Chris: What do you want me to tell her?
Steve: Tell her she's not fucking speaking!
Chris: Okay, well, you both seem pretty certain—
Steve: Well, let MY certainty supersede HER certainty! God DAMN it!!
Fetisov: I've had it. I will not suffer that stupidity anymore!
Burakov: He may be stupid, but he's in charge.
Burakov: He may be stupid, but he's in charge.
"Jesus H. Fucking Popsicle, I still don't have my billing reports, but you've got time to sit there and Google your ass off! Well, I know one thing! You've got your review coming up next week, and I can't wait to start checking me off some big fucking boxes! Attitude? Poor. Performance? Poor. Management skills? Poor. Works well with others? HA! That's a fucking joke!"
—Janice to Wesley, Wanted
Live-Action TV
(in a reconstruction, Bill Taylor looks through the qualifications of Nigeria Airways Flight 2120 project manager Aldo Tetamenti—a victim of an accident he increasingly appears to have caused)
Bill Taylor: He's not a commercial pilot or a trained mechanic!
Narrator: Investigators now conclude that the project manager's lack of experience was a critical factor in the accident.
Larry Vance: He was making operational-type decisions on behalf of—or instead of—some of the people who should have been making the decisions themselves and putting a stop to things like allowing the aircraft to fly with underinflated tyres.
Jean-Paul Philippe: (attempting to ask a hangar for bottles of nitrogen when Tetamenti shows up gesturing at his watch) Oh, let me guess, we gotta go?
William Fowler: It was something new and was to have actually assisted us in being better prepared and operating more effectively. In hindsight, the irony is, the reverse actually happened, that additional pressure was put on the crews.
Bill Taylor: He's not a commercial pilot or a trained mechanic!
Narrator: Investigators now conclude that the project manager's lack of experience was a critical factor in the accident.
Larry Vance: He was making operational-type decisions on behalf of—or instead of—some of the people who should have been making the decisions themselves and putting a stop to things like allowing the aircraft to fly with underinflated tyres.
Jean-Paul Philippe: (attempting to ask a hangar for bottles of nitrogen when Tetamenti shows up gesturing at his watch) Oh, let me guess, we gotta go?
William Fowler: It was something new and was to have actually assisted us in being better prepared and operating more effectively. In hindsight, the irony is, the reverse actually happened, that additional pressure was put on the crews.
— Mayday, "Under Pressure"
Michael: Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't have to worry about internships with them, because they definitely ain't going to college.
Darryl: What college did you go to, Mike?
Darryl: What college did you go to, Mike?
— The Office (US), "Job Fair"
Music
Misguided old mule
With your pigheaded rules
And your narrow-minded cronies who are
Foo-oo-ools of the first division
With your pigheaded rules
And your narrow-minded cronies who are
Foo-oo-ools of the first division
— Queen, "Death on Two Legs"
Tabletop Games
Waits was a decidedly unlovely and markedly porcine man whose business practices were as piggish and short-sided as his daily routine...As a result, Sunburst home computers became infamous throughout the industry for being even more unreliable and perverse than you could reasonably expect a PC to behave. To be sure, they had their strong points, but too many consumers complained of migraines, extreme user-unfriendliness, irreparable disk crashes and other ills — and rightly so.
— Werewolf: The Apocalypse - Subsidiaries: A Guide To Pentex
Video Games
If you see Mr. H in the halls, DO NOT make eye contact. Making eye contact with Mr. H will be seen as an attempt to steal his thought energy and will be grounds for immediate dismissal. Yes, even if Mr. H is wearing his special hat.
— Final entry on "Mr H's" new security measures, Fallout: New Vegas
I don't know how to work email and I refuse to learn.
I keep my most important files in the trash and somebody stole them.
I always forget to empty my briefcase when I put it in the washing machine.
I can't stop making confetti!
— Potential explanations for why M. Bubbles lost the players' resumes, Job Job
Web Original
I'm reminded of the time during my three-year stint working for Borders when the CEO resigned and was replaced by the former head of Pathmark.... I'm trying to remember if the word "book" was even mentioned during the fifteen-minute explication of his revolutionary new customer service acronym.
The Ginger Hammer makes this list every year, but this year’s a REALLY special inclusion because he inked a $200 million contract extension that ensures he’ll be around to desecrate the sport of football until at least 2024. Think of all the suspensions he’ll botch! Think of the surprising owner feuds he’ll instigate! And think of how low the ratings can get! By 2024, there’ll be six people watching Thursday Night Football streaming on Vudu, and Goodell will get another extension worth half a billion. It’s gonna be great.
—Drew Magary on the NFL, "The Least Influential People of 2017"
GQ
GQI will probably be on Social Security, 44 years from now, before we even come close to a Super Bowl. No matter what we do, who we hire to run this disaster, which washed-up stars we overpay, nothing ever changes. Daniel Snyder is a black hole of ignorance and incompetence that has dragged this team into the abyss. He makes WMATA look professional, Donald Trump look tactful, and makes Ann Coulter look open to criticism or other opinions.
Real Life
There is something peculiarly inhuman even about his incompetence.
— Gore Vidal, "H. Hughes"
There are many highly successful businesses in the United States. There are many highly-paid executives. The policy is not to intermingle the two.
— Norman Augustine
"He obviously has qualities that I don’t recognize or understand. How can a person who has a 15-year history of failure still keep a job?"
— TNA Co-Founder Jerry Jarrett on Vince Russo
As his company was descending into Randian mayhem, Lampert continued to cheerfully inform stockholders that his revolutionary ideas would soon produce earth-shattering results. Reality: Sears has lost half its value in five years...The Sears store in Oakland, California, open for business with boarded-up windows, has even been cited for urban blight.
— Lynn Parramore on Kmart CEO Eddie Lampert
