Pee-Wee Herman: No, Randy. That's not cool! It's not nice to make prank phone calls.
Randy: It's ringing!
Housewife: Hello?
Pee-Wee Herman: Uh, Is your refrigerator running?
Housewife: Well, I had just about enough of this. And besides, My husband is a police officer. (To Officer Gerald) Oh, Gerald? (Gives the phone to Officer Gerald)
Officer Gerald: What's your name, kid?
Pee-Wee Herman: Uh, Pee-Wee Herman!
Officer Gerald: WELL YOU LISTEN TO ME, PEE-WEE HERMAN! MAKING PRANK PHONE CALLS IS AGAINST THE LAW! If I wasn't such a nice guy, I would had take you downtown and throw into JAIL!!! And get a criminal record for the rest of your life. Would you like it?
Pee-Wee Herman: Uh, No sir. I mean, No Officer!
Officer Gerald: I'll let you go this time. But next time, You are going to JAIL!
Pee-Wee Herman: There will not be a next time. I just learned my lesson, honestly.
— From the rainy day episode when Randy made Pee-Wee make a prank phone call. When Pee-Wee called the female stranger, it was revealed that she is married to a police officer.
Roger: Hello, My name is Roger.
Pee-Wee Herman: Hello, Roger. I am Pee-Wee. And this is Conky, Chairy, Globey, Pterri, Magic Screen, Mr. Window, and Randy.
—From the Monster in the Playhouse episode.
Cyndi Lauper: Come on in (Music winds down)
Pee-Wee Herman: Oh, Ha-ha! I just totally forgot, We are going to remodel the playhouse. Ha-ha! (Winks)
— From the first episode of Season 2, Open House. The full opening sequence is not shown.
Pee-Wee Herman: (In pain from the toothache) HELP!!!!!! JAMBI! HELP!!!! (Pounding on Jambi's box) JAMBI!!! HELP!!! (Continues on pounding on Jambi's box until it opens and it reveals an answering maching)
The Answering Maching: (With Jambi's recorded voice) Hello, I am not here to grant your wish right now. So, Please leave your name and wish and I will come back to grant it as soon as I can. (BEEP!) (Box closes)
—From the episode To Tell the Tooth.
Ricardo: Look what I got, Nice piece of foil for your foil ball.
Pee-Wee Herman: Oh, I hate to tell you, Ricardo. But my foil ball got so huge, I could not keep it in the house.
*Everybody screams when the word HOUSE flashes*
Ricardo: What did you do, Pee-Wee?
Pee-Wee Herman: I donated it to the Museums of Foil art. But now, I have a rubberband ball.
Ricardo: That's great because I have a rubber band ball.
Pee-Wee Herman: Let's see how big my rubber band ball is today?
— In the Open House episode, Pee-Wee tells Ricardo that he doesn't have a foil ball anymore.
Randy: I'll set the oven to 700 degrees, And the bread will be ready in half the time.
Pterri: But Randy, Pee-Wee said we were not supposed to touch the oven.
Randy: Now you told me. Well, too late!
— Pterri told Randy not to touch the oven
Pterri: (Screaming in a panic)
Pee-Wee Herman: Pterri, That's enough screaming for the secret word!
Pterri: NO! It's not that, Pee-Wee. LOOK! (Screams in a panic as the alarm sounds as Pee-Wee runs into the kitchen)
Conky 2000: FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
Pee-Wee Herman: THERE'S A FIRE IN THE PLAYHOUSE!
— Pterri goes in a panic attack about the fire in the playhouse.
Derrick: (To the other firefighters) Okay, We will see you back in the station. (To Pee-Wee Herman and Miss Yvonne) Hey guys, I'm Firefighter Derrick, Are you alright?
Pee-Wee Herman and Miss Yvonne: Uh-Huh!
Derrick: Well, There wasn't really a fire. Just a lot of smoke. And smoke can be as dangerous as a fire. And here is how it started. (Shows them the burned bread)
Miss Yvonne: Oh no! My bread!
Derrick: Sorry, I love homemade bread!
Pee-Wee Herman: Gee, Derrick. I don't know how a bread could burn like this?
Derrick: Well, just about everything burns like this at 700 degrees.
Miss Yvonne: 700 degrees, But I set the oven to 350, Didn't I, Pee-Wee?
Pee-Wee Herman: Yeah, Who could have done it?
Derrick: Well, somebody turned it all the way up.
Randy: So, is the bread ready, yet?
Pee-Wee Herman: Uh, no! Randy, The bread is burned because somebody turned the temperature way up on the oven. Do you got any idea stupid like who could have done it?
Randy: (somewhat guilty) Ummm... me?
Pee-Wee Herman: Randy, You know you were not supposed to touch the oven.
Randy: Well, I am sorry about the bread. I'll go to the bakery and get you another one.
Everybody: (Screaming as the word "ONE" flashes on the screen)
Pee-Wee Herman: Randy, I don't care about the bread, I care about the safety in the playhouse.
—Everybody in rage with Randy after setting the playhouse on fire.
*Roosevelt barks to Pee-Wee*
Pee-Wee Herman: What is it, Roosevelt?
*Roosevelt barks to Pee-Wee what happened*
Pee-Wee Herman: WHAT?!? Randy has been teasing everyone. And what, He unplugged Conky and got the secret word. And now everybody has to bark whenever somebody says the secret word?!? (To Randy, Angrily) RANDY, YOU RUINEND THE WHOLE SHOW! WAY TO GO!
*Everybody barks as the word GO flashes*
Randy: I am so sorry. About.
Pee-Wee Herman: YOU COME BACK HERE, RIGHT NOW! And you need to apologize to everybody. And repeat after me: I will never ever ever ever do this again!
Randy: I will never ever ever ever what's the last part?
Pee-Wee Herman: Do this again!
Randy: Do this again!
—From the episode Sick? Did Somebody Say Sick?
Derrick: Then you should make sure the playhouse is fire safe.
Pee-Wee Herman: Well, How do we do it, Firefighter Derrick?
Derrick: Conduct fire alarms. To make sure everybody know where and how to exit the house quickly in the event of a fire. And you should have smoke detectors placed through out your home. To warn you in if there is smoke or fire.
Miss Yvonne: I have a smoke detector, In my bedroom.
Derrick: Remember to test them once a month to see if it's in good working order. (We see Pee-Wee Herman test the smoke detector) Replace frayed electrical cords, And don't overload your socket. Get rid of rubbish. And make sure all flammable stuff are stored in a safe place away from the heat. And remember: You never, ever play with matches.
Pee-Wee Herman: Is there anymore to say, Derrick?
Derrick: Yes, a lot of information are found at your local fire department. (He gives Pee-Wee Herman a sticker with his phone number) Here is my phone number. Place that sticker near your telephone.
— At the end of the Fire in the Playhouse, As Firefighter Derrick gives everybody a lecture on fire safety.
Conky: PEE-WEE!
Pee-Wee Herman: What is it, Conky?
Conky: I DON'T FEEL SO GREAT!
*Everybody screams as the word GREAT flashes*
Conky: No, Really. Something is wrong! I don't feel very well (winds down)
Pee-Wee Herman: (Gasp) Conky?!?
Clocky: Maybe he is a little rundown. It happened to me sometimes.
Pee-Wee Herman: No, Clocky. I just charged him up.
Globey: Maybe we can give some chicken noodle soup.
Fish 1: Maybe we can give him a drink of water.
Fish 2: It always work with us.
*Both fish laughs*
Chairy: I think he should sit down and rest.
Conky 2000: Thanks everybody. But those things are not right for me (winds down)
*We see Mrs. Rene do karate chop*
Mrs. Rene: Hello, Pee-Wee. I am having some mathematics problem. I was wonder if Conky can help calculate it.
Pee-Wee Herman: I don't know, Mrs. Rene. Conky is not feeling very well.
Mrs. Rene: Well, This morning, I changed a lightbulb, All by myself. Conky, could you move for Mrs. Rene, At a boy. (As she opens the back panel) I see there's an OUCH!
Pee-Wee Herman: What's the matter?
Mrs. Rene: Oh, I broke a nail. I see the problem right here. On the red wire, Nope. Maybe it's the blue wire. (Pulls a wire)
Pee-Wee Herman: Mrs. Rene, Do you know what you're doing?
Mrs. Rene: Well, I think so. I got to go. I don't want to late for my karate lesson. Goodbye, Pee-Wee and goodbye, Conky. I hope you feel better soon.
*As Mrs. Rene left, Conky sparks*
Pee-Wee Herman: CONKY?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
—When Conky complains he is not feeling well.
Chairy: The playhouse won't be the same without Conky.
Floory: The playhouse won't be the same? What do you mean?
Mr. Window: No more secret words?
Pee-Wee Herman: Well, I don't want to have a playhouse without secret word. Conky, I want to help but I don't know what to do?
Globey: Why don't you read the Conky's owner manual guide?
Pee-Wee Herman: Say, Where can it be? (Mind struck his head) I KNOW, THE BATHROOM!
—As they figure out where to find the guide to fixing Conky 2000.
Johnny the Conky 2000 Repair man: PEE-WEE?!? WE ARE READY!
*Pee-Wee comes to see Conky 2000 as Johnny Turns him on, It works and everybody cheered with a happy fanfare*
Pee-Wee Herman: How do you feel, Conky?
Conky 2000: I feel great!
*Everybody screams as the word GREAT flashes*
Pee-Wee Herman: What was wrong with Conky 2000?
Johnny the Conky 2000 Repair man: It was nothing serious. He just needed a little tune up.
—From the episode, Conky's Breakdown.
