Quotes / No OSHA Compliance

Comic Books

"Like I tell ya, Mr. Kent - the company knows that this vinyl chloride we work with may cause cancer - It knows that some of the guys are dying 'cause they work with the stuff - yet they don't do nuthin' -! No safety standards - No special benefits - Nuthin!"

— Krypton No More

Fan Works

"How come they never put safety rails around these bottomless pits?"
"Health & Safety studies showed that more people were injured leaping over the rails waving light sabers."

— Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space

Literature

"I'm gonna need a tetanus shot just looking at all this."

— Doug Moreau, Parellity

Live-Action TV

"Look, mate, if you turn a wall with a burning fire in it, the 'effect' you'll get is a room full of smoke. I can't rotate the chimney mate. It's down to health and safety. Look, if you want to rotate this wall, here's what you need to do: fireplace decommissioned; yellow and black edging around all moving sections; clear, well lit signage stating 'Warning. This Wall May Revolve'..."

— Builder, That Mitchell and Webb Look

"Last year, flaws in our safety grates resulted in roughly one clown villain every three months."

— Emily (in a pitch to ACE Chemicals), Powerless (2017)

"You can only pressure your people to cut corners so many times, and put pressure on them to keep to schedule, uh, so many times, and put dollars ahead of safety so many times before something will go terribly wrong, like it did in this Nationair crash."

— Andrew McIntosh, discussing Nigeria Airways Flight 2120, Mayday

"[My father] somehow had enough time to get a bit of extra clothing on, and he was wearing a life jacket, but it was actually a pad front and back with straps around it. I'm not sure if that would have even passed today's, uh... Coast Guard standards."

— Clayton Burry, son of an Ocean Ranger victim, Disasters of the Century

Music

"I've worked among the spinners, I've breathed in the oily smoke
I've shovelled up the gypsum and it nigh-on makes you choke
I've stood knee-deep in cyanide, gone sick with a caustic burn
Been working rough and seen enough to make your stomach turn"

— "The Chemical Worker's Song", Ron Angel

Tieni la testa alta quando passi vicino alla gru^note Keep your head up when you pass by the crane
Perché può capitare che si stacchi e venga giù^note Because it might end up snapping and falling down on you

— Caparezza, "Vieni A Ballare In Puglia"

Stand-Up Comedy

[T]hey're all sweaty, and they're rockin' out in a factory that apparently manufactures sparks — like, that's all it makes, just sparks.

— Patton Oswalt, on the common locations of 80's Hair Metal music videos

Video Games

I'm serious now! Where is your manager? Is he on break?! This factory should be shut down! Nothing here is up to code!

— Anakin Skywalker, LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga, Attack of the Clones

"Attention, maintenance and safety crews: you are fired. Before leaving, please make your workplace as unsafe as possible. With any luck, the trespasser will fall to his death... or be burned alive by flame jets... or crushed by giant pistons. Thank you for your understanding."

— Hen Long, Marlow Briggs and the Mask of Death

Shepard: Not even a guard rail. I bet the Broker's agents love patrolling the hull.
Liara: At least the view is nice.

— Mass Effect 2, Lair of the Shadow Broker

"Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out because you are fired!"

— Cave Johnson, Portal 2

"We seem to be losing pressure on Level 17. Please hold your breath against the harsh vacuum of space until you pass out from oxygen starvation. After that, you won't care. Enjoy the ride!"

"Welcome to the Exotic Aquarium! Any water you may notice on the floor is the result of our diligent staff's mopping, and not evidence of a dangerous leak in the—oh heck with it, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"Welcome to the Asteroid Coaster! Accident-free for 45 minutes!"

— Dr. Eggman, Sonic Colors

"'Polenta Station!' It was a kid's cooking show with NO adult supervision! The food was terrible, everything was sticky, and there were so many lawsuits! So many!"

—Random dialogue from a Lazy villager, Animal Crossing: New Horizons

"Sir Giant Pink Lizard, you're under arrest! As the owner of this boss-level castle, it's your obligation to make sure all platforms are fully accessible to disabled people!"

— You Only Live Once

"It has been 0 days since our last accident."

— A translator log in the level "Foundry Tarydium Plant", Unreal Mission Pack: Return to Na Pali

"Why do Daedra never install guardrails? It's like they want Zur to step into bottomless chasm and fall to his death. Zur has mentioned how much he hates heights, yes?"

— Zur, The Elder Scrolls Online

Webcomics

"How come there are so many narrow bridges with no guard rails?"

— Irregular Webcomic!, oh, so often

"Who built this, and are they in prison yet?"

— Captain Sorlie, Schlock Mercenary

Ben: He fell over a railing?

GM: Yes.

Ben: There was a railing?

Annie: I can see now why they don't usually bother.

— Darths & Droids

"I played the part of a beaten man, resigned to the sanctuary of his work. I made myself indispensable, and all the while I laid the ground work of my revenge. I installed a weakness in the Peace Moon, deep within the system. No railings. Anywhere. Clone troopers will fall to their deaths by the thousands."

— Galen Erso, Darths & Droids (non-canon strip)

"But these guys barely are [evil]! Have you noticed how they keep to the fire code? And what's with all these railings? No diabolical lair should be safe!"

— Dr. Botz, Cassiopeia Quinn, Ch. 13 p. 16

"I understand my children may die a gruesome death and it will be 100% my fault and what was I even thinking bringing them to this death trap?! I should have just stayed home forever and kept them in a box. What a horrible parent I am! (Sign now or your children will cry.)"

— Waiver for an indoor playground (or at least Fran's mental interpretation of it), Litterbox Comics, "So Fun"

Web Original

"So, you know, the lesson here is you should store your rocket fuel in good, sturdy containers."

— Cracked, "6 Tiny Mistakes That Caused Apocalyptic Explosions"

"Unlike other teams, the Bills don't simply hurt you emotionally. You really do get maimed or killed if you enter the stadium. They should have a yellow warning sign in the concourse that says DANGER: FALLING DRUNK PEOPLE."

— Deadspin, "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Buffalo Bills"

"Remember in the wonderful Star Trek parody Galaxy Quest when Jason and Gwen are exploring the ship and they come across a massive set of chompers in the heart of the craft that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever but to create some false jeopardy? Doctor Who has flirted with the idea before (the giant fans in "The End of the World" might have served a purpose... but boy they were ridiculously giant!) but never quite as obviously as the flagpoles that come shooting out of the wall in this story for no sensible purpose. Things were getting a little slow so it feels like they are there to toss another obstacle in the way, albeit one that has been given no thought as to its purpose."

— Joe Ford on Doctor Who, "Journey to the Center of the TARDIS"

"The epic steel factory fight is filled with deadly stunts. Jackie is attacked by glowing red-hot steel poles. Giant metal barrels are dropped centimeters from his dong, which may be confusing since that means 'Smith' in China. And then Jackie gets kicked onto a holy-shit-real pit of hot coals... Luckily, safety rails are for capitalists, so he only had to make a 10-inch jump to get to non-flaming land."

— Seanbaby, "The 6 Most Needlessly Dangerous Jackie Chan Stunts"

"This is like re-starting the Skynet program and putting HAL 9000 in charge of it. I mean, does no one see even the possibility of a problem of letting an artificial intelligence run a group of unquestioning/nearly indestructible killing machines? To top it all off, the base is sitting on a store of biological weaponry. So if anything did go wrong, there was no chance to bomb the base from the air, stopping the soldiers from rebelling. Too... stupid... for words... THE PAIN!!!"

— Miles Antwiler on Universal Soldier: The Return

"My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them."

— Peter's Evil Overlord List, #87

Dr. Archer: The first one is on a geth ship while the second is inside a lab in the middle of a lava river...
Shepard: You built a lab in the middle of a lava river?
Dr. Archer: We thought, "what could possibly go wrong"?

— Mess Perfect 2

Web Video

"Mr. Johnson I think you'll be pleased with our design for the U.N.N. Paper Mache. We've filled it with those cursed ancient artifacts they've found in the blood of murdered children. Also the computer has less security than you'd use for a 'Give a Penny, Take a Penny' tray. Oh and we've scheduled terrifying experiments on the ship to give the crew something to do."

— SFDebris on System Shock 2

Rich: This might be the first time in Star Wars that we've seen a railing.
Mike: Although Carrie Fisher did lots of rails. (rimshot)

— Best of the Worst on The Star Wars Holiday Special

"Obi-Wan seeks Yoda's help in finding Kamino 'cause it ain't in the records. He interrupts Yoda teachin' a class... it's like a crowded public school or somethin'. All the kids are wearing these stupid helmets and deflecting lasers shot at them by from a ball that Luke used in the original Star Wars... But, like, they could easily cut one another, right? Why aren't you doing this in a really large gym where everyone can spread out? And aren't they a little young to be handling lightsabers? I mean, look how clumsy the kids are holding them, when Yoda's standing like two feet away!"

— Mr. Plinkett, "George Lucas Ruins the Force and the Lightsaber All in One Scene"

"Ah, a radioactive spill. Part of me wants to believe we're not this criminally incompetent, but I know better."

— Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

"Man, we've picked the wrong contractor to build these catwalks. 'El Sleazo's Discount Construction: Bribing Building Inspectors for Over Forty Years'."

— Gordon Freeman, again

You’ll fall in, burn your skin
In a world of safety violations
My factory has no health regulations
We don’t really brew candy right
We just toss some shoes into it
Every surface someone’s chewed it
Our chocolate river is mixed with sewage!

— “The 'This Factory is a Lawsuit Waiting to Happen' Song” from the Honest Trailers for Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (to the tune of "Pure Imagination")

Graham: This looks like an armageddon factory! What do they make here?

Paul: Fire.

— Unskippable, on the opening of Fable III

"[...] I put my life on the line, too! You ever try sweeping the Pit Arena? It's a dinky bridge over a five hundred foot drop and the whole place is lit by nothing but moonlight. OSHA would crap their pants if they ever saw that place."

— Senior Janitor, Mortal Kombat Janitors by The Warp Zone.

Western Animation

Imperial #1: So anyway, I says "Forget the dental plan, forget sick leave, I just want a railing! You know? One railing! Right here!"
Imperial #2: I know. I've almost fallen over that thing so many times.

—Family Guy Presents: Laugh It Up, Fuzzball on the Death Star superlaser

"I worked b-briefly with Fischler after university. He had a tendency to compromise safety for the sake of p-pretty much everything."

— Brains, Thunderbirds Are Go

Cyril: There's gotta be a switch to get a laser bridge, or something... Why people build dangerous ravines in spaceships is beyond me.

—Archer: 1999, "Space Pirates"

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