TSA Agent Dennis: NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.
Tony: Only if you're dyslexic.
Gibbs: Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine. Grab your gear!
Kate: I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret!
Gibbs: Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.
Gibbs: Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.
Ziva: [at the copy machine] Die, you stupid machine!
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.
McGee: She seems unfazed.
Tony: Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, McGee. She's fine.
Franks: My brother and I married the same woman twice.
Gibbs: Twice?
Franks: She was a hell of a woman, Probie!
Gibbs: Twice?
Franks: She was a hell of a woman, Probie!
Tony: Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank.
Tim: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real. And you don’t disappoint me.
Abby: That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank.
Tim: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real. And you don’t disappoint me.
Ziva: What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...cat?
Tony: You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem.
Saleem: You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie, and I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?
*BLAM*
Saleem: You're still bound. You're lying.
Tony: I can't lie, and I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?
*BLAM*
Ziva: Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier!
Abby and McGee: Of course it was.
Abby and McGee: Of course it was.
[after surviving a car bomb]
Tony: Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [Beat] I lied.
Tony: Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [Beat] I lied.
Gibbs: What seems to be the problem, Marine?
Cpl. Werth: ...
Gibbs: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?!
Cpl. Werth: I want to kill someone, sir!
Cpl. Werth: ...
Gibbs: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?!
Cpl. Werth: I want to kill someone, sir!
Gibbs: Tony, it could have been us every damn day of the week. Sometimes it has been. You want to worry about something, worry about tomorrow.
McGee: [to DiNozzo] What are you in, some kind of 12-step program for recovering mysogynists?
Gibbs' Rules, 0 - 51
- Never Screw Over Your Partner.
- Never let suspects stay together.
- Always wear gloves at a crime scene.
- Never be unreachable.
- Don't believe what you're told; double check.
- If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third best.
- You don't waste good.
- Never say you're sorry, it is a sign of weakness.
- Always be specific when you lie.
- Never take anything for granted.
- Never go anywhere without a knife.
- Never get personally involved on a case.
- When the job is done, walk away.
- Never date a coworker.
- Never, ever involve lawyers.
- Bend the Line, don't break it.
- Always work as a team.
- If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.
- —-
- It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
- —-
- Always look under.
- —-
- Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation.
- Never mess with a marine's coffee, if you want to live.
- —-
- —-
- —-
- Two ways to follow someone: either they never notice you, or they only notice you.
- If you need help, ask.
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- Always watch the watchers.
- If it feels like you're being played, you probably are.
- —-
- Your case, your lead.
- No such thing as a coincidence.
- If it feels like someone is out to get you, they are.
- —-
- Don't ever accept an apology from someone who just sucker-punched you.
- —-
- First things first, hide the women and children.
- Always clean up your mess.
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- Sometimes, you're wrong.
Gibbs' Rules, 52 -
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- Always give people space when they get off an elevator.
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man.
- —-
- —-
- Always be open to new things.
- Never meet your heroes.
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- When you walk away, don't look back.
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- —-
- Never tell Gibbs he's being audited.
