Brave men die a single death; cowards marry fish-head mermaids!
"Would it be weird for you, if I touched your fishy half? I know it would be for me..."
— Flight of the Conchords, "Mermaid"
The Little Mermaid's Little Sister
was also partly girl and cod
though in a way which those who kissed her
found odd.
...But which, well worth to mention,
though at first sight absurd,
I, with my fond intention,
preferred.
was also partly girl and cod
though in a way which those who kissed her
found odd.
...But which, well worth to mention,
though at first sight absurd,
I, with my fond intention,
preferred.
— Piet Hein
"Where does the mermaid hide her purse?"
Look at my face, check out my chest
Wouldn't you say clamshell bras are the best?
Lookin' around me, you'd think "Sure, I could tap that"
But as you know, I'm a merfolk
And so I'm a fish down below
You want great human looks? I've got half.
But who cares? No big deal. I want more...
Wouldn't you say clamshell bras are the best?
Lookin' around me, you'd think "Sure, I could tap that"
But as you know, I'm a merfolk
And so I'm a fish down below
You want great human looks? I've got half.
But who cares? No big deal. I want more...
—Out of Bounds, to the tune of Part of Your World
There's that old joke about mermaids: "She's beautiful — thirty-four, twenty-six, and seventeen-and-six a pound."
— Paul Merton, Have I Got News for You
So over I jumped and she pulled me down down to her seaweed bed
And the pillow made of tortoise shell she placed beneath my head
She fed me shrimps and caviar upon the silver dish
From her head to her waist she was my taste but the bottom part was a fish
Oh her hair were green as seaweed her eyes were blue and pale
And I loved that girl with all my heart I vowed we'd never part
But I knew the back was not too smart cause I did not like the tail
And the pillow made of tortoise shell she placed beneath my head
She fed me shrimps and caviar upon the silver dish
From her head to her waist she was my taste but the bottom part was a fish
Oh her hair were green as seaweed her eyes were blue and pale
And I loved that girl with all my heart I vowed we'd never part
But I knew the back was not too smart cause I did not like the tail
— Shel Silverstein, "The Mermaid"
Neither will fry, nor will fuck.
— from the Internet
"If we see any mermaids, I'm gonna ask them where their mer-ginas are."
—Tina, Bob's Burgers
John: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?
Jade: what do you mean
John: i mean...
John: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.
Jade: uh
Jade: so
John: a GHOST BUTT, jade!
Jade: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!
John: i'm just saying...
Jade: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!
Jade: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!
[...]
Jade: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...
John: no!!!
Cat: I have another girlfriend who's a mermaid. She's half woman, half fish!
(woman emerges from a nearby lake with a fish torso atop human legs)
Holly: Somehow I imagined she'd be a woman on top and a fish on the bottom.
Cat: No! That's the stupid way around.
Umbriel: What the hell is that?
Fry: Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail and all?
Umbriel: I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave, and you release your fertilizer.
(Fry gains a horrified expression; cut to him bolting from her house)
Fry: Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom?!
—Futurama, "The Deep South"
“How’n the hell do you fuck a mermaid? Fish ain’t got vaginas, last time I checked.”
— Frances Healy, We Both Go Down Together
