Quotes / Meatgrinder Surgery

"Who needs a real doctor when you got my machines and their scary needles?"

— Doctor Zed, Borderlands 2

Calvin: OK, JACK, TIME FOR YOUR LOBOTOMY!! Hand me a big spoon, will you, Hobbes?
Hobbes: Ugh! No anesthetic even.

— Calvin and Hobbes, while carving a pumpkin

"Our general attitude around here is that we want to play par surgery on this course. Par is a live patient. We're not sweet swingers, and if we've gotta kick it in with our knees to get a par that's how we do it."

— Hawkeye, MASH

Hawkeye: I wouldn't operate on your horse under these conditions.
Col. Potter: My horse wouldn't be caught dead in here.

— M*A*S*H

Man: Mr. Jones? We've come for you liver.
Mr. Jones: But I'm using it right now.

— Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

Heavy: Should I be awake for this?
Medic: [laughs] Well, no. But as long as you are, could you hold your rib cage open a bit?

— Team Fortress 2

"Right, first I'll take those teef out for yer, dat should help ease da pain in yer leg. Grokkit, 'and me dat wrench. Now then... Open wide, an' say... AAARGH!"

— Ork Dok Gutslash, Warhammer 40,000

Tagon: Whaaa... she did that with knives? It looks like a bomb went off.
Chelle: Watch! She's going to reassemble all three of those guys, minus the fifty-seven bullets they had in them.

— Schlock Mercenary, on Neeka

"Want to see your severed arm? ...Heh heh, he passed out."

— Black Jack

Yor: Did you get to see Loid perform his incredible concussive therapy?
Anya: His what?
Loid: Now, Yor, that's only for extreme circumstances...
Yor: The way he punches and kicks and leg sweeps his patients is absolutely incredible!

— Spy X Family, a psychiatry variant of this trope

"Yep, I like to keep all the blood on me! That way you know I'm workin' hard!"

— "Doctors in the 1800's" by Kyle Gordon