"Hi! I'm your video DJ. I always talk like I'm wigged out on Quaaludes! I wear a satin baseball jacket everywhere I go. My job is to help destroy what's left of your imagination by feeding you endless doses of sugar-coated mindless garbage. So don't create. Be sedate! Be a vegetable at home and thwack on that dial! If we have our way, even you will believe this is the future of rock and roll!"
What happened to integrity?
I don't see it on MTV
All I see is choreography
And I'll never be a dancer
I don't see it on MTV
All I see is choreography
And I'll never be a dancer
—Goldfinger, "Spokesman"
"Wow, that was a real moment. That's weird for MTV."
Joel McHale: "Hey, ya know what else is weird for MTV? Showing a music video."
"There's no bloody music on the network anymore! Yes, I'm aware this is an age-old complaint, but the word "music" is right there in the name of the channel, you loathsome cretins. At the very least, stop being disingenuous and just go ahead change the name of the network from MTV to Road Rules-Pimp My Ride-and-Intoxicated-College-Students-Doing-Disgusting-Stunts-for-No-Pay-but-Rather-Because-Someone-Shoved-a-Camera-in-Their-Faces TV."
—Stewie Griffin in his rant "Why MTV is the Root of All Evil," Stewie's Guide to World Domination
"[MTV]'ve been celebrating their 30th anniversary. I don't know why they bother. MTV is not what MTV was. It's like the Oklahoma City Thunder celebrating their years as the Seattle Supersonics. One is not the other, so why even pretend?"''
''"The worst television is MTV. 'Music Television' — they call it that, they don't even play music. What if everybody did that? 'Hey, thanks for calling New York Pizza. 'Yeah give me two large pepperoni pizzas.' 'Oh, we don't sell pizza.' What?' "No, we just have raccoon hats and eye patches. Call a bookstore if you're hungry.'
"Not everything you're told is true. MTV: We Don't Play Music."
—MTV campaign from September 2005. No, seriously.
