"There's a Mr. B. Al. Zebub here to see you, sir. He says he's a big fan of your work."
— Secretary, Speed Bump
Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game
— The Rolling Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil"
Head Vampire's Assistant: Coach Feratu's presence was discovered by the humans. He has been destroyed.
Head Vampire: No bother... the mortals shall soon— (double-take) I-I'm sorry, what'd you say his name was?
Head Vampire's Assistant: Coach Feratu.
Head Vampire: Coach Feratu? That was his real name, like his actual vampire name?
Head Vampire's Assistant: No, no, no, his vampire name was Balik Alistane.
Head Vampire: Why the fuck would he name himself after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit?
Head Vampire's Assistant: I do not know, Your Unholiness.
Head Vampire: Jesus fucking Christ! From now on, no more of this "clever name" bullshit! When a vampire's trying to be human, they can just call themselves "Allen Jefferson" or something like that! (looks back at hooded acolytes) It's crazy, right? I mean, am I being an asshole? (turns back and looks around the chamber) Okay, I feel like everyone in the room is looking at me like I'm the buzzkill. (turns back to glare at the acolytes, who hurriedly shake their heads) I'm not? Good, okay, great.
Head Vampire: No bother... the mortals shall soon— (double-take) I-I'm sorry, what'd you say his name was?
Head Vampire's Assistant: Coach Feratu.
Head Vampire: Coach Feratu? That was his real name, like his actual vampire name?
Head Vampire's Assistant: No, no, no, his vampire name was Balik Alistane.
Head Vampire: Why the fuck would he name himself after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit?
Head Vampire's Assistant: I do not know, Your Unholiness.
Head Vampire: Jesus fucking Christ! From now on, no more of this "clever name" bullshit! When a vampire's trying to be human, they can just call themselves "Allen Jefferson" or something like that! (looks back at hooded acolytes) It's crazy, right? I mean, am I being an asshole? (turns back and looks around the chamber) Okay, I feel like everyone in the room is looking at me like I'm the buzzkill. (turns back to glare at the acolytes, who hurriedly shake their heads) I'm not? Good, okay, great.
I went to the doctor, but all he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula.
Jessie McClain: Lou Cifer? Oh! Lucifer! That's cool!
Stan: Well, you know every attorney is a devil in disguise.
Stan: Well, you know every attorney is a devil in disguise.
