Quotes / Less Disturbing in Context

"Jory, your penis is still on fire."

— Jonathan Paula, Is It a Good Idea to Microwave a Dildo?

"Hitler is number one!"

— Stephen Colbert

"Don't worry! I always carry a fresh jar of boy's urine, just in case."

— Nigel the Medieval Paramedic, Horrible Histories ^note In Medieval times, boy's urine was used to cure Ringworm. No, seriously.

"I LOVE LUCIFER! I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU!"

— TechN9ne, Devil Boy

"You seem to be a freshly-severed head."

— I Am Maru, (English translation)

Chuggaaconroy: I feel like strangling a puppy!

ProtonJon: SO DO I!

— The Runaway Guys, in the first episode of their Let's Play of Mario Party^note They're actually talking about their "multiple failed recordings".

I know that I should probably go to jail for this, but... DUDE! MY MOM IS HOT!

— Chuggaaconroy, in his LP of Pokémon Black and White^note He means the Player Character's mother, not his own.

"I decapitated Larry King."

— Dipper Pines, Gravity Falls, "Headhunters" ^note A living wax statue of Larry King that was trying to kill him and Mabel earlier with his fellow wax statues.

"Juicer than pigeon meat? I'm listening."

— Jim Sparkletooth, The Casagrandes

Earl Sinclair: And how's my little guy this morning?
Baby Sinclair: I DON'T KNOW WHY I MARRIED YOU!
(Hits his father in the head with a frying pan)

— Dinosaurs Baby was doing a very comical imitation of his often stressed and sardonic mother, and him hitting Earl on the head with a frying pan is a Running Gag for the series.

"I’m probably the only wife on the planet that can come home to a sink full of bloody clothing and knives and think nothing of it."

— Mrs. Rolfe

"FANTASTICALLY moist."

— Derek the Bard, continuing from an earlier post

"It has fallen upon you to finish what began in Auschwitz."

— Sofi, The Unborn ^note Jumby, the spirit that serves as the film's villain, was born from the tormented souls in Auschwitz.

"This is what happens when you're unhappy with what you got. Someone's husband eventually gets it."

— Chilli Heeler, Bluey ^note A squabble between her daughters resulted in one of the garden gnomes she was going to buy, which her younger daughter pretended was her husband, falling out of their shopping cart, and shattering on the floor.

Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death

— Fark.com headline

Stewie: Oh! We did it, Brian! We made 9/11 happen, high five!

Brian: Alright, yeah, high five!

Stewie: Yeah, alright!

— Family Guy, "Back to the Pilot"

"Wow, this game is so fun! You get to suck and hump everything!"

— Becky, Video Games Awesome!

"You haven't died yet? There must be something very wrong..."

— Fluttershy, Turnabout Storm ^note She's speaking to Phoenix Wright. She thinks he's an actual phoenix—and that judging by his looks, he's about to reincarnate.

Life is alright in America
If you are white in America
Here you are free and you have pride
Long as you stay on your own side

— West Side Story, America ^note This is a Call-and-Response Song between a type 1 and a type 2 Eaglelander.

"Can it be!? NAZIS! A blessing from the heavens!"

— The Fat Mann reviewing Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade for the Sega Genesis. ^note He has been encountering generic cowboys and Indians through out the game, and was enthused that he finally encounters something that actually had something to do with Indiana Jones.

As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off!"

— George Carlin ^note He was giving an example of a sentence no one had ever said.

Kill
Just for the thrill
Over the Rockford Hills
And I don't think I'll stop until
A lot more blood is spilled

— The Warp Zone, "Jacking Cars" ^note Talking about playing Grand Theft Auto.

Shut up! At least the bunnies are on fire.

— Mac, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends ^note Bloo and Cheese couldn't agree on whether the soapbox car they made should be decorated with hot rod flames or bunnies, so Mac got them to compromise by decorating it with flaming bunnies, much to Bloo's annoyance.

I turned back towards Emily to see her… er, naked. Yeah, there was no way to say that without it sounding weird. Just remember the context please.

— Yeah, It Needed More Ponies

[Danny is on the phone, scribbling frantically with a pen that is out of ink, trying to get it to write]
Danny: [angrily] OH, FUCK ME!
Guy on Phone: Excuse me?
Danny: I said "fuck me".

— The Tourettes Guy ^note His pen ran out of ink, but he's on the phone, making it seem like a request to the other person.

Hold your fire! This man isn't Black!

— Future Trunks, Dragon Ball Super Episode 56 ^note Soldiers mistook Goku for his Evil Twin Goku Black.

Big brother I want you to give me your big juicy thick c**k and drench me with your hot sticky c** until I'm gasping for air!

— Sena, Haganai NEXT Episode 2 ^note Yozora forced her to read a line from her H-Game to prove It's Not Porn, It's Art.

Remember when airplane hijackings were totally popular? All the coolest kids would go straight home from school and hijack an airplane. They couldn't wait, they were that into it. Then the backlash happened, and even the biggest fans of hijacking airplanes were embarrassed, playing it off as a lame phase they went through before moving on to the real cool terrorist crime, which was flying planes into buildings. Remember that? Guys? Remember?

— HighCrate on This Very Wiki^note explaining in the Condemned by History cleanup thread his reasoning for cutting airline hijackings

Anonymous: your husband seems like a dick kill him. also does ghosts still exist?
wondyrwoman: he is a dick and killing him is on my list, but he's attractive so i'm going to get one more kid out of him. i'm not sure on the ghost front, i guess we'll find out after i kill my husband and put his gravestone in my backyard
itseasytoremember: YOU NEED TO MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS THAT THIS IS ABOUT THE SIMS

— Tumblr

If she had told me her parents had drowned, I'd be the happiest man in the world!

— Roy Trenneman, The It Crowd^note Said parents died in a fire at SeaWorld. He's spent a lot of time speculating how this could even be possible.

Frasier: Yes, well, Niles was getting on my nerves, so I had to go in and steal his ovaries.
(Daphne walks by)
Daphne: Now there's a conversation I'm glad I missed the beginning of!

— Frasier

At least the Fresh Prince kidnapped a 12-year-old and got arrested!

— Todd in the Shadows, "ONE HIT WONDERLAND: 'Bust a Move' by Young MC" ^note Todd was discussing Young MC's "Principal's Office", and compared it with Will Smith's similar comedy rap song "Parents Just Don't Understand". He criticizes Young MC's song on the grounds that his stories are all too weird to be relatable but not weird enough to be funny, whereas Smith went all out and made his stories of getting in trouble as outlandishly exaggerated as he could get away with.

Larry: "What's that on your nose?"

Spongebob: "White stuff."

— Spongebob Squarepants, "Sponge Guard on Duty" ^note The white stuff was ice cream, and Larry thought it was sunscreen.

Well, I can't make love to a bush!

— Lina Lamont, Singin' in the Rain ^note She's talking about the older meaning of "make love", meaning to flirt. The director is telling her to say her romantic lines to a bush prop.

Thaddeus, I'll take you over my knee, so help me!

— Betty, The Petri Dish ^note Thaddeus is her adult son; she's making a joke because he's way too big to be "taken over her knee".

The dog's got my wiener!

— D.W. Read, Arthur, "Sick as a Dog" ^note She's a girl actually, and Pal the dog had stolen her sausage.

This guy thinks I work for Ganon? I'll calm his fears by throwing bombs at him.

— Joshua MacDougall, Really Freakin' Clever, "64 Things WRONG With Ocarina of Time: Part 5" ^note He's trying to stop a Goron child from rolling so he could obtain the Goron Tunic from him.

We're just here to kill her. We mean you no harm.

— Christianne, Protectors of the Plot Continuum ^note The woman she and her girlfriend were there to kill belonged to an Always Chaotic Evil group.

Anytime I miss you, I'm gonna bake you and eat you!

— Linda Mitchell to Katie Mitchell, The Mitchells vs. the Machines ^note She's talking about making cupcakes with icing decorations of her daughter's face while she's away at college.

Lucy! You got blood all over my school project!

— Lincoln Loud, The Loud House, "Back in Black" ^note It was fake blood.

You were with your other love on our ANNIVERSARY?!

— Lori Loud, The Casagrandes, "Flee Market" ^note She was referring to her boyfriend's workplace as his "other love".

I dug a hole in the sand for Grandma.

— Little Critter, "Just Grandma and Me" ^note They were at the beach and he buried her.

Killing makes me feel good.

— This parody of the Ghostbusters theme ^note They meant killing germs.

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