Quotes / Kissing Cousins

Douglas Cooper: Y'all sleeping together?
Shirley Kelso: We're cousins!
Douglas Cooper: Well, from all the lotions, condoms, and devices I saw sitting on your nightstand, it's clear you're sleeping with somebody.
Dupree: [beat] Well, it ain't like we're first cousins or anything...

— Justified, "Riverbrook"

George Michael: Cousins can bunk together. That's why they call it "bunking cousins".
Lindsay: They call it "kissing cousins"?
George Michael: We're not kissing! That's the point!

— Arrested Development, "Marta Complex"

Hinata: O, Nejio, Nejio, wherefore are thou, Nejio?
Neji: Hinaette… my life were better ended than death prorogued… wanting of thy love!

— Naruto, Rock Lee's Springtime of Youth, Episode 17

Her father is the brother of my mom. Like, we grew up together, and she grew up hot, you know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm not like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna be me. Out of respect.

— Donnie Azoff, The Wolf of Wall Street

I was feelin' pretty down 'til my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say
In fact I just thought I might pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me
Who would have guessed, her family crest
I'd suddenly spy tattooed on her thigh
And son of a gun
It's just like the one on me!
Tell me:
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No, no, no.

— "Weird Al" Yankovic, "A Complicated Song" (parody of "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne)

Edward III: Edward, you must make an advantageous marriage.
Edward the Black Prince: But I want to marry my cousin.
Edward III: A man wishes to marry his cousins, this is natural! Yet, think of the realm. God, the cousins I could have—but no.

—Hark! A Vagrant, "The Black Prince"

But the day comes to an end and so [Superboy and Supergirl] head back to Earth.
There they find to android manned alien ships about to bathe the Earth in death rays◊. The rather phallic look of the alien ships added a little bit to my 'Clark hopes they could be kissing cousins' theory. I mean ... those ships could have been drawn any shape in the world.

— Superboy #80 review

Diddy Kong: So Dix, what say we skip the action-adventure platforming and get it on like Diddy Kong?
Dixie Kong: You do know we're like, related, right?
* beat*
Diddy Kong: That's even better!

— $00pah nin10doh!

Kara Zor-El said, "Would you believe that Kal once told me that one of the first girls he ever fell for in his life was named Supergirl?"
The others at the dinner party reacted with shock, laughter, surprise, disbelief, curiosity, amusement, or a combination of the above.
"How's this, Kara?" asked Van-Zee, cautiously. "You don't mean he fell for you, do you?"
She smiled an I-know-something-you-don't smile at him.

— Kara of Rokyn

Karen Smith: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.
Gretchen Wieners: Okay, you did not just say that.
Karen: What? He's a good kisser.
Gretchen: He's your cousin.
Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.

—Mean Girls

Ramy: What part of marrying my cousin don't you get?
Mo: What do you mean? It's perfect[...]No in-laws, everyone's just in.

— Ramy

Girl: You know, I've been thinking...we should break up. You're kinda weird, and...we're cousins.
Guy: Huh-what?
Girl: [puts a finger to his lips] Shhhh-shhh-shh. First cousins.
Guy: Wha-
Girl: [leaves and shouts from offscreen] In fact, you're more like a brother!

— "Fighting Jealousy," The 1491s

Frasier: So, what brings you to Seattle?
Woody: My cousin's getting married.
Niles: Which is your cousin, the bride or the groom?
Woody: Actually, both are.
Niles: I assume they're kissing cousins.
Woody: Ohhh they're doing a lot more than that! That's why they have to get married.

— Frasier, "The Show Where Woody Shows Up"

Bo Duke: Now if we weren't cousins, I'd marry you.
Daisy Duke: That's never stopped anyone in this family before.
Bo Duke: You got a point there. (laughs)

— The Dukes of Hazzard, "One Armed Bandits"

Dil Driscoll: (after Daisy beats up Dil for sweet talking her) So, uh, Bo, what's the story on that little pistol over there?
Bo Duke: Well, actually she's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: You hittn' that?
Bo Duke: She's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: Hopefully your kissing cousin.
Bo Duke: Excuse me?
Dil Driscoll: Son, I guess all I'm asking is, if you shuck her corn.
The Balladeer: (while Bo laughs with them and takes a drink, The Balladeer speaks) Now there's some things you don't say to a Duke about another Duke.
Bo Duke: (finishes his drink) I'll shuck your corn!
(the bar fight begins)

— The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Whitney: Jason, you just have to learn to accept things. Like this!
(Both Whitney and Stephen kiss each other)
James: See how sweet that is?
Jason: Uh, yeah, it would be sweet if they weren't second cousins who suspiciously sit next to each other every Christmas Eve!

— Studio C, "Uncomfortable Christmas Family Traditions",

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