Quotes / Jewish Holidays

"We have holidays up the ass! Sometimes I stay home, and I don't even know why!"

—Jon Stewart

Hitler visits a soothsayer.
Soothsayer: Mein Fuhrer, you will die on a Jewish holiday.
Hitler: WASS!? NEIN! How can this be!?
Soothsayer: Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday.

—Jewish humor