Quotes / Impossible Theft

Well, she'll ransack Pakistan and pull a scam in Scandinavia
Then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima
Tell me: Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

— Rockapella

Red Mage: Where did you get that?
Thief: Hm? This? I stole it. From the future.

— 8-Bit Theater

Garrett: I've never robbed a god before. It'll be a challenge.

—Thief: The Dark Project

Policeman: Sam, what am I going to do with you?
Sam: You could send me to prison.
Policeman: Nice try, but we both know you're not allowed back until you tell the Warden where his cell doors went.

— Freefall

Jake: Whoa, dude... Why are you naked?
Finn: (just now noticing he has no clothes on) WHA!? PEEEEEENNYYYYYYY!!!

—Adventure Time, "City of Thieves"

Policeman, policeman
Help me please
Someone went and stole my knees
I'd chase him down but I suspect
My feet and legs just won't connect

—Shel Silverstein, "Stop, Thief!"

"I knew a guy once who could take every coin out of your pockets just by smiling at you."

—Varric Tethras, Dragon Age II

Nimble the Thief: I want to steal his pants.
Gamemaster: You're not serious?
Nimble the Thief: I am serious.
Gamemaster: Why do you want his pants?
Nimble the Thief: I don't want them. I just want to see if I can steal them.
Gamemaster: Fine, go ahead. But you suffer a negative eight penalty for difficulty.
[Dice rolls...success!]
Gamemaster: I don't believe it.
[pause]
Gamemaster: Are you quite finished?

—The Gamers

You turn a corner in the Sleazy Back Alley, and find yourself lost in a maze of twisty little passages. In fact, you're so lost, and the passages are so twisty, that you eventually turn a tight corner and find yourself standing directly behind... yourself.
Resolving not to think about it too closely, for fear the universe will suddenly realize what you're doing and put a stop to it, you sneak up behind yourself and prepare to steal your own pants.
Quietly, stealthily, you reach out and steal the pants from your unsuspecting self, and fade back into the mazy passages of the Sleazy Back Alley before you notice what has happened.
Then you make your way back out of the Alley, clutching your pants triumphantly and trying really hard not to think about how oddly chilly it has suddenly become.

—Kingdom of Loathing, "Now's Your Pants! I Mean... Your Chance!"

"Nice hat."
"Thanks."
"I was being sarcastic."
"Well, I stole your face."
(facelesspalm)

—ASDF Movie

"Yes, if you had some kind of Star Trek tractor beam thing, MAYBE you could steal an island. But a RIVER? You could steal the water, but then the ocean would fill it up again. You could fill in the river with dirt, but then you're not stealing. You could steal the ocean, but then everyone would die and you'd be stealing an ocean, not a river. DUH BUH, how are we supposed to LEARN from a game that can't even grasp SIMPLE LOGIC?"

— Zany Video Game Quotes, on Where In Time Is Carmen Sandiego?

For a bit of context, our gods don't give anything away. Everything we have, our lands, our seas, our skies, at some point was stolen from a god. That includes things like plagues. One of our first lessons. If something is too easy to steal, it might be because someone wants to get rid of it.

Sam Starfall describes sqid legend, Freefall

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