open/close all folders
Anime and Manga
Karin: I don't see what the big deal is with ghosts. I don't even believe in them.
Yuzu: Karin, I don't get how you can say something like that. I thought you had the power to see spirits too.
Karin: I'm in permanent denial. Just seeing them doesn't make me believe in them.
Yuzu: Karin, I don't get how you can say something like that. I thought you had the power to see spirits too.
Karin: I'm in permanent denial. Just seeing them doesn't make me believe in them.
— Bleach
Megatron: Ha-ha! Don't you just love watching those miserable, mechanical morons attempting to attack me, Squidhead?
Thrust: (to himself) I wish he wouldn't call me that anymore. How would he like to be called "Flathead"? (snickers)
Megatron: So why don't you share your little joke with everyone?
Thrust: Er, I wasn't, uh, laughing, sir. (to himself) "Flathead". Boy, I can really dish it out! (snickers)
Megatron: You... are a freak.
Thrust: (to himself) I wish he wouldn't call me that anymore. How would he like to be called "Flathead"? (snickers)
Megatron: So why don't you share your little joke with everyone?
Thrust: Er, I wasn't, uh, laughing, sir. (to himself) "Flathead". Boy, I can really dish it out! (snickers)
Megatron: You... are a freak.
— Transformers: Armada, "Crisis"
Comic Books
Mighty fuck! That wasn't just gas!! It was....diarrhea! [...] Think of something before they notice the smell!
"OH MY GOD!! SOMEBODY PUT SHIT IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!"
"OH MY GOD!! SOMEBODY PUT SHIT IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!"
—A nameless character on a dinner date, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
Accounts vary widely as to what happened that day in Dawson City...
Metal fatigue! That's how the explained it later! Those smokestacks must have had weak spots in their bases! Both of them!
It was a bit more difficult to explain what caused the concert grand piano to go sailing through the imported stained-glass window!
But it wasn't too hard to account for the fire that broke out! What else would one expect when a cast-iron stove crashes through three bulkheads?
Some said Slick's riverboat was demolished by a freak tidal wave from the Bering sea- twelve hundred miles downriver!
Metal fatigue! That's how the explained it later! Those smokestacks must have had weak spots in their bases! Both of them!
It was a bit more difficult to explain what caused the concert grand piano to go sailing through the imported stained-glass window!
But it wasn't too hard to account for the fire that broke out! What else would one expect when a cast-iron stove crashes through three bulkheads?
Some said Slick's riverboat was demolished by a freak tidal wave from the Bering sea- twelve hundred miles downriver!
—The Life And Times Of Scrooge Mcduck's narration on Scrooge Mc Duck singlehandedly tearing apart a steamboat
Fan Fiction
"I was not expecting that to happen," the young man said simply, trying to justify the blood that soiled his clothes.
Halle: We have reasons to believe Kira is an exceptionally talented and highly skilled genius member of the Japanese NPA's Cybercrimes division.
(Everyone stares at Light.)
Light: Clearly, you must be talking about Matsuda.
At that precise moment, Matsuda's printer viciously ate ten sheets of paper at once, choked on them, and died.
(Everyone stares at Light.)
Light: Clearly, you must be talking about Matsuda.
At that precise moment, Matsuda's printer viciously ate ten sheets of paper at once, choked on them, and died.
Urahara shot a nervous glance at the door. "All right," he said, "there is maybe a possibility that I was the person who was previously in command of Twelfth, but I'd rather not admit to that because I was exiled and there were all sorts of death threats and other minor problems."
Phoenix ran his hand through his hair. "But everyone knows you are."
"Yes," Urahara said, "but that doesn't mean I have to admit to it."
Phoenix ran his hand through his hair. "But everyone knows you are."
"Yes," Urahara said, "but that doesn't mean I have to admit to it."
Stormtrooper: Hey, you guys mind stopping for a minute and helping us out? We're looking for possible Jedi in the area. You guys haven't seen any, have you?
Obi-Wan: I haven't seen any Jedi.
Stormtrooper: Well, don't take this wrong way, but the reason I stopped you is because you're dressed exactly like a Jedi. Like... all of them. Every single one of them dressed exactly the way you're dressed now.
Obi-Wan: Look, I'm not a Jedi.
Stormtrooper: Scott, tell me this guy doesn't look like a Jedi.
Scott: Yeah, yeah, he's got, like, the robes!
Stormtrooper: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the robes! Exactly! Do you see how this looks to us, sir? Are you telling me you woke up today and accidentally dressed like a Jedi?
Obi-Wan: Yes.
[The stormtroopers laugh]
Stormtrooper: Hey, you say you're not a Jedi, I have to believe you. I mean, there's nothing I can do.
Obi-Wan: I haven't seen any Jedi.
Stormtrooper: Well, don't take this wrong way, but the reason I stopped you is because you're dressed exactly like a Jedi. Like... all of them. Every single one of them dressed exactly the way you're dressed now.
Obi-Wan: Look, I'm not a Jedi.
Stormtrooper: Scott, tell me this guy doesn't look like a Jedi.
Scott: Yeah, yeah, he's got, like, the robes!
Stormtrooper: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the robes! Exactly! Do you see how this looks to us, sir? Are you telling me you woke up today and accidentally dressed like a Jedi?
Obi-Wan: Yes.
[The stormtroopers laugh]
Stormtrooper: Hey, you say you're not a Jedi, I have to believe you. I mean, there's nothing I can do.
Nezu: You're Oboro Shirakumo?
Kurogiri: I believe so. My memories are starting to come back.
Aizawa: He's definitely Oboro. No relation at all to the villain who attacked U.S.J.
Present Mic: He had amnesia after his accident. He's been in the hospital for years. He's an innocent.
Nezu: Coincidentally, he has the same quirk as the villain Kurogiri.
Aizawa: Total coincidence.
Nezu: [turns to Tomura] Just like how this young man resembles Tomura Shigaraki.
All Might: Nonsense! This is my nephew, Tenko Shimura. They're clearly different people. This particular NEET gamer doesn't have a hand over his face. And he has better skin.
Kurogiri: I believe so. My memories are starting to come back.
Aizawa: He's definitely Oboro. No relation at all to the villain who attacked U.S.J.
Present Mic: He had amnesia after his accident. He's been in the hospital for years. He's an innocent.
Nezu: Coincidentally, he has the same quirk as the villain Kurogiri.
Aizawa: Total coincidence.
Nezu: [turns to Tomura] Just like how this young man resembles Tomura Shigaraki.
All Might: Nonsense! This is my nephew, Tenko Shimura. They're clearly different people. This particular NEET gamer doesn't have a hand over his face. And he has better skin.
Film - Animated
Security Guard: I know you snuck out last night, Morales.
Miles' brain: Play dumb.
Miles' mouth: Who's Morales?
Miles' brain: Not that dumb!
Miles' brain: Play dumb.
Miles' mouth: Who's Morales?
Miles' brain: Not that dumb!
Film - Live-Action
Cap. Louis Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick Blaine: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Renault: "The waters"? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick: I was misinformed.
Rick Blaine: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Renault: "The waters"? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick: I was misinformed.
Richard Rampton: [reading from David Irving's diary] "Jessica is growing into a fine little lady. She sits very upright in an ordinary chair, a product of our walks to the bank, I am sure. On those walks, we sing the Binkety-Bankety-Bong Song. She stars in a poem when half-breed children wheel past." And then you go into italics. "I am a baby Aryan/Not Jewish or Sectarian/I have no plans to marry/An ape or Rastafarian." Racist, Mr. Irving? Anti-Semitic, Mr. Irving?
Davis Irving: I do not think so.
Rampton: Teaching your little child this kind of poison?
Irving: Do you think a nine-month old can understand words spoken in English, or any other sort of language?
Rampton: This poor little child has been taught a racist ditty by her racist and perverted father!
Irving: [smirks] Have you ever read Edward Lear? Hilaire Belloc?
Rampton: They haven't brought a libel action, Mr. Irving, you have! You sued because you said we had called you a racist and an extremist.
Irving: Yes. But I am not a racist.
Rampton: Mr. Irving, look at the words on the page.
Davis Irving: I do not think so.
Rampton: Teaching your little child this kind of poison?
Irving: Do you think a nine-month old can understand words spoken in English, or any other sort of language?
Rampton: This poor little child has been taught a racist ditty by her racist and perverted father!
Irving: [smirks] Have you ever read Edward Lear? Hilaire Belloc?
Rampton: They haven't brought a libel action, Mr. Irving, you have! You sued because you said we had called you a racist and an extremist.
Irving: Yes. But I am not a racist.
Rampton: Mr. Irving, look at the words on the page.
— Denial
"Corpse": I'M NOT DEAD!
Undertaker: What was that?
Peasant: Nothing, There's your ninepence.
"Corpse": I'M NOT DEAD!
Undertaker: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Peasant: Yes, he is.
"Corpse": I'M NOT!
Undertaker: What was that?
Peasant: Nothing, There's your ninepence.
"Corpse": I'M NOT DEAD!
Undertaker: 'Ere, he says he's not dead.
Peasant: Yes, he is.
"Corpse": I'M NOT!
Fred Randall: It wasn't me!
Bill Overbeck: What do you mean, 'it wasn't you'? We're 35 million miles from the nearest person!
Bill Overbeck: What do you mean, 'it wasn't you'? We're 35 million miles from the nearest person!
Music
Eminem: You just caught this bitch cheatin'!
While you at work, she's with some dude trying to get off?...
Dr. Dre: Wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit?
Eminem: What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?
While you at work, she's with some dude trying to get off?...
Dr. Dre: Wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit?
Eminem: What, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?
— "Guilty Conscience", from The Slim Shady LP
Shaggy: To be a true player you haffi know how fi play
If she say, "a night", convince her, say, "a day"
Never admit to a word when she say
And if she claim a yuh, tell her, "Baby, no way!"
RikRok (and Shaggy): But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the screams gettin' louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over
If she say, "a night", convince her, say, "a day"
Never admit to a word when she say
And if she claim a yuh, tell her, "Baby, no way!"
RikRok (and Shaggy): But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)
Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)
She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)
She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)
Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)
Heard the screams gettin' louder (It wasn't me)
She stayed until it was over
— "It Wasn't Me"
Live-Action TV
I'm asking you, please no!
It isn't right, it isn't fair!
There was no parking anywhere
I think that hydrant wasn't there
It isn't right, it isn't fair!
There was no parking anywhere
I think that hydrant wasn't there
— "The Parking Ticket", Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Once More with Feeling")
Felicity: If it's an "energy drink", why is it in a syringe?
Oliver: I ran out of sports bottles.
Diggle: Your BS stories are getting worse.
Oliver: I'm well aware.
Oliver: I ran out of sports bottles.
Diggle: Your BS stories are getting worse.
Oliver: I'm well aware.
— Arrow episode twelve, "Vertigo"
It was a lie. And he lied even as he was telling us whether or not it was a lie.
— Rob Brydon, Would I Lie to You?
Stanley... That better be ME you're having sex with!
— Karen Walker, Will & Grace
Chloe: How did you get that horse?
Lucifer: (riding a horse) What horse?
Lucifer: (riding a horse) What horse?
Nyssa: I can't believe you're saying he's a ghost!
Fifth Doctor: He isn't! He's a floating cloud of energy which has the power to focus itself and move physical objects, often with dramatic results!
Fifth Doctor: He isn't! He's a floating cloud of energy which has the power to focus itself and move physical objects, often with dramatic results!
— Big Finish Doctor Who, "Winter for the Adept"
Agent: Is that a wig?
O'Callaghan: No! [adjusts his wig]
O'Callaghan: No! [adjusts his wig]
Olive: [as she approaches Otto, who has a broken and taped-up badge phone] Partner, what happened to your badge?
Otto: Oh, nothing.
[Olive puts on a disbelieving expression]
Otto: Okay, fine. I may have dropped it, and it may have broken in half, and I may have tried to fix it, and I may have dropped it while I was trying to fix it.
Olive: You should get it repaired.
Otto: Eh, no need. See?
[he takes the badge phone and crushes it in his hand, causing it to crumble to pieces]
Otto: Yeah, okay, I'll get it repaired.
Otto: Oh, nothing.
[Olive puts on a disbelieving expression]
Otto: Okay, fine. I may have dropped it, and it may have broken in half, and I may have tried to fix it, and I may have dropped it while I was trying to fix it.
Olive: You should get it repaired.
Otto: Eh, no need. See?
[he takes the badge phone and crushes it in his hand, causing it to crumble to pieces]
Otto: Yeah, okay, I'll get it repaired.
— Odd Squad (in a two-for-one deal), "No Ifs, Ands, or Robots"
Olympia: [as she's holding two bowls of soup in her hands] Why are you standing?
Otis: Why are you our waiter?
Olympia: Uh...I'm not. I'm just a helpful customer.
Otis: Why are you our waiter?
Olympia: Uh...I'm not. I'm just a helpful customer.
Photos can easily be altered. But videos? That's some James Cameron shit.
— Jon Stewart, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, on Toronto mayor Rob Ford saying that "videos can be altered" upon the release of the video of him smoking crack cocaine
Newspaper Comics
Chazz: Hey, Poncho. You're not upset that I went on a date, are you?
Poncho: (sulking) No, not at all, why would I be upset?
Chazz: What's this stain on the carpet?
Poncho: I had an "accident".
Chazz: It looks like grape juice. And also ketchup. And soy sauce. (looking at the message spelled "GRRRR" on the carpet) You sure you're not upset?
Poncho: (sulking) No, not at all, why would I be upset?
Chazz: What's this stain on the carpet?
Poncho: I had an "accident".
Chazz: It looks like grape juice. And also ketchup. And soy sauce. (looking at the message spelled "GRRRR" on the carpet) You sure you're not upset?
Podcasts
Trish Hidge, from the mayor’s office, called a press conference today in which she stood in front of a large truck, painted in bright neon colors and decorated with flashing lights, and resolutely denied the truck’s existence. She continued this denial for several minutes, and through a lengthy round of questioning from the gathered reporters, although it should be noted that many of the questions took the form of just pointing at the truck and raising an eyebrow. Ms. Hidge admitted afterwards that the conference was simply a workout for her denial skills, which she says she must keep sharp through constant practice, and which she also says do not exist.
Welcome to Night Vale, Episode 21
Stand-Up Comedy
"R. Kelly's got a lot of balls. Talking about "it ain't me." Got a damn sex tape out — "It ain't me." Motherfucker, we know what you look like. That's you, okay? There's a damn Soul Train award right next to the bed!"
Do I know everyone who works in this club by first and last name? Yes, I do. Could I describe this club by memory alone to a blind man who needed to sketch it? Yes, I can. Did I make the eggs in the all-day breakfast buffet? Yes, I did. But I'm gonna tell you right now. I have never, ever been here before. Not once!
— Characters Welcome, This Mom is *Not* a Regular at the Strip Club
Theatre
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen, carvin' up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business. In storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage. "You been screwin' the milkman," he says. He was crazy and he kept screamin', "you been screwin' the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times.
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times.
— Chicago, "The Cell Block Tango"
Video Games
I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there?! I'll bet there's no such thing as a "reactor core"! I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is! All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably... probably actual pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point!
— Wheatley, Portal 2
Animal Lovers' Boutique is a totally legal company specializing in sexy accessories for the discreet individual. What an individual chooses to do with these items is the individual's own decision. For instance, many of our donkey bras can be used as candle holders, and we believe that will hold up in a court of law.
—You Don't Know Jack for Facebook
Webcomics
Susan: My hair changed color. It happens!
Nanase: Hair doesn't just spontaneously change color!
Susan: I stand by my ridiculous claim.
Nanase: Hair doesn't just spontaneously change color!
Susan: I stand by my ridiculous claim.
Lupin: (covered in ink) There's no evidence to suggest I got into the pen.
Elvis: Sir, CN news. Just admit it was you!
Elvis: Sir, CN news. Just admit it was you!
Web Original
You'd think that a news anchor would be better at lying to the general public, but NO! Turns out Brian Williams is just as bad of a liar as my five-year-old is. "Well, see, I seem to have misremembered... it was so foggy... I guess I just got those helicopters mixed up with this mai tai I was sipping on a beach!" I expect more from my national news anchor. I expect him to deliver my lies with the kind of authorial gravitas that I need to believe a bunch of generalized horseshit. Trouble on Wall Street today! New worries over vaccines! And finally tonight, some good news from Afghanistan! Those are all lies of a sort... Brian Williams has probably delivered all of them expertly. And now he can't even properly lie about this.
— Drew Magary, "Make It Stop"
, "Make It Stop"To prove that his size had nothing to do with steroids, Hulk showed a picture of himself, supposedly at age 10, with his Little League baseball team. I don’t mean to cast doubt on Hogan’s claim, but does anyone else find it unusual that there are two other “ten-year-olds” on the team who are as tall as the coach? If this picture was legit, though, it proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Hulkster didn’t get tall from using steroids. Take that, media!
Heather Mills has confessed that she’s pretty much blown through her £24.3 million divorce settlement from Paul McCartney in less than two years. As soon as the money dropped into her checking account, Heather said she immediately handed it over to various charities. You know, because she’s like the Robin Hood of gold digging whores.
— Michael K., "Heather Mills is as Broke as She Looks"
, "Heather Mills is as Broke as She Looks"Poor, poor, pitiful Dr. Bob.
For those of you not familiar with him, I’m referring, of course, to Robert “Dr. Bob” Sears, MD, the antivaccine-sympathetic (or, more appropriately, antivaccine-pandering) pediatrician in Capistrano Beach, CA known for his Vaccine Book, a veritable font of antivaccine misinformation gussied up as a “reasonable” middle ground. Too bad it’s not.
In any case, in the wake of the Disneyland measles outbreak, Dr. Bob has found himself under a lot of criticism...Dr. Bob posted this update on the Disneyland measles outbreak on his Facebook page entitled “JUST HOW DEADLY IS MEASLES?” In it, Dr. Bob strives mightily to convince his readers that the measles is no big whoop.
For those of you not familiar with him, I’m referring, of course, to Robert “Dr. Bob” Sears, MD, the antivaccine-sympathetic (or, more appropriately, antivaccine-pandering) pediatrician in Capistrano Beach, CA known for his Vaccine Book, a veritable font of antivaccine misinformation gussied up as a “reasonable” middle ground. Too bad it’s not.
In any case, in the wake of the Disneyland measles outbreak, Dr. Bob has found himself under a lot of criticism...Dr. Bob posted this update on the Disneyland measles outbreak on his Facebook page entitled “JUST HOW DEADLY IS MEASLES?” In it, Dr. Bob strives mightily to convince his readers that the measles is no big whoop.
— Orac, "Poor, poor me, you stupid people"
, "Poor, poor me, you stupid people" K. Rool Give us the crystal now, you defecating degenerate!
Cranky I'm not defecating, you yellow pot-bellied cucklord! I'm attempting to recreate the sound of the ocean with my ass. [farts] Oh! Oh...It's not working.
No your honor, that's not me. That must be some other living Rainbow Brite doll with a 69 face tattoo.
Judge Budreau: Now, we have a charge of wearing a three-coloured vest.
Garnet: [still wearing the vest] Where's your evidence?
Garnet: [still wearing the vest] Where's your evidence?
Ashton: When you leave the site of an explosion, covered in blood, there is nothing more suspicious than saying "I didn't hear or see anything!" Just say "Yeah, that shit was crazy, and I don't know what the fuck happened, but we're bleeding and going home!" We're gonna get caught! Motherfuckers!
Fearne: Well, for as far as they knew, we just had a wild night.
Fearne: Well, for as far as they knew, we just had a wild night.
Western Animation
"I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything."
Chalmers: Aurora borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: (Beat) Yes.
Chalmers: (Beat) May I see it?
Skinner: (Beat) No.
Skinner: (Beat) Yes.
Chalmers: (Beat) May I see it?
Skinner: (Beat) No.
Rainbow Dash: What's with the croquet Mallet?
Rarity: What croquet Mallet?
Rainbow Dash: Uh, the one in your mouth?
Rarity: What croquet Mallet?
Rainbow Dash: Uh, the one in your mouth?
Brian: Face it, Peter, you're addicted to television. And you're not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey, either. Remember that time you tried to give up candy?
(cut to a flashback of Peter touring Willy Wonka's factory)
Wonka: I'll ask you one more time: Are you sure you didn't eat anything in my factory?
Peter: (inflated into a blueberry) No.
Wonka: I'm just asking—
Peter: What, are you calling me a liar?!
Wonka: No, I'm just saying...
Peter: Hey, shut up, Wonka!
—Family Guy, "I Never Met the Dead Man"
Man Ray: Excuse me, sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me.
Man Ray: What? But I just saw you drop it. Here.
Patrick: Nope. It's not mine.
Man Ray: It is yours! I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.
Patrick: Return what to who?
Man Ray: (facepalms, shows Patrick his ID) Aren't you Patrick Star?
Patrick: Yep.
Man Ray: And this is your ID.
Patrick: Yep.
Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
Patrick: That makes sense to me.
Man Ray: Then take it.
Patrick: It's not my wallet!
Patrick: Doesn't look familiar to me.
Man Ray: What? But I just saw you drop it. Here.
Patrick: Nope. It's not mine.
Man Ray: It is yours! I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.
Patrick: Return what to who?
Man Ray: (facepalms, shows Patrick his ID) Aren't you Patrick Star?
Patrick: Yep.
Man Ray: And this is your ID.
Patrick: Yep.
Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
Patrick: That makes sense to me.
Man Ray: Then take it.
Patrick: It's not my wallet!
— SpongeBob SquarePants, Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy III
Porter C. Powell: Don't touch anything! Since he went bankrupt, technically all this belongs to me.
(Grimlock falls and wrecks everything.)
Grimlock: (points to Optimus) Him did it.
(Grimlock falls and wrecks everything.)
Grimlock: (points to Optimus) Him did it.
— Transformers: Animated, "Black Friday"
Real Life
It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.
First German: Oh Klaus! It's so good to see you again! How was it in the concentration camp?
Second German: Lovely. Breakfast in bed, our choice of coffee, tea, or hot cocoa, then sports, then a three course lunch. We had movies in the afternoon, and after dinner we milled around the courtyard with a smoke and a beer.
First German: Wow, I didn't know it was so nice. To think of the lies they spread about the places! When Mr. Meyer got out, he told me so many awful horror stories.
Second German: Mm. That's why he got sent back.
Second German: Lovely. Breakfast in bed, our choice of coffee, tea, or hot cocoa, then sports, then a three course lunch. We had movies in the afternoon, and after dinner we milled around the courtyard with a smoke and a beer.
First German: Wow, I didn't know it was so nice. To think of the lies they spread about the places! When Mr. Meyer got out, he told me so many awful horror stories.
Second German: Mm. That's why he got sent back.
— Popular joke about Nazi Germany
Perun: Iran is very clear that it does not have a nuclear weapons program. It just has a civilian program that keeps accidentally enriching uranium well above the levels required for civilian use, and close to weapons-grade. And I'm actually entirely serious about part of that: When the International Atomic Energy Agency detected uranium enriched to an 83.7% level of purity, just shy of the roughly 90% you need to turn any timezone into a morning timezone with the click of a button, Iran's reported response was legitimately, quote:
Iran: The unintended fluctuations in enrichment levels may have occurred during transition periods at the time of commissioning the process of 60% product, all while replacing the feed cylinder.
Perun: I'll leave it to the audience to decide which option is scarier: A country deliberately making bomb-grade material, or a country doing it by accident.
Iran: The unintended fluctuations in enrichment levels may have occurred during transition periods at the time of commissioning the process of 60% product, all while replacing the feed cylinder.
Perun: I'll leave it to the audience to decide which option is scarier: A country deliberately making bomb-grade material, or a country doing it by accident.
