Quotes / Humans Are Morons

Comics

"I'd all but given up my crusade to rid the world of fools... There are, I found, just too many!"

— Foolkiller, The Amazing Spider-Man, #225

"Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

— Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

Fan Works

"Then what about that business last century, when you'd abduct people in flying saucers and stick probes up their behinds?" demanded Buster.
"That was a biological error. We were attempting to communicate with your species. We assumed from human behavior that your brains were located in your behinds."

— Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space

"Were I to recall every idiocy perpetuated by your species," said TuV'k dryly, "I would have little time for more productive endeavors."

— Rocketship Voyager

Film — Live-Action

Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space, 'cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

— "The Galaxy Song", Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

"Because all you of Earth are idiots!"

— Eros, Plan 9 from Outer Space

Shatter: Earth... how underwhelming.
Dropkick: The indigenous life is even more primitive than I expected.

— Bumblebee

"Everything in the human culture takes place below the waist!"

— General Thade, Planet of the Apes (2001)

"You promised me human intelligence... or is there such a thing?"

— Lockdown, Transformers: Age of Extinction

Literature

"It's useless to lecture a human."

— The Lightning Thief

Live-Action TV

Donna: Are we explorers, or more like a virus?
The Doctor: Sometimes I wonder.

— Doctor Who, "Planet of the Ood"

"Hello, barely sentient local."

— The Doctor meeting Rigsy, Doctor Who, "Flatline"

Londo: Well, Captain, you will forgive me if I appear a bit slow; I have studied your race quite a bit, and there are still several aspects of your psychology I don't understand: A place called Winchester Mansion with stairs that go nowhere? Something called "country" and "western"? And the less said about the "comedy" team of Rebo and Zooty the better—
Sheridan: You don't like Rebo and Zooty? Heh-heh! They're hysterical!
Londo: Are they? I'm sorry, I apparently mistook you for a human with some taste and sensibility.

— Babylon 5, "Rumors, Bargains, and Lies"

Music

"The higher that the monkey can climb
The more he shows his tail"

— Tom Waits, "Misery Is the River of the World" — Blood Money.

"We are dumb all over, dumb all over, yes we are
Dumb all over, near and far
Dumb all over, black and white
People, we is not wrapped tight"

— Frank Zappa, "Dumb All Over" — You Are What You Is

Stand-Up Comedy

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are stupider than that!"

— George Carlin

"We live in an amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation. Just spoiled idiots that don't care. They got their phone... [poking touchpad, groaning] 'Nnnh, it won't...' GIVE IT A SECOND! It's GOING TO SPACE!"

— Louis C.K. on The Greatest Generation

"Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe."

— Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith

Video Games

"You watched as their civilization was overwhelmed with violence, disease, famine, and Dire Chinchillas. Reflecting on these events led you to an epiphany: people are dumb."

— The Sims Medieval opening cinematic

"It is said: to err is human. Hehehe... stupid human."

— Pandarian, World of Warcraft: Mists Of Pandaria

"For creatures with such short lifespans, you terrans are always so eager to die."

— Alarak, StarCraft II: Nova Covert Ops

"A 12,000-year-old fossil of a creature with an odd internal skeleton. Its small skull indicates the creature was likely primitive with little intelligence. This specimen appears to have been fossilized in the middle of some kind of ritual."

— Sunken Scroll 26 describing a human fossil ^note the ritual in question is them playing on a Wii U, Splatoon

"Lord, how foolish these mortals are."

— The Curator, Little Hope

Web Animation

"Humanity is like a teenager, speeding around blind corners, drunk, without a seatbelt."

— Kurzgesagt, "Is Civilization on the Brink of Collapse?"

Web Original

"As the vampire Kain, the only way in which you are capable of interacting with Blood Omen's human cast by is killing them. This changes when you acquire the Disguise ability, which transforms Kain's sprite into that of a hooded peasant and allows you to solicit voiced audio clips from neutral NPCs. This is only interesting for about ten minutes; you soon discover that the human race hasn't a single god damned thing worth saying. All Nosgoth's menfolk talk like oafish cockneys — "good day to ya!" — and the entire female population consists of drunken prostitutes. The vampire Vorador pointedly refers to Nosgoth's human population as 'the cattle;' the opening to Soul Reaver alludes to Kain's contempt for humanity. After chatting with Blood Omen's townsfolk for any length of time, it is not difficult to see from where such sentiments might have arisen."

— Pat R. on Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain

Nash: [on a car fire caused by hand sanitizer being used while smoking] Do we not understand how vapors and fumes and shit work?
Tara: No.
Nash: This-this-this is like, really basic shit, though...
Tara: We don't understand how a vaccine works. We don't understand that the oceans rising is gonna be a bad thing. We don't understand fucking anything. We're very stupid.

— What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?, 5/17/21

Real Life

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."

— Douglas Adams

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life."

— Frank Zappa

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