Woah. It's doing something!
—Sora taps exactly five keys in Kingdom Hearts II
Technological illiteracy! Kaguya was an analog person to her very core! She used real maps instead of Google Maps! She could calculate things in her head so she did not use a calculator. And when she had to look something up, she used an encyclopedia rather than search online! She could not use the internet for anything other than occasionally checking the weather and news. Only what was shown on the search site's front page! She was unable to use any technology more complicated than what an old owner of a small candy store could use!
DJ_Hyperfresh: Hi, Captain Cuttlefish! Can you see the chatroom okay on your cell phone?
CraigCuttlefish: I CAN SEE IT JUST FINE THANKS FOR ASKING
CraigCuttlefish: BUT ALL MY LETTERS ARE BIG FOR SOME REASON
CraigCuttlefish: I CAN SEE IT JUST FINE THANKS FOR ASKING
CraigCuttlefish: BUT ALL MY LETTERS ARE BIG FOR SOME REASON
— Marina's Chat Room, Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion
Dear Wes,
This is Eagun of Agate Village. I just wanted to let you know this is my first electronic mail. I am not familiar with high-tech things, so I have only learned how to type in words. Incidentally, if you are ever in
This is Eagun of Agate Village. I just wanted to let you know this is my first electronic mail. I am not familiar with high-tech things, so I have only learned how to type in words. Incidentally, if you are ever in
—P★DA email from Eagun* in Pokémon Colosseum
Blossom: Professor! We need some help with the internet!
Smash Cut to the Professor trying to extinguish the flames on the computer
The Professor: Sorry girls! I guess I just don't understand computers!
Smash Cut to the Professor trying to extinguish the flames on the computer
The Professor: Sorry girls! I guess I just don't understand computers!
Giles: (trying to use the library computer, only to be disconnected) Session interrupted? Who said you could interrupt, you stupid, useless fad! No, I said fad, and I'll say it again.
Xander: (walking in) At that point, I will become frightened.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gingerbread
Brill: In your phone was a GPS sat tracker. Pulses at 24 gigahertz.
Robert Dean: I don't know what that means.
Brill: It's like a LoJack, only two generations better than what the police have.
Robert Dean: And what does that mean?
Brill: (frustrated) You speak English?
Robert Dean: Obviously not that well.
Robert Dean: I don't know what that means.
Brill: It's like a LoJack, only two generations better than what the police have.
Robert Dean: And what does that mean?
Brill: (frustrated) You speak English?
Robert Dean: Obviously not that well.
Ricardo Diaz: Eject! PLASTIC CRAP! You doing this to me? Who do you think you are, you plastic piece of SHIT? Aaarrgh! [grabs a pistol and shoots the VHS player twice] SCREW YOU! [notices Tommy walking into the room] It eats my favorite El burro movie, it die! What else could I do?
Tommy Vercetti: It's probably not plugged in.
Diaz: What? [takes another look at the VHS player, and sure enough, it's not plugged in] Damn - no matter, I can buy a hundred more.
Tommy Vercetti: It's probably not plugged in.
Diaz: What? [takes another look at the VHS player, and sure enough, it's not plugged in] Damn - no matter, I can buy a hundred more.
Heller: I'm at the computer, what do I press?
Guerra: First you need to —
Heller: I'm pressing the red button. Shit. Now the screen's all fucked up. Shit's broken.
Guerra: Okay, press the alternate key. "A.L.T." Alternate —
Heller: Alt? There's no fucking alt. I got a fucking squiggly line key, I got a fucking key with a triangle on it — what the fuck kind of keyboard is this anyway?
Guerra: First you need to —
Heller: I'm pressing the red button. Shit. Now the screen's all fucked up. Shit's broken.
Guerra: Okay, press the alternate key. "A.L.T." Alternate —
Heller: Alt? There's no fucking alt. I got a fucking squiggly line key, I got a fucking key with a triangle on it — what the fuck kind of keyboard is this anyway?
Ryu: I
Ryu: wasn't planning on using this much
Ryu: but
Ryu: considering I have this thing
Ryu: I thought I might as well use it.
Sincerely,
Ryu
Player: Sounds good. You don't need to sign your messages, by the way.
Ryu: I'm still
Ryu: Figuring out
Ryu: How this works.
Sincerely,
Ryu
Player: You seriously don't need to sign your messages.
Ryu: Got it.
Ryu: Getting butter at this.
Ryu: Better
Ryu: I think I'm getting the hang of this.
Ryu: I'm sure this will prove very useful once I get the hang of it.
Ryu: Thank you for your patience.
Sincerely,
Ryu
Ryu: wasn't planning on using this much
Ryu: but
Ryu: considering I have this thing
Ryu: I thought I might as well use it.
Sincerely,
Ryu
Player: Sounds good. You don't need to sign your messages, by the way.
Ryu: I'm still
Ryu: Figuring out
Ryu: How this works.
Sincerely,
Ryu
Player: You seriously don't need to sign your messages.
Ryu: Got it.
Ryu: Getting butter at this.
Ryu: Better
Ryu: I think I'm getting the hang of this.
Ryu: I'm sure this will prove very useful once I get the hang of it.
Ryu: Thank you for your patience.
Sincerely,
Ryu
Oswald: Okay guys, think.
Orla: We must find a way to plug the computer in so we can watch the video message from Confetti Betty, and hopefully find a clue to her pattern.
Oswald: So how do we solve this problem on getting the computer up there?
Ornette: I have an idea! We tear down the computer.
Orla: How is that a solution?
Ornette: No computer, no problem.
Ohab: Nice, let's do it!
[they high-five]
Orla: We must find a way to plug the computer in so we can watch the video message from Confetti Betty, and hopefully find a clue to her pattern.
Oswald: So how do we solve this problem on getting the computer up there?
Ornette: I have an idea! We tear down the computer.
Orla: How is that a solution?
Ornette: No computer, no problem.
Ohab: Nice, let's do it!
[they high-five]
There was no way Noir could teach himself how to use the internet. He tried, but the pop-ups and virus warnings quickly scared him away and asking Peter B. for help was bad enough. Fortunately, he never mentioned the incident to anyone. His internet search was entirely innocent too! How was he supposed to know that a cream pie was not just a delicious baked good?!
