Quotes / Have a Gay Old Time

"Don't hate us if we make you smile
Or if we go the extra mile
To make someone feel better on a really shitty day
And if you're hearing what I'm saying
Then I want you to say I'M GAY!
(I'm gay! I'm gay!)
Say I'M GAY! WOO!
(I'm gay! I'm gay!)"

— Bowling for Soup, "I'm Gay"

"I'm lookin' for sailors
Lookin' high and low
I'm lookin' for sailors
Where did they go?
I'm lookin' for sailors
Lookin' left and right
Where y'all keep the sailors
In the middle of the night?"

— "Lookin' For Sailors" (Shenmue parody)

"I have a gentle cock,
Croweth me day;
He doth me risen early
My matins for to say.
I have a gentle cock,
Comen he is of great;
His comb is of red coral,
His tail is of jet.
I have a gentle cock,
Comen he is of kind;
His comb is of red coral,
His tail is of inde.
His legges be of azure,
So gentle and so small;
His spurres are of silver white
Into the wortewale.
His eyen are of crystal,
Locked all in amber;
And every night he percheth him
In my lady's chamber."

— Anonymous, 15th century

"My first gay experience? Let's see... oh yes! the time I went on a picnic with my father as a boy, that was a gay old time. I ate my fair share of wieners that day, let me tell you!"

— Mr. Burns, The Simpsons

"Quick, man, if you love me!"

— Sherlock Holmes to Watson

The comic lovers do not have the facilities for love-making that the hero and heroine do. The hero and heroine have big rooms to make love in, with a fire and plenty of easy-chairs, so that they can sit about in picturesque attitudes and do it comfortably. Or if they want to do it out of doors they have a ruined abbey, with a big stone seat in the center, and moonlight.

The comic lovers, on the other hand, have to do it standing up all the time, in busy streets, or in cheerless-looking and curiously narrow rooms in which there is no furniture whatever and no fire.

—Stage-Land

"The meaning of the word 'gay' has changed. It used to mean all colourful and happy and homosexual, but now it's a word children use to describe something that's a little bit meh. 'You're eating Weetabix? Oh, that's so gay!'"

— Dylan Moran, Like, Totally

"The first to get their balls into Mr. Bucket wins! But look out! 'Cause the balls'll pop out of his mouth!"

— Tagline from an ad for Mr. Bucket

"1. n. 14thC. medic. Polite term for lady's genitals. 2. n. 21stC. Impolite term for lady's genitals. 3. n. A traffic warden."

— Roger's Profanisaurus

"Walt Disney goes South American in his gayest musical Technicolor feature."

— Tagline for Saludos Amigos

"There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song! 'Oh the merry men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls' — okay, I hear it now."

— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

Interviewer: Welcome to the 21st century. It must be a bit daunting waking up like this. The world's a bit different from the 1940s.
Superhero: Golly, yes.
Interviewer: I'm just going to ask you a few routine questions, OK?
Superhero: OK.
Interviewer: Name?
Superhero: The Gay Basher!
Interviewer: Excuse me?
Superhero: Is something wrong?
Interviewer: Well, uh... times have changed and that word doesn't really mean what it used to mean anymore... In fact, that whole name is really offensive.
Superhero: Oh, I'm very sorry. Do you think I should change it?
Interviewer: That would probably be for the best.
Superhero: Can I still throw around my trademark "Gaymakers"?
Interviewer: This might take a while.

— League of Super Redundant Heroes, "Translation"

"It says 'dumb ass' in The Bible..."

— The Angry Video Game Nerd

"I never thought I would see Batman saying "let me slip out of the thongs" outside the context of a fanfic."

— Linkara

Narrator: Just the mammas and their babies are allowed to parade in the circus. They're so gay.
The Snob: Hahaha! That word used to mean something else!

— The Cinema Snob reviewing Fun in Balloon Land

"I can only say with Mrs. March, 'What can you expect when you have four gay girls in the house?'"

—Little Women

Gruntilda: Your name is odd and you look a bit queer.
Jon: You gotta understand, she's from a 'Different Era'.

—JonTron, Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts

In fairness, the word "toilet" used to mean washing up or getting dressed, not "a hole to sh*t in."

— True Facts About the Lemur

"I s'pose you know [...] what a lot our New England ships used to have to do with queer ports in Africa, Asia, the South Seas, and everywhere else, and what queer kinds of people they sometimes brought back with 'em."

— Ticket agent, The Shadow Over Innsmouth

"So! They laugh at my boner, will they? I'll show them! I'll show them how many boners The Joker can make!"

— The Joker, Batman #66, "The Joker's Comedy of Errors"

"GAY SCENES FOLLOW NEWS OF GERMAN SURRENDER"

— Nottingham Evening Post, Tuesday May 8, 1945

Wonderella (Titania): Applesauce, Pirouette! You've gone crackers! You just pulled yourself a boner so big, you're all wet!
Wonderita (Dana): Oh god, MOTHER!

— The Non-Adventures of Wonderella

"No, no, no, I-I met this chap who just got back from camping in Scotland, and his wife was ravished by a wild haggis, and now they're expecting a little faggot!"

— Peter Potter, Carry On Camping

Mr. Verres: I am both thrilled that I have no responsibility for this and enraged by my impotence.
Tedd: Ew! Dad!
Mr. Verres: I was referring to not being in charge of the investigation.
Tedd: So say that!

— El Goonish Shive, "2010-10-29"

"Gaily the two girl-friends excitedly chatter, unaware of Linda nearby..."

—Narrator, Supergirl's Three Super Girl-Friends

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